Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

Little Bites of Wisdom

My husband and I spent a few days out of town celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. (Trying to post my blog from a hotel lobby and their free internet access was somewhat challenging, but I say kudos to me for posting anything at all!)

I’ve been blessed to be married to a man who has loved me for the last 23 years in spite of the fact that I’m a very moody, emotionally, hormonally charged woman. Loving me hasn’t always been fun or easy for him for all of that time, but I’d wager it’s been entertaining on more than one occasion.

One of the best things about my husband is that during our 23 years (plus one extra for dating) he’s seen my weight fluctuate from an all time low on our wedding day of 128 pounds up to nearly 200 pounds during pregnancy and menopause.

In all that time he’s NEVER been unkind or unloving towards me with regards to my weight. In fact he’s insisted that he’s more in love with me today than when we married all those years ago when I was at my thinnest.

For him love is not based on the external. He’s never seen me as anything less than the most beautiful woman in the world, to quote him. When I married him I’d been out of a previous marriage for a couple of years and barely had any self-esteem to speak of. And what I did have was so low; I slunk around with my chin practically dragging on the ground.

The fact that he saw beyond that and could love me when I had zero self-esteem, no self-confidence and was so completely introverted is a testament to a faithful man of God following after the Lord. He loved me when I was so completely unlovable and that proved difficult and challenging for me. I was certain there was something wrong with him because I thought I wasn’t worth loving. I was sure he was one of those weird chubby chaser guys (a man who loves fat women).

Even though I wasn’t anywhere near fat when we met and married I carried that ugly little fat girl image of myself and thought my husband was a man not to be trusted. The idea of him loving someone as unattractive as me was so ridiculous and preposterous to me. I was sure he’d turn out to be an abusive and controlling sicko and wind up on America’s Most Wanted. Boy did I ever have issues!

Sometimes I marvel at my husband’s commitment to me and our marriage. He has never wavered in his love for me even though I spent quite a few years pushing him away to simply prove that I’d been right about him all along.

I’m so grateful that he’s stuck with me in spite of my weirdness and my idiosyncrasies. Were it not for his deep relationship with Christ, I’m certain I would have driven him off in the first five years of our marriage. It’s only because he made a covenant with Christ to love me as Christ loved the church that he’s been able to love me unconditionally.

He was always supportive of my decision to be a stay-at-home mother for all these years. He is by far my greatest supporter and cheerleader with regards to my writing career. He has loved me thin and he has loved me fat; he has loved me sane and he has loved me crazy. He has loved me at my worst, my ugliest and everything in between and I am blessed beyond measure.

My husband Bob is the best man I know and one of the most Godly people I’ve ever met. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve to be loved by a man such as him. Through the love of my husband, God has shown me the complete all-consuming love of Christ.

I lived the first 30 years of my life convinced I was as unlovable as one human being could possibly be. In the last 23 years God has shown me the love of a Heavenly Father, the love of His Son, Jesus Christ and the love of an amazing man of God. God has restored to me what the enemy tried to steal from me and I am loved beyond measure. It doesn’t get much better than that!

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord thank you for the gift of such a wonderful, loving husband. I pray that you will grant us many happy years to come. Help me to love him as unconditionally and thoroughly as he has loved me. Help us to continue to keep You at the center of our great union. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Today is one of those days I have to ask myself if I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction of my former comfort zone. For most of life I would never have considered leaving my house without fixing my hair or applying makeup. As of late, I’ve gotten so comfortable with the woman I am at this weight and with or without makeup that I’ve gotten in the habit of shopping with little or no makeup.

Today I had to run a few errands and pick my grandson up from school. Because I knew I’d be coming home and swimming this afternoon, I barely fixed my hair and settled for a quick swipe of mascara across my lashes – calling it good in the makeup department.

Of all days to be neglectful! I arrived at school 25 minutes early to secure a primo parking space and to spend some quiet time reading a book. I’d no sooner turned the engine off and got comfortable when I kid you not – a television reporter from a local station sidled up to my window asking permission to interview me for tonight’s news broadcast. Something to do with the excessive heat and making sure the kids have plenty of water, blah, blah, blah … honestly the topic barely registered with me.

All I could think of was “Holy schnikeys, my hair looks like crap today and I have next to no makeup on!” I quickly declined the reporters request explaining that I was just a grandma filling in for today’s early release pickup and I wasn’t a proper authority on the comings and goings of the students at the school.

Whew, I barely dodged that bullet! Somehow seeing my freckled, wrinkled face sans makeup and tousled spiky hair splattered across my 62” TV screen held little or no appeal for me today!

I make no excuses for who or what I am these days. For the first time in my life I’m completely comfortable with myself. Take or leave it. However, I do feel a certain obligation to try and look presentable out in public because whether I like it or not, as a believer in Christ Jesus I am still an ambassador for the body of Christ. (At least my clothes were presentable and I didn’t go out in public in my painting clothes!)

Being comfortable with ourselves is great but we also need to remember that these vessels that God has entrusted to us are precious and we have a responsibility to maintain them to the best of our ability. That doesn’t mean wearing designer clothes and buying expensive makeup or hair care products. It simply means that we do the best we can with what we’ve been given.

Today’s lesson for me was I’d drifted slightly too far over in the opposite direction and upset my balance. We must have balance in everything! I’m not going to change overly much in the other direction again, but in the future I will make sure that I try to be camera ready should the need arise. For me that means an extra swipe of mascara, blusher on my cheek bones and hair gel or hair spray and voila … I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille!

Learn to… be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for this new found peace I have with myself. As I enjoy this new freedom, help me to continually live in balance in every area of my life and do my best to be your ambassador so I will never bring shame to the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I love you Lord and ask all these things in your name. Amen.

It feels like I’ve been away from my computer forever! Because of my last post and subsequent absence, there may be those wondering if I’d succumbed to a giant bag of Cheez Doodles, never to be heard from again. But all is well in my world and the Cheez Doodles were but a momentary lapse in judgment.

I was visiting my kids up north and helping my youngest decorate her apartment and get organized before school starts. It’s easy to take the simple everyday pleasures in life for granted; like cable television, DVRs and the internet – none of which had been connected by the time I left.

Three days of kamikaze shopping, hanging drapes, pictures and searching for inexpensive furniture and artwork, not to mention exsisting on fast food (which was a better alternative than the standard college menu of Top Ramen or PB & Js) and I was more than ready to come home. My digestive tract had reached its limits, plus I missed my own bed, my husband and my dog.

Driving home late yesterday I was forced to navigate my way through one of the scariest thunderstorms I’ve ever seen. Gale force winds buffeted my car while blinding lightning and deafening thunder rocked and rolled all about me. I’ve got to tell you – I think I saw my life flash before my eyes for a few minutes there. It was a scary storm. I was forced to pull over with a few hundred other people as visibility was nil because of the heavy rainfall. I sat singing praise songs to God at the top of my lungs because I was terrified to my very core. Stuff like that makes a girl stop and think about a few things.

As I sat singing and praying for a brief moment I thought it would totally suck to drive over some steep embankment the day before my birthday. Yep, today is my birthday. Everybody’s got to go sometime and I suppose going to be with Jesus within a day or two of your birthday makes it easier for people to mathematically calculate your age at death by the dates on your tombstone – but seriously I had to stop and question whether I was ready to take that kind of journey. Do I have any unfinished business? Would I be ready to meet my maker in a flash?

For the last few weeks (no more like the last couple of years) I’ve been doing that whole who am I and what meaning does my life have soul searching thing. I’ve been questioning my importance on planet Earth now that my full time job as mother has been down-sized. Birthdays (and terrifying rainstorms) are often time for reflection – at least for me. I have a tendency to do that inventory thing itemizing all I’ve accomplished in the last year versus what is left on my ultimate To Do list.

Hmm … makes you think …

“As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:31-33 (NLT)

Summer fairly flew by and before I knew what hit me, it had arrived: the day I’d been dreading for the past 18 years. It was time to push my youngest out of the nest and let her spread her wings and fly away to college, joining her brother the college junior, 120 miles to the north. As my husband and I stood arm-in-arm and watched this fully grown 18 year old woman walk away from us, tears coursed down our cheeks. My daughter put on a courageous face, turned for one final wave and walked bravely into her unknown future at what would become her home for the next four years of her undergraduate career.

Blah, blah, blah – look at me waxing poetic and getting all sappy when in reality nothing could be farther from the truth! Okay, I’ll admit it – there was definitely sentiment, chaos and emotion on this auspicious occasion, but mostly on my part. Somehow I managed to temper it so as not to single out my daughter and make her an instant laughing stock amongst her peers. Inside I was a sloppy, emotional retard given to fully fueled crying jags whenever I found time to steal away by myself. My husband, on the other hand, was secretly dancing with barely contained happy feet at the prospect of finally having all of our children out of the house for the first time in our 22 year marriage.

Now that our children have been gone for six weeks, the household is adjusting and I’m seeing some definite pluses and minuses to this empty nest thing. I confess, initially I fell into an empty nest funk that saw me wallowing in self-pity and turning to my old, best friend, Mr. Oreo, double-stuff, extraordinaire. But I’m better now and happy to be productive and actually writing again. (**Coming soon, the publication of my first novel!) And as for Mr. Oreo, well he’s been given his walking papers and I’ve vowed to keep my relationship with sandwich cookies on hold indefinitely.

One thing that worries me with this empty nest thing is I’ve had several people ask me, “Now that your kids are gone, are you and your hubby running around naked all the time?” Most of these people who ask this question are 60 and over, which has me wondering about the predecessors of earlier generations. Did older people do a lot of naked cavorting in the 50s and 60s? Ick! That conjures up mental images that register high on the scare-o-meter. And ICK, my husband and I are both eligible for our AARP cards now, so seriously … who wants to see that in the bright light of day? That’s one for the minus column, for sure.

My husband and I aren’t the only ones transitioning in this empty nest thing. Our dog is suffering an identity crisis of epic proportions and has become my best bud and constant shadow. I haven’t decided yet if this is a plus or a minus. He follows me everywhere, including the bathroom because he feels so abandoned since the kids have left. His status as simple family pet has been elevated to “the Little Prince.”

I’m worried we’re going to become one of those couples that transfers all attention and emotion to this four-legged furry resident because he’s now the center of attention. I’m ashamed to admit I carry on full-blown conversations with him now, asking his opinion on things like TV shows and dinner selections. Ok, without even discussing this further, I think we’ll place this one in the “minus” column and send out a request for help that might involve medication if this escalates to the next level: having him pick out matching wardrobe ensembles for the two of us and buying a large shoulder bag to carry him to the grocery store with me.

And speaking of dinner selections, I would definitely place this one in the plus column. After 22 years of trying to cook chicken and hamburger in 100 economical ways that pleases every palate, I’d grown weary of hearing, “I don’t like that!” Mealtimes now are the one time I delight in the silence.

My favorite evening meal has become cereal or toast. My husband, who falls in the category of “will eat anything covered in cheese and rolled in a tortilla,” is so easy to please, it’s laughable. Although now with the kids gone who were all “persnickety” eaters at best, the hubs has taken to culinary experimentation. He’s got an apron, a chef’s coat and discovered a seasoning rub that he’s taken a liking to. If he gets a chefs hat and asks me to call him “Chef Bobere” I may consider trading him in for a George Foreman grill and a Golden Retriever.

My husband has been doing some empty syndrome adjusting that quite frankly, worries me ever so slightly. Never one who liked to run errands alone, he used to bribe the children to go with him everywhere. He’s finally faced facts that Home Depot and the pool supply store are far down on my list of “least favorite places” to shop and he’s finally stopped asking me to tag along. That’s not what has me worried though. The behavior that has alarm bells ringing in my head is his newfound willingness to grocery shop. While this is a definite plus for me, it’s opened my eyes to a whole other side of my husband. The jury’s still out as to whether this new side of him is a plus or minus.

He’s morphed into one of those old men that clips coupons on Sunday mornings, tucking them away in his special envelope, all the while laughing to himself as he peruses the grocery ads. He doesn’t think I’m watching him as he grins and talks to himself (or the dog) that “it’s like stealing! They’re giving this stuff away for free!” I look at him and think to myself, “when did Grandpa move in with me and where did my husband disappear to?”

He’s gotten this grocery thing down to a very specific science now. Like a warrior preparing for battle, he rises early on Saturday or Sunday mornings and goes for an early morning run at the track. This is his pre-war attack strategy where he maps out his target. Once he’s finished with his run, he grabs his battle gear: coupons, grocery list and grocery cash. Of course he never leaves home without his secret weapon, his debit card – should the aforementioned become depleted too early. He sees the grocery store as a battlefield that must be divided and conquered. His technique is to do an outside sweep first – produce, dairy, meat and toiletries and then move on to the vulnerable easy prey in the inner sanctum – snack foods, canned goods, staples and frozen foods.

Upon his return, each shopping mission is deemed a success when he comes home the victor displaying his spoils of battle. He proudly parades his bargains and deals before me and I swear, has yet to return with no less than four boxes of cereal each and every shopping trip! He’s gotten so good at shopping for deals on boxed cereal; he and I could survive until the next millennium with what is in our pantry. (Of course we can’t leave the house because he’s not yet learned that deodorant, shampoo and laundry soap are valuable commodities to conquer as well. But hey, he gets an “A” for effort anyway.) Who knew cereal killer was an undiagnosed side effect of empty nest syndrome?

One thing for sure, this empty nest thing has many positives and negatives, pluses and minuses. I can now better understand why so many couples divorce at this time in their lives. It’s definitely a challenge at this age to grow together and not farther apart without the glue of shared parental responsibility. But don’t worry about us. My husband and I are made of stronger stuff. We’re glued together with the bond of Christ and are blessed to be each other’s best friend. I have no doubts we’ll adjust to this lifestyle without children. At least we’ll never go hungry as long as my husband the cereal killer is around. Now if I could just get him to learn to love shoe shopping … this empty nest thing might be worth something after all!

Dear Lord, thank you for healthy, happy children who are blessed to have the opportunity to further their educations. I pray for their continued safety and ask that you would bless them with wisdom and common sense as they grow into productive adults. Help them learn to rely on you more and less on us. I pray my husband and I can enjoy this chapter in our lives and pray that you will help us to find fulfillment in our marriage as we’re in unfamiliar territory for the first time. Help me especially to let go of my children and give them the freedom to find out who they are as people without my constant interference. Help me to rediscover who I am as a person and help me to fulfill those desires and dreams you’ve placed in my heart to serve you that are separate and apart from my role as a mother. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen!

“So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink and clothes. Doesn’t life consist of more than food and clothing?” Matthew 6:25 (NLT)

The month of May has been filled with milestones for my family. End of the year awards ceremonies, final dance concerts … graduations. Each event has required emotional fortitude, boxes of Kleenex, extra memory cards for the Kodak and outfits that don’t repeat for each occasion. The Kleenex and memory cards … no problem. Emotional fortitude, that’s tougher. But what’s really taxed my patience, my wallet and my self-esteem has been the wardrobe changes. Ooooohhh … that’s been downright brutal!

Years ago, perhaps five years BM (before menopause), I used to have a few standard “Go To” outfits that I could always count on to make me feel better. Don’t we all have a blouse or dress that as soon as we don it, we know we look good in it? Or even if we don’t actually look good in it – we feel like we look good in it. They say it’s not the clothes that make the man – but perhaps They never had a pair of jeans that made their butts look two sizes smaller even after they’d been snorfing down Oreos for weeks at a time!

My “Go To” outfits have varied and changed over the years, but I’ve always had a few items of clothing that as soon as the fabrics glided over my head or were pulled up over my lumpy thighs, I felt fabulous. With that perfect “Go To” outfit, my demeanor instantly becomes more secure and my carriage and walk reeks with confident self-esteem. When I know I’m wearing something that I feel really good in – watch out, I am woman - hear me roar … I can leap tall buildings in a single bound or strut my stuff in the aisles of the supermarket!

As a woman, I’ve been trained since birth to pick clothes for my body type that complement my curves or camouflage by bulges. (Actually I think it’s written in the fine print in every woman’s birth certificate that she must learn to dress for her body type – right above the clause that says PMS excuses everything.) It’s amazing what a yard of fabric that contains at least 5% spandex can do for a girl’s menopausal midriff and her confidence level!

As of late though, since I’m officially engaged to Menopause and about to permanently change my name to “Get out of the way, Don’t mess with Me unless you really have a death wish!” – my “Go To” outfits have all gone south and I find myself with nary a thing to wear that compliments anything other than my cranky disposition. The floor of my walk-in closet seems to be permanently littered with rejects that are all now too tight, too short, too small or just too young for my middle-aged saggy self.

Have you seen those ads: Get bikini ready by summer? I mean, seriously - who are those ads targeting? Certainly not women my age! Bikinis! Yeah right! Why don’t they just ask us all to sprout wings and fly to China! And let’s face it … Valerie Bertinelli … she’s hurt us all, that skinny little 49-year-old !#%$#@*&?!

My daughter continues to hound and humiliate me by dragging me into Forever 21, torturing me with tiny cotton tees and form-fitting jeans that she thinks I must try on. I’m adamant that perhaps when they consider changing the name of their store to Forever Frumpy, I’ll consider buying the clothes they sell. I’m no spring chicken anymore and it’s time to face the facts and change my manner of dress. I’m not 21 anymore – or even 40, for that matter. It’s time for new middle-age “Go To” garments.

What’s a woman my age supposed to rely on at this stage of life? The very idea of exchanging my “just below the waist jeans” for elastic waist (zipper-less) high-rise trousers makes me break out in a cold sweat! Retiring my chunky platform sandals and replacing them with sensible walking shoes makes me cringe. Or heaven forbid shopping for the dreaded Moo-moo instead of sundresses – well that should just be outlawed! It all depresses the heck out of me. I’m not ready to sport over-sized “Ask Me about my Grandchildren” tee shirts! I’m a 1950s girl living in an MTV and Housewives of Orange County society. I’m too young to become “Aunt Bee!”

Frankly, shopping for clothes these days is an exercise in pain. First of all, dressing room mirrors are designed for size 2 to 4 stick girls and only accentuate the flaws of the mature woman – of which I am. And secondly, the fashion industry offers little these days for us woman stuck in the in-between stages of life. Department stores are defined by Juniors and Woman’s World. Where does the woman between the ages of 40 and 70 fit in exactly?

I propose that clothing manufacturers design a whole new line of clothing specifically aimed at us in-between gals. They could call their fashion line, “Go-To Garments for those who’ve still got in and know what to do with it!” While over 50 celebrities are doing their part to redefine the “maturing” woman, most of us over 50 gals can’t afford the plastic surgery, personal trainers and expensive designer wardrobes that the celebrities have come to rely on to retain their youth. We are real women with real curves, wrinkles, bulges and sags. I don’t want to dress like a 21-year-old – but by the same token, I don’t want to dress like my grandmother! Dressing for your age has become more difficult for my generation than poor old “Aunt Bee.” The woman who portrayed Aunt Bee was only 54 when she started her stint on The Andy Griffith show – but seriously – she dressed and acted 20 years older!

We are not our mothers, ladies! We are 21st century middle-aged women!

Hence, I set forth and vow 21st century thinking from here on out. My mission for the summer (should I choose to accept it) is threefold:

1. Revitalize my “Go To” wardrobe and find suitable outfits that make me feel good about myself, regardless of what the fun-house mirrors (designed for stick girls) reflects back to me.

2. Refuse to stress out about menopausal weight-gain and be satisfied and content with myself EXACTLY as I am right now and not what I hope to look like after I lose those annoying 30 pounds! I choose to embrace the woman I am today.

And lastly …

3. Be grateful for each and every day; live it like it’s my last day and don’t worry – be happy, life is good and so is God!

AMEN, Sisters! We are women … hear us roar, or at least growl loud enough for people to stand up and take notice!

Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

Category: Just Plain Life

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