“So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink and clothes. Doesn’t life consist of more than food and clothing?” Matthew 6:25 (NLT)

The month of May has been filled with milestones for my family. End of the year awards ceremonies, final dance concerts … graduations. Each event has required emotional fortitude, boxes of Kleenex, extra memory cards for the Kodak and outfits that don’t repeat for each occasion. The Kleenex and memory cards … no problem. Emotional fortitude, that’s tougher. But what’s really taxed my patience, my wallet and my self-esteem has been the wardrobe changes. Ooooohhh … that’s been downright brutal!

Years ago, perhaps five years BM (before menopause), I used to have a few standard “Go To” outfits that I could always count on to make me feel better. Don’t we all have a blouse or dress that as soon as we don it, we know we look good in it? Or even if we don’t actually look good in it – we feel like we look good in it. They say it’s not the clothes that make the man – but perhaps They never had a pair of jeans that made their butts look two sizes smaller even after they’d been snorfing down Oreos for weeks at a time!

My “Go To” outfits have varied and changed over the years, but I’ve always had a few items of clothing that as soon as the fabrics glided over my head or were pulled up over my lumpy thighs, I felt fabulous. With that perfect “Go To” outfit, my demeanor instantly becomes more secure and my carriage and walk reeks with confident self-esteem. When I know I’m wearing something that I feel really good in – watch out, I am woman - hear me roar … I can leap tall buildings in a single bound or strut my stuff in the aisles of the supermarket!

As a woman, I’ve been trained since birth to pick clothes for my body type that complement my curves or camouflage by bulges. (Actually I think it’s written in the fine print in every woman’s birth certificate that she must learn to dress for her body type – right above the clause that says PMS excuses everything.) It’s amazing what a yard of fabric that contains at least 5% spandex can do for a girl’s menopausal midriff and her confidence level!

As of late though, since I’m officially engaged to Menopause and about to permanently change my name to “Get out of the way, Don’t mess with Me unless you really have a death wish!” – my “Go To” outfits have all gone south and I find myself with nary a thing to wear that compliments anything other than my cranky disposition. The floor of my walk-in closet seems to be permanently littered with rejects that are all now too tight, too short, too small or just too young for my middle-aged saggy self.

Have you seen those ads: Get bikini ready by summer? I mean, seriously - who are those ads targeting? Certainly not women my age! Bikinis! Yeah right! Why don’t they just ask us all to sprout wings and fly to China! And let’s face it … Valerie Bertinelli … she’s hurt us all, that skinny little 49-year-old !#%$#@*&?!

My daughter continues to hound and humiliate me by dragging me into Forever 21, torturing me with tiny cotton tees and form-fitting jeans that she thinks I must try on. I’m adamant that perhaps when they consider changing the name of their store to Forever Frumpy, I’ll consider buying the clothes they sell. I’m no spring chicken anymore and it’s time to face the facts and change my manner of dress. I’m not 21 anymore – or even 40, for that matter. It’s time for new middle-age “Go To” garments.

What’s a woman my age supposed to rely on at this stage of life? The very idea of exchanging my “just below the waist jeans” for elastic waist (zipper-less) high-rise trousers makes me break out in a cold sweat! Retiring my chunky platform sandals and replacing them with sensible walking shoes makes me cringe. Or heaven forbid shopping for the dreaded Moo-moo instead of sundresses – well that should just be outlawed! It all depresses the heck out of me. I’m not ready to sport over-sized “Ask Me about my Grandchildren” tee shirts! I’m a 1950s girl living in an MTV and Housewives of Orange County society. I’m too young to become “Aunt Bee!”

Frankly, shopping for clothes these days is an exercise in pain. First of all, dressing room mirrors are designed for size 2 to 4 stick girls and only accentuate the flaws of the mature woman – of which I am. And secondly, the fashion industry offers little these days for us woman stuck in the in-between stages of life. Department stores are defined by Juniors and Woman’s World. Where does the woman between the ages of 40 and 70 fit in exactly?

I propose that clothing manufacturers design a whole new line of clothing specifically aimed at us in-between gals. They could call their fashion line, “Go-To Garments for those who’ve still got in and know what to do with it!” While over 50 celebrities are doing their part to redefine the “maturing” woman, most of us over 50 gals can’t afford the plastic surgery, personal trainers and expensive designer wardrobes that the celebrities have come to rely on to retain their youth. We are real women with real curves, wrinkles, bulges and sags. I don’t want to dress like a 21-year-old – but by the same token, I don’t want to dress like my grandmother! Dressing for your age has become more difficult for my generation than poor old “Aunt Bee.” The woman who portrayed Aunt Bee was only 54 when she started her stint on The Andy Griffith show – but seriously – she dressed and acted 20 years older!

We are not our mothers, ladies! We are 21st century middle-aged women!

Hence, I set forth and vow 21st century thinking from here on out. My mission for the summer (should I choose to accept it) is threefold:

1. Revitalize my “Go To” wardrobe and find suitable outfits that make me feel good about myself, regardless of what the fun-house mirrors (designed for stick girls) reflects back to me.

2. Refuse to stress out about menopausal weight-gain and be satisfied and content with myself EXACTLY as I am right now and not what I hope to look like after I lose those annoying 30 pounds! I choose to embrace the woman I am today.

And lastly …

3. Be grateful for each and every day; live it like it’s my last day and don’t worry – be happy, life is good and so is God!

AMEN, Sisters! We are women … hear us roar, or at least growl loud enough for people to stand up and take notice!