Picture Im-Perfect
I’m working on a picture project for a group I’m involved with and requested pictures of each couple in the group, forgetting of course, I would need a picture of my husband and myself. Duh! Too late I remembered my aversion to having pictures taken of myself and so of course now I’m scrambling and coming up totally empty.
Searching through two decades of photos, my collection of family photos is vast and includes thousands of pictures. Yet, I was hard pressed to find more than a dozen or so pictures of myself, with the exception of wedding pictures. This of course has been a regular complaint from my children whenever they’ve needed family photos for anything at school. Their complaints are unanimous, “Mom, there’s no pictures of you!”
My picture phobia is a lifelong problem dating back to my chubby childhood which invariably captured my image spotlighting my horrendous overbite, freckled face and pixie haircut. Today isn’t much better. Every picture I’ve ever seen of myself is a constant reminder of the things I dislike about myself. Usually my weight is first and foremost, but I’m generally unhappy with my overall appearance.
While God has been doing a mighty work on me and my attitude, some habits are harder to break than others. I’m still uncomfortable having my picture taken and no amount of prayer can move my immovable resolve to avoid cameras at all costs. Logically I know this is an unfair attitude to maintain because it is so unfair to my children. Some day when I die, my children and their children will have few photographs to remember me by. I know I must work hard to change this before it’s too late. I KNOW I need help in this area!
Just as excess weight gain is typically a manifestation of some deeper issue, I’m certain this picture paranoia is a manifestation of something much deeper as well. No doubt these two toxic issues are married to one another and are ganging up on me making me totally neurotic. There are days I wonder how it’s possible for God to take someone like me who is such an emotional mess and continue to grant me mercy and still love me in spite of all my problems.
I trust I’m not the only woman who feels this way sometimes. And while I’m fairly certain I must be suffering some sort of hormonal imbalance today reacting this way to pictures – I’m also pretty certain that this little ploy is simply another attack from the enemy designed to steer me away from God. His subtly is amazing and very nearly worked today. It’s a good thing I know that scripture says “submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee.” (James 4:6-8)
Picture this – if you have a picture phobia like mine, in the future each time someone points and shoots for that perfect Kodak moment, smile and say “no weapon formed against me will prosper.” (Isaiah 54:17) And then remind yourself that you are made in the image and likeness of God. You look like your father and he thinks you’re amazing!
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“27So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NLT)
PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I know that it grieves you each time I find fault with my appearance and my weight. Please forgive me, but unless you send your Holy Spirit to change me from the inside out, I fear I’ll never overcome these issues. I WANT TO CHANGE, Lord, I really do! But without you, I am weak and fragile. Please forgive me. Come Holy Spirit and do a mighty work in me so that when I look in the mirror, I see what you see – my beautiful spirit and my loving heart. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.
