Oy … it’s been an extraordinarily long day and my intestinal track has now been pushed beyond the bounds of human decency -not to mention I’ve been hanging out with children all day! Not actual children, mind you but a bunch of grownups who behave like children and seem to find humor in bodily functions and fart noises.

On the bright side, I spent an amazing day outside, communing with nature enjoying the weather, the sights, smells and sounds of lovely scenery. Too much walking however has pushed me beyond my recuperative abilities and I’m enjoying a brief respite off my feet, soaking up some silence.

I’d mentioned a couple days ago that for years I had such low self-esteem that wherever I’d go I’d size up the crowd to determine if I was the fattest or ugliest girl present. I’ve been healed by the power of God from the self-esteem issues, but now I find myself sizing up the crowd to see if anyone is as handicapped as I am.

It has totally sucked not being able to walk like a normal person the last few weeks. Babies can walk for crying out loud, but I currently seem to be unable to walk without regular pain. My knee surgery recovery is not going as well as I’d hoped or expected and I’m starting to wander over to the dark side of despair.

It’s so easy to take for granted normal every day activities like eating, walking, sleeping, etc. but if for some reason you are prohibited from doing any of these “normal” activities because of health issues - you start to have a greater appreciation for the simple, “normal” things of life – like walking!

At some point during the day I had to stop and sit down because my knee literally gave out. I took a break to sit on a bench in the middle of a beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers of every imaginable color. I listened to the wind blowing through the pine trees and hearing the sounds of birds calling and I was reminded of how great our God is. The colors in His nature palette are so brilliant and spectacular; the varieties of birds, plants, trees and animals so amazing I instantly felt the comfort of my Heavenly Father.

Yes, I’m frustrated because my knee isn’t back to normal after three weeks and I have pain when walking - BUT I serve an awesome God who takes the time to create such unique beauty and cares about even the tiniest of His creatures - how can I think for a moment that He isn’t part of my recovery and purposely slowing me down because the body that HE designed needs sufficient time to heal.

How can I think that a God who created the sun, the moon, the Grand Canyon, the oceans, magnificent animals and oh yes - ME, how can I doubt His power to heal me and also teach me life lessons along the journey.

Yes, my God is good and I’m grateful when He takes the time to remind me of the futility of worrying about how long my recovery will take. It will take as long as it takes because He is always in control!

Look at the ravens. They don’t need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to our life? Of course not! And if worry can’t do little things like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? Luke 12:24-26 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord for daily reminders that you are ALWAYS in control and I need to chill out and trust you and stop worrying about things I have no control over. I love you and thank you for life’s many blessings. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’m on a short mini vacation the rest of this week. Vacations are great for so many reasons but I’m not gonna lie to you - it’s been extremely challenging to eat healthy and keep my calories under control.

If the tightness of my pants is any indication, I’m failing miserably. But the good news is - I’m having a great time. We are with our kids and other family members and in the grand scheme of life two or three days of eating things I don’t normally eat isn’t going to hurt me a lot.

In my defense I’m doing a lot of walking but the bad news is my poor knee is paying the price and I’m starting to shuffle along like a little old lady. I’m sure I must be burning tons of calories because it’s a Herculean effort to keep up with everyone else. I’ve been the butt of many jokes because I am moving so slowly - but the key is movement of any sort is better than the alternative.

Because I have changed my diet so radically over the last few months, eating a lot of junk is no longer as fun as it used to be. I’m inhaling Tums like they were Tic Tacs followed up by Pepto shooters. I’m not overly concerned that I will fall back into old habits because the stomach aches simply aren’t worth it.

Overall my vacation is not only been a wonderful respite from everyday stress and life, but it’s opened my eyes to the fact that God has brought me so far. Hopefully by the time I take my next vacation I’ll be able to say “no” to all french fries and … oh yeah, the “to die for pie.” But - what are vacations for if not for an occasional piece of pie.

Oh give thanks unto to the Lord for His mercy endures forever!

Have you ever known anyone who seemed plagued with an unusual amount of bad luck? Not even major streaks of bad luck such as a terminal illness or utter financial ruin. But just repeated bouts of flat tires, losing their keys, being dumped by their significant other, stepping in gum only to throw their back out? A bad luck follows them everywhere kind of person.

These are the kind of people that even though we feel moved to compassion by their unlucky circumstances, we might promise to pray for them, but if we’re honest, we have a tendency to avoid their company. And only for the simple reason that even though bad luck isn’t a contagious malady, we still avoid them because we don’t want that negative mo jo to rub off on us. Okay, so maybe I’m the only one honest enough to admit that!

In the same way I avoid those negative vibes and bad luck magnets, I purposely seek after the company of people who are positive and upbeat. Most of us are attracted to charismatic people. People who always have a smile on their face are more appealing to hang around than a sourpuss.

Is it any wonder when we encounter someone who’s been hugely successful at losing weight, we flock to them like bargain shoppers at a clearance sale? Aren’t we all secretly hoping their success will rub off on us? We follow after them, interrogating them, “how’d you lose the weight?” Or “what’s your secret?” We want them to breathe on us in the hopes we’ll catch their thinness like a contagious disease.

Guess what? Reality check time? We can’t catch weight loss – not by osmosis or even doing everything that person may have done to get thin. Even if we duplicated someone else’s weight loss regime to the letter, there are no guarantees our success will mimic theirs. Which is why on all the weight loss TV commercials the ads contain a disclaimer specifically stating, “Weight loss not typical. Results may vary.”

Our weight loss journey must be walked out by us, one step at a time. We can enlist the aid of an accountability partner to keep us on target with our food plan. We can find an exercise buddy to work out with, but ultimately our bodies – our DNA belong only to us and we’ve got to put the work in ourselves. Contrary to what weight loss pill manufacturers want us to believe - there is no magic pill that will melt the weight off. Losing weight is hard work and a day-to-day (or for me, hour-by-hour) struggle.

The good news is, if we put the work and effort into seriously losing weight, time passes and we eventually become that person who’s a walking success story giving off that positive vibe. Before you know it, we’ll become that person that everyone flocks to and starts badgering, “Hey, what’s the secret to your successful weight loss?” That’s when you tell them the truth, “Hard work and lots of it! And prayer and lots and lots of it!”

Faith can move mountains, but don’t be surprised if God hands you a shovel. ~ Author Unknown

“10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.” Hebrews 6:10-12 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, help me to diligently seek after you and your kingdom. Help me to walk this weight loss journey one step at a time. Help me to acquire more knowledge and determination every day and resist temptations along the way. May each step bring me one day closer to reaching my goal. In your name I ask all these things, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Three weeks have come and gone in the New Year and I’m not surprised to hear of the number of people who’ve already ditched their resolutions. I’ll admit, three weeks feels like a lifetime for me especially since I feel as though I’ve very little to show for it yet.

For the most part, my clothes fit the same – no dramatic changes in any of my numbers yet. I have to ask myself every day, “What am I hoping to accomplish with this resolution?” Depending on my mood, the answer is subject to change.

Losing weight remains at the top of the list, but I’m hoping at some point, I’ll adjust my attitude enough so at the end of the year, I can look myself in the mirror and like who I am. For many – that would be no big deal, but not all of us possess a healthy self-esteem. I’m pretty sure I’m the queen of the low self-esteem club. It will take more than a resolution to change a lifetime worth of negative self-talk.

Sadly, I’m one of those people whose worth and value is intimately intertwined with what I weigh. It’s stupid I know, but it’s something I’m aware of and have spent years trying to overcome. For too many reasons to list, even though I like who I am as a person and a woman (most of the time), I feel like if I weighed what it says on my driver’s license (insert your snort of laughter here), then I’d be a happier person in general. Since I’ve gained this extra weight, I feel like there’s a stranger living in my body. I’ve never felt less like myself than I have in the few years I’ve been “dating menopause.”

This is a good news/bad news scenario since I know that the weight will take some time to come off and I know that women can be peri-menopausal for 10-15 years. So I guess the good news is there’s a very dim light at the end of this menopause tunnel, but the bad news it’s an express train carrying Father Time, Mr. Gravity and most likely my AARP membership.

For now, I’ll hang in there. Hopefully, I’ve convinced enough friends to come along on the journey with me so I won’t be totally alone! Thank goodness I can rest in the knowledge God is with me and will remain by my side indefinitely.

I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. ~Author Unknown

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer. 29:11 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord for seeing me through another moderately successful week. I pray you will help me to learn from any mistakes made this past week. May I continually move forward and conquer bad habits. I pray each day will bring me one day closer to a happier, healthier me. Thank you for your many blessings. I ask all these things in your precious name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

With two weeks behind us (and most of us secretly hoping that our behinds are shrinking even a little bit), it’s a good day to take stock of what we’ve accomplished in the last two weeks. For me, I’ve noticed a trend this week in the fact that when I go to bed at night, my stomach has been growling. For some you may be thinking, “So?” But for me, the evidence of hunger is a positive sign that I’ve not been over-indulging or binge eating. Hunger pains are somewhat foreign to me. It’s been a long time since I placed food restrictions on myself.

I’m an emotional eater and tend to use food not just when I’m depressed but in cases of sadness, worry and stress. I also use food in times of celebration. I can best be described as a “Seafood” eater. Or more appropriately “See” food, meaning if I see it – I eat it – and boy, did I! Major lifestyle changes in the last year, my age and my casual relationship with menopause have all attributed to my recent weight gain. For me, the hardest part of my resolution to lose weight and get healthy, has been admitting publicly that I have a food addiction.

I use food to pacify my emotions and then make feeble attempts to counteract my indulgences by combating the excess calories with obsessive exercise. Looking back over my journals for the past decade and beyond, I’m ashamed to admit this has been a habitual pattern most of my life. Now in my 50s, my metabolism can no longer be manipulated by my food bingeing and compulsive exercise. It would seem as though the price for my addictions is going to be steep, as now my extra 20 pounds has blossomed into nearly 40 pounds – and this excess weight is not coming off without a fight.

I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes and never defeat this foe. I’ve been walking faithfully with God and growing and maturing in other areas for more than three decades, but in this one area of my life, I’ve been unwilling or unable to lay this addiction down. I’ve experienced great success in the past and even worked for an international weight loss organization for several years and maintained my “ideal weight” for nearly 10 years. The death of both my parents, getting older, menopause and Empty Nest Syndrome have all conspired against me and my weight goals.

The first step towards healing is admitting there is a problem. The second step is working out these issues one at a time, facing my weaknesses head on and taking it one day at a time. The enemy would have us believe we’re the only one who ever sruggles with these suffocating addictions. The good news is - the enemy is a liar, and our Father in Heaven promises never to leave us or forsake us.

Tomorrow is a new day!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.” Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: I confess my addiction to food and exercise, Lord. I pray you will forgive me for my weaknesses. Lift me up and make me strong when I am weak. Help me to resist temptation and trust in you to guide my paths. I’m afraid I’ll continue to live this way unles you step in and change my temperament and my resolve. I cannot do this without your constant help and intervention. Give me this day my daily bread and may that bread be enough to satisfy my spirit and my flesh. I ask these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.