Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

I was watching an old movie the other day called Moonstruck. I cracked up laughing at the part where Nicholas Cage’s character tells Cher’s character that he loves her. She looks at him and then slaps young Nick across the face and tells him to “Snap out of it!” She’s engaged to his brother so clearly it’s a poor idea for him to be in love with her.

My point in sharing this is some days I wish God would do the same thing to me. Just slap me in the face and say “Snap out of it!”

I can’t seem to fully commit to this healthy lifestyle thing. I’m constantly plagued by injuries so I’ve got all these handy excuses for not working out. I still think about the wrong foods; I still give in to occasional snacking binges. When I do binge, I hide the evidence of my wrongdoing in the garbage, just like any guilty person would. I’m constantly worried about my next meal and nearly always playing “Let’s Make a Deal” figuring out what I can give up in order to eat what I really want.

So I’ve got to ask myself? Is this program really working for me, or I am simply manipulating the program to make it look like I’m working it?

I know the answer without even being told. I’m making very little progress. And I really do wish God would give me a good slap upside the head. Maybe a good jolt of shock therapy or something would zap me into the right mindset. The same way those electric paddles shock a person’s heart back into rhythm – maybe that’s what I need – electroshock therapy.

Don’t worry that I’m going to go stick my fork in an electrical outlet so I can get a good jolt. I’m not that far gone – yet. I simply don’t understand why some days I can be so perfect on the program and have a great award-winning attitude and then seemingly overnight … poof! Some nut job wakes up in my place and I’m irrational, emotional, moody, testy and the reigning queen of the Wicked Witch of the West pageant.

Upon further examination, there have been a lot things going on in my house and I have had some unusual physical challenges lately. I know … excuses, excuses. For me if I were to pinpoint what was directly responsible for my surly behavior I would say without a doubt it’s my lack of exercise. There’s something to be said for that endorphin release we get from physical activity. And I’ve had very little endorphin release lately and I’ve got all these endorphins backing up in my brain cavity with no real outlet for them. It’s starting to take a toll.

Unfortunately I can only do what I can do at this point – physically speaking. To push my body to do things I am unable to do right now would be detrimental to my overall health. I’m sure that’s how I’ve ended up in the physical mess I’m currently in. I was ignoring all the signals. Listening to my body is frustrating because my body and my mind are on different planets these days. But, listen to it I must.

Recognizing my problem doesn’t go far in solving my problem. Because of my limitations it goes without saying that I’m going to have to rely on healthy eating rather than exercise to help in my weight loss efforts.

It sure would be easier if I could simply “Snap out of it!” In the meantime, maybe 60 or 70 laps in the pool will do the trick. If I’m lucky I can let some of those endorphins leak out in my water aerobics. You never know.

I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie

33″I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray that you would help me to snap out of this funk that I’m in. Give me a new appreciation for life and all that you’ve blessed me with. May I dwell on all the good things in life rather than fixating on all the things that I think are wrong with my life. Heal my mind, heal my spirit and above all, please heal my body. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Our relationship with food can be a scary thing. So many of us have a love/hate relationship with food and we find ourselves out of control or out of balance with regards to the foods we eat. We are controlled by the power food has over us. Healthy foods can control us every bit as much as the junk foods.

This control was evident to me last night while I was enjoying a small cup of raspberry sherbet. I’d made allowances for my treat and measured out a half-cup serving. What bothered me was I noticed that I stood up at the kitchen sink and shoveled sherbet in like it was my last meal before being sealed in a sleep tube for a space mission rather than taking the time to sit down and enjoy my treat.

What is that all about? Am I an animal that has to eat standing up over my kill? Am I eating standing up because I need to be prepared for a fight or flight encounter should someone come and try to take my sherbet from me? Okay so it may only have been a measly half-cup serving, but it was in a dish and I used utensils and everything, even recorded it in my food journal. So why was I eating it in the same fashion I would employ with regards to an Oreo meltdown binge?

Similar to a couple of days ago, I felt like I was doing the out-of-body thing and watching myself as I ate, and it wasn’t pretty. My behavior when enjoying a planned healthy snack was no different than my binge eating.

I started examining my behavior and thought back to when this caveman attitude towards food must have surfaced. As near as I can figure, this out-of-control urge I have to rush through every meal, protecting my plate, has roots that go back to my early childhood. I grew up in a house with a single-working mother and our food budget was a bleak thing. We existed on a steady diet of mac and cheese, hot dogs and tuna casserole.

Whenever we got those rare treats like candy or cream-filled donuts (those were the best) I learned early on that you had to eat it quickly. There was always a brother or sister who would eat their treat really fast and then beg you for what was left of yours. If you didn’t eat your treat in a hurry, you had to hide it to save for later – and then eat it in secret so they wouldn’t know you still had it. Hmm … Isn’t that interesting?

Hel-lo, these childhood habits clearly define some of my poor eating habits of today. Today I no longer worry about my siblings begging for my food, but I’ve got a house full of my own kids who are systematically eating me out of house and home. If my husband or I buy something specifically for ourselves, we’ve still got to hide it from our kids. (Even though we buy them their own special food treats, they still want ours – what’s that all about?) Well, that’s a post for another day!

Somehow I’ve got to relax my eating attitudes and learn to simply sit and enjoy a meal, one spoonful at a time rather than rushing through it. I’m not a child any longer but a fully functioning productive member of society. My living circumstances are entirely different now and trust me when I say in the 23 years of my marriage, we’ve never worried about where our next meal was coming from. I don’t live in a third world country - there’s food on every corner so I know I’m not going to starve.

Just like we shouldn’t live with a cheater mindset, we shouldn’t live with a kill or be killed attitude when it comes to food. Make a menu plan, stick with it and then sit down and enjoy each planned meal. Sit at the table, set your fork down between bites. Make mealtime a dining experience and share it with loved ones - not in secret. Savor the flavors (even if it’s only broiled chicken and brown rice). Make meal times special and slow down and smell the rosemary. We’re not animals for goodness sake!

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. ~Voltaire

11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that you continue enlightening me with new revelations regarding my character and my habits. Please help me to savor the gift of mealtime and not hurry through it like it’s something to be conquered. I pray Lord you will continue to work in me and change the things in me that aren’t appealing to you. Thank you that I am a work in progress, may I learn something new every day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I remember a line from an old episode of Friends that I can’t get out of my head today. Ross and Rachel were thinking about getting back together again after Ross had cheated during their previous relationship. Rachel shared with Ross her mother’s opinion of “Once a cheater always a cheater.” I find myself questioning if that rule applies to diets as well as adultery.

If anyone knows how to cheat on a diet, it’s me. Not only do I have first-hand knowledge of diet shortcuts and cheats, but after working for a major weight loss organization for several years, I learned a few new tricks from some very creative members. Overall, I discovered that cheating on a diet is a universal problem and the vast majority of dieters cheat at some point on their diets. Clearly there are exceptions to every rule, but the “average” dieter gives in to temptation at some point in a weight loss program.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel better or to give some sort of unspoken permission that it’s okay to cheat. I’m merely presenting an observation that I discovered about myself recently.

Even if I’m having a perfect day with my eating program, I find my mind still toys with all the things I’d like to be eating instead of my planned menu. When I’m measuring out my serving of brown rice and weighing my protein, oftentimes I’m thinking about Whoppers and French fries. I’ve still got a “cheating head” that makes me lust after other foods.

In the Bible there’s a verse of scripture that says that simply looking at a woman with lust is every bit as bad as actually committing a lustful act. So does lusting after a Whopper make me as guilty as if I’d actually eaten one?

Yes and no.

If my thoughts are focused on sinful foods I like to eat then that opens my mind up for the enemy to come in and have a field day. The more we focus on something the more likely we’re apt to give in to those thoughts and possibly act on them. If I can think about a Whopper and not go buy one, then no serious damage has been done other than the fact that I’ve tortured myself with thoughts that gets me nothing in the end.

On the other hand, I can think about a Whopper for hours on end and it won’t add a single ounce of weight to my body. We can’t say that about thinking on other sinful situations like adultery. No, adultery doesn’t add weight to your body, but letting your mind entertain adulterous thoughts clearly will lead to thoughts that married people should not be entertaining. But that’s another sermon for another day.

If I continually have a cheater’s mindset, it’s likely I’ll give in to those desires at some point so it’s highly advisable that we learn to restructure our thoughts on less destructive desires. Thinking about sugar-free Jello or rice cakes is a lot safer than dwelling on burgers and fries.

Whoever said that watching your weight was easy clearly has never successfully lost weight. Not only does watching our weight require will-power to resist temptation, but we’ve got to put our thought life on a strict diet as well. Losing weight is not just hard work physically but emotionally exhausting as well – but so worth it in the end.

Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack. ~Author Unknown

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matthew 15:19 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, thank you for bringing it to my attention that I think about foods I should not be eating on a frequent basis. Please help to retrain my thoughts, my mind and my heart so I would not harbor lust for the things I know are not good for me. Help me to eliminate all destructive thoughts and retrain my mind to dwell only on what is pleasing to you Lord Jesus. I ask all these things in your name Lord Jesus. Amen.

It begins like any other day. You get up, shower, breakfast and read the morning paper. You head to the closet to pick out something comfy to wear for weekend loafing. The first red flag should be that you reject the tight denim Capri pants and opt for the over-sized Capri sweat pants with the extra long draw string.

Your loafing ensemble requires no makeup or daily hair care products. All that’s missing is a baggy “Bite Me” tee shirt. Trust me if I owned one, I’d definitely have worn it today. Hmmm, the sub-conscious mind has decided it’s to be one of those of days is it?

There’s nothing wrong with relaxing and taking an occasional break. We all need those kinds of days once in a while. The hubby’s gone golfing, the kids are working or hanging out with friends and you’re all alone with a good book and free weekend HBO and Cinemax for company.

It’s important at this point that we don’t let our sweatpants attire dictate a sweatpants mentality when it comes to food. Just because we’re relaxed and dressed for comfort and left alone with no witnesses, it’s not an open invitation to a secret raid on the pantry.

I found myself battling a sloppy attitude this afternoon simply because of my comfortably sloppy clothing. That’s when it hit me that I had subconsiously opted for the uniform of the depressed today. I’m not depressed, just feeling a little under the weather and battling some physical challenges.

Even though I wasn’t depressed, with my sweatpants attitude I felt like I should be digging in a container of Rocky Road ice cream like a miner digging for buried treasure. And so I did, striking gold or rather chocolate covered nuts and marshmallow swirls after a couple of small bites. Somehow I managed to stop myself as I felt as though I was having an out-of-body experience. There I was watching myself in the beginnings of a serious ice cream binge and the vision terrified me. Who is that girl? I thought I’d buried her.

I should have immediately called a trusted friend to confess my minor fall from grace and beg to be talked down off the ledge, but I opted for computer time instead. Writing is the best medicine for me and instantly side-tracked my one-track snack-attack mind.

Good Lord … I fear I will never keep the old me completely buried. The old me that wants to eat when she’s bored or eat when she’s lonely or eat when she simply doesn’t know why she’s eating – that girl is like my conjoined twin and she is my worst enemy.

I realize that the old me will never completely leave me as she is part of me. The secret is to not let her rule my life, my diet, my thoughts or even my wardrobe. The quickest way to stop a snack attack is to immediately change out of your depression uniform and squeeze into your swimming suit. Mine is a Nike tank suit designed for lap swimming. Once I had the swimsuit on, a few minutes in front of the full length mirror and any and all snacking urgings were instantly erased. Perhaps it was the fact that my retinas were burned by the vision of all of me stuffed in my tank suit that changed my mind. Whatever … I don’t care, as long as I abstain from snacking the rest of the day, that’s all that matters.

I think I may be on to the greatest appetite suppressant yet - just wear your swimming suit every time you’re tempted to eat and that ought to do the trick!

It doesn’t have to be one of those days if we don’t let it.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes. ~William James

15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I pray that you would create a clean heart in me and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence and please continue to teach me your ways. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Sometimes I can’t help but think I must be a special kind of stupid. Case in point: I volunteered to get up at the crack of dawn and be at church at 6:00 a.m. this morning to help cater a breakfast seminar. The operative word here is volunteered.

I didn’t mind the early morning hour or the six hours I put in setting up food tables or cleaning up afterwards. I didn’t even mind all the dishes I washed and dried. The stupid came in to play when the volunteer staff was invited to help themselves to the breakfast goodies being served: namely, at least 12 different types of ooey, gooey, cheesy Danish, iced pastries, muffins, bagels, croissants and oh yeah, some fruit and yogurt.

As we were cleaning up and packing up all the leftovers (and there were plenty) again, the stupid reared its ugly head when several bags of goodies were packaged up and shoved in my arms to take home with me … for the kids. Yeah, like those cheese Danish ever had a chance of making it even as far as the car!

There a lot of things I can say “no” to, but cheese Danish doesn’t happen to be on that list. Driving home with the smell of baked goods wafting around the air-conditioned interior I knew I was in serious trouble. It was no small miracle the baked goods survived the short drive relatively untouched.

I popped a Healthy Choice meal in the microwave immediately upon arriving home. Worried the green beans and Chicken Marsala wouldn’t satisfy my cravings for carbs,I ingested massive quantities of Diet Coke while my meal radiated in the microwave.

I’m certain I must have set some sort of land-speed eating record the way I inhaled my meal. Unfortunately the low-cal meal fell short In the “satisfied customer” department and it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to my lust for the pastries.

One of the advantages of being the President of the Special Kind of Stupid Club, is that the bylaws contain very specific provisos regarding justification that most people are unaware of.

First of all, I had no breakfast this morning; secondly I made sure to balance any pastry I consumed with equal amounts of fresh fruit; and thirdly I fully intend to skip dinner this evening. So technically only one meal was consumed today and it was in fact, a Healthy Choice meal.

In my defense, I didn’t consume one whole pastry, I just cut the ends off of two pastries, okay –maybe it was three, but it’s not like I had three whole pastries. Lastly, I only had one mini-muffin (or maybe it was two, but no more than three. No, it was definitely two) and mini-muffins are so little they shouldn’t count much at all – and at least they were blueberry so they were chocked full of antioxidents.

Okay, so I can see how bad this looks as I write it out. I may as well stamp LOSER across my forehead and put this one in the You Suck Column – but guess what? I’m not going to beat myself up.

I worked really hard this morning; gave unselfishly of my Saturday free time to serve the church, the community and God. I don’t eat this way every day because I know it’s not good for me. I fully intend to stop eating for the remainder of the day. Even as I type I’m flushing my body with gallons of water and regardless of the lies the enemy is attempting to scream in my ear – I’m not listening.

I am forgiven and I am the daughter of the King of Kings. He knows my struggles and my weaknesses and He loves me in spite of them. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to do better. Tomorrow.

Common sense is not so common. ~Voltaire

I turned away from God, but then I was sorry. I kicked myself for my stupidity! I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days. Jeremiah 31:19 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that I was able to give my time in service to you today. I ask forgiveness for my self-indulgence today. I know that you hear my prayers and your forgiveness is immediate, total and unconditional. May I be better tomorrow and exercise self-control. Thank you for loving me in spite of my failures. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It really should be a simple response, but likely is more torture than simplicity. You go out in public and someone tells you “how nice you look,” or “you look pretty today? Is that a new outfit?” All that’s required on your part is, “Thank you.”

Somehow the words stick in your throat like you’re gagging on a fiber filled throw pillow. You can’t bring yourself to utter those simple words because inside your head you’re hearing, “Oh gag me! I look like a giant wart hog,” or perhaps something similar but less flattering. Those thoughts run tandem with “what the heck have you been smoking” or you question the accuracy of that person’s myopically skewed vision.

When you’ve grown up cloaked in shame, self-loathing and self-hatred it doesn’t matter the sincerity of the compliment or who offers it up, you immediately reject statements which you perceive as sugar-coated bold face lies. If perhaps you’re a natural born realist with a propensity for cynicism (like me) you convince yourself someone is about to do some major sucking up to you and they must want something from you.

When in reality, the person offering you their sincere compliments may actually think you look nice. Period. No self-analysis required. No hidden agenda looming underneath a cleverly disguised conspiracy. No one wants to take advantage of you – they simply are offering a casual complement.

The road to recovery of a lifetime spent under this mantle of self-doubt will be paved with positive affirmations and encouragement along the way and we need to respond with simple trust not doubt.

Part of the recovery process is to stop listening to the negative voice of the enemy whispering in our ear regarding all that we are not. Healing from our wounded past means we must start agreeing with that still small voice of our Savior who’s trying to tell us “he accepts us just as we are.”

The next time someone says: “Gee, you look really pretty today!” You say: “Thank You!”

From here on out the road to recovery should be paved with Thank You blocks.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” ~William A. Ward

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:15 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the healing from the inside out. May you continue to heal my past wounds and scars. Help me to grow in maturity and wisdom daily. I am thankful for all that you have blessed me with. May I never forget to be thankful and have an attitude of gratitude. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

This has been a week where the repeated messages God seems to be sending me are centered on “obedience.” At first, I thought all these related messages were merely a coincidence, but as the week’s progressed, there’s no denying God wants to get my attention.

I’ve just finished reading a great book by Beth Moore, entitled “So Long, Insecurity you’ve been a bad friend to us.” Excellent book, one that I highly recommend to any woman ages 10 – 100. After all, who of us doesn’t suffer to some degree with insecurity?

The combination of this book and the many obedience messages God’s been slapping me in the face with – and I have to ask myself “Where am I being the most disobedient, God?”

Because I am full to overflowing with insecurity, right away I realized I’ve not obeyed Scripture after Scripture that speak specifically to how I’m to think of myself. I’ve failed in my obedience to God by reading His word but failing to have faith in the Word. I’ve neglected to take the Word of God into my mind and heart and apply it to my life. The Word of God isn’t just for a chosen few but for ALL believers.

Recently I was reading the book of Nehemiah in the Old Testament and there were several references to the people of God not taking care of God’s temple. When I read the account of their disobedience, conviction pierced my spirit like a flaming arrow. I’m guilty Lord, of misusing the temple you’ve entrusted to me: my body, your holy temple.

By submitting to my food cravings and allowing myself to regain weight previously lost, I’ve basically allowed squatters to move into my temple and misuse the premises. First Corinthians 3:16-17 (NIV) says it far better than I ever could: 16Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? 17If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

It’s time to sweep out the garbage I’ve let pile up in the corners of my neglected temple. Some serious remodeling is in order to get my house – God’s house – in order. Perhaps during this critical remodeling phase I can evict the previous tenants of fear and insecurity. They’ve been terrible tenants and I’ve allowed their raucous behavior to have free reign of the property.

Well no more! Today I’m serving up an eviction notice and a new LandLORD is taking over the property. It’s about time!

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. ~World Health Organization, 1948

1Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. Psalm 112:1 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord for wisdom and knowledge. May I use both to the fullest each and every day. Help me to sweep out the corners of my neglected temple and rebuild and remodel it to be healthy and full of joy. Thank you for the blessings in my life. I pray I can be an encourager to those who struggle. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Yesterday was one of those days that would be best if never repeated. Too many attacks on me personally and assaults against various members of my immediate family as well. Today I’m left with a residual feeling of yuckiness that appears unshakeable. On the bright side – the yuckiness lends itself to a certain usefulness in the fact that it acts as a great appetite suppressant; one that’s even better than Novocain.

As bed time rolled around last night, laying my head down an all over consuming fear gripped my mind refusing to release its hold, making sleep nearly impossible. When sleep did finally visit me, it was fraught with troubling nightmares and endless tossing and turning. No rest for the weary.

At one point during the night I awoke suddenly, sat up with a start and was certain there were three people stationed at the end of my bed. Not normal people mind you as they didn’t exactly have definable human shapes. Rubbing my eyes against what I was certain was my mind playing tricks on me or perhaps the hallucinogenic effects of the sleep medication I took before bedtime –I relaxed feeling a certain peace. More noticeably was the absence of the fear that gripped me prior to slumber. Normally a vision such as this would have me leaping from bed, screaming at the top of my lungs and seeking shelter in a closet. (Yep, I’ve done this many times - just ask my husband and kids!)

For whatever reason, my sleep foggy awareness convinced me that the three forms at the end of my bed were none other than the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Wrapped in the knowledge I was protected while I slept, made the rest of the evening pass uneventfully.

This morning as I woke to face today’s new trials (and they continue to be ongoing) my spirit wrestled between despair and depression because of these ridiculous attacks on me and the idea that I must be very close to a noteworthy breakthrough. Why else would the enemy be lobbing these missiles at me in an attempt to wear me down?

Not sure if what I sensed and saw with my nighttime vision was real or imagined, I spent my morning in prayer and time in the Word. The yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach has barely subsided, but I keep hearing this voice in my head that everything will be fine. I hope that’s more than just wishful thinking and actually the voice of the Holy Spirit sent to encourage me as the despair, depression and fear are paralyzing and not the way I want to spend my day.

Somehow I’m feeling these attacks are about more than “just a diet.” As silly as it sounds (and it does sound silly to me) this whole diet journey has deeper connotations. I find myself asking God, “What more do you want from me? What is this really about?”

The resulting attitude and message of these attacks has been simple, whether I’m recovering from an injury, dealing with a crisis in one of my children’s lives, working hard to lose excess body weight and keep my temple healthy for God – HE IS WITH ME. The good news that I am not alone is comforting in light of these attacks.

In my mind, instant deliverance makes more sense – but clearly God is control and He must know what He’s doing. As long as He continues to do it while standing guard at my bedside – I’m good with that.

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I am comforted by your holy presence. Knowing that you watch over me and protect me as I sleep fills me with peace. May you continue to make your presence known to me throughout each and every day, in little ways or big ways, I don’t care. Thank you for loving me and guarding me in all my ways. I am blessed by your love, my precious Lord. Please continue to stay close in my life. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I think I’ve stumbled upon a great appetite suppressant – quite by accident. I had a tiny filling for a small cavity at the dentist office today. It’s been years since I’ve had a cavity so I’d forgotten how uncomfortable Novocain can be.

My children call the effects of Novocain “stroke face” because half of your face becomes immobile and useless. They think there’s nothing funnier than saying or doing something to make you laugh or smile so they can quickly snap a picture. Most likely my stroke face will end up on Facebook at some point.

Five and a half hours after my procedure, the effects of the Novocain finally wore off. It was the longest, most uncomfortable feeling for that entire time. What made things worse, it was nearly impossible to eat anything during that time as I couldn’t feel my teeth, tongue, cheek or gums. Of course, that made chewing nearly impossible. When I did try to drink or chew, the dribble down my numb chin made the whole effort frustrating.

In addition to deterring my eating and snacking obsession, the Novocain made it impossible for me to bite my fingernails which is another annoying habit of mine. Two major uncontrollable habits wiped out with a single solution. What a discovery!

I started thinking that it’d be nice to have an at-home Novocain kit so I could inject my mouth every time the urge to snack hit me or every time I was stressed and wanted to chew on my fingers. Not being able to chew would certainly eliminate temptation. Although I doubt I’d have the nerve to inject myself in the mouth with a needle on a daily basis. Because temptation hits me at regular intervals –nearly every single day, I’d need the maximum injections possible.

Practical solutions are necessary to curb the appetite. It’s important to think ahead in order to beat the snack attacks. Pre-measured snacks in Ziploc sandwich bags in the cupboard or pantry will go a long way to keeping you out of trouble. I also do my best to keep plenty of fresh fruits and chopped veggies in the fridge so when I feel those urges I can quickly grab something healthy rather than succumbing to mindless grazing.

Snack attacks happen frequently and can be triggered by simple things like sudden smells, TV commercials, even reading a book or magazine can trigger you if you see a picture of food or read about a tantalizing treat.

Injecting ourselves with Novocain isn’t a realistic option when we’re assaulted by snack cravings. Snack attacks don’t have to be our undoing if we’re prepared. Plan ahead to avoid disaster and we can overcome these cravings and addictions.

The belly rules the mind. ~Spanish Proverb

22 Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. 23 For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. Luke 12:22-23 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord that you continually provide for my needs. I pray you will grant me self-control so I won’t give in to my urges to binge eat or eat things not on my program. Give me restraint and strength for each day. I pray you will continue to meet my needs and give me each day my daily bread. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I spent yesterday with a friend, whom we’ll call “Lisa” for arguments sake. Lisa has been on her own weight loss journey for several months and was near to a bingeing breakdown yesterday. It’s a good thing I happened along when I did, otherwise there’d be no telling how far she would have fallen off the weight watcher wagon.

Lisa’s weight gain has been slow, but rather substantial over the course of the last ten years. Since the birth of her first child she’s gained 120 pounds during that time. Because she’s still a relatively young woman, she’s got age on her side and she’s not been a yo-yo dieter like many of us (especially me, who is the Queen of that club). Now that she’s decided she’s ready to tackle her weight problem, if she’s diligent she should have great success.

Lisa has been doing really well the last few months, but her weight loss is going much slower than she’d like. (Isn’t that the way it is for most of us?) She’s been very faithful with her exercise program and belongs to an exclusive gym that’s addressing not only her weight issues, but some minor underlying health issues as well.

The problem is yesterday she was having a severe PMS attack and all she wanted was junk food. The program she’s been on is very restrictive and she’s had minimal carbs and zero bread for the last couple of months.

Yesterday all she could think about was French bread and chocolate – clearly not ideal menu items on any weight loss plan. The one thing Lisa had going for her was she came by my house and alerted me to her cravings, allowing me to shut her down before she could do any serious damage. She stayed for dinner and we had a huge meal with lean steak, fresh green beans, salad, corn on the cob and baked potatoes.

By the end of the meal, I felt like a prison warden, constantly asking her “are you sure you want to eat that?” Okay, I got really annoying in my tenaciousness to keep her legal and on program – but the end result was – she didn’t have a bingeing meltdown; at least while she was at my house. I can’t promise what happened once she went home.

When we find ourselves teetering on the brink of self-destruction, it’s important to have a good friend, family member, relative or accountability partner who can come to our immediate rescue. It you have no one you can rely on at home, make sure you keep a phone number handy of someone trustworthy you can call and bail you out in a moment’s notice. Always be prepared as we never know when there may be a meltdown lying in wait around the next corner.

If you slip and fall off the wagon, don’t just lay there and let it back up and mow you over two or three times. GET UP, dust yourself off and climb right back on the wagon – not tomorrow, not after the weekend or after vacation, but IMMEDIATELY! And remember, help needs only be a phone call away.

We’ll all get by with a little help from our friends!

Friendship isn’t a big thing - it’s a million little things. ~Author Unknown

17 A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I’m so thankful for the blessing of friends and grateful that I could be of help when a friend needed a lift. I pray when I’m the one struggling you’ll send me a friend to lift me up. I thank you for all of life’s blessings. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Today was one of those rare days where I did pretty much nothing. I spent the better part of my day test driving the Lazy-Boy, watching golf on TV; and even as I type those words I find myself thinking “Good Lord, I can’t believe I spent A WHOLE DAY watching golf!”

Because I have a tendency to think metaphorically about so many things, of course I started thinking about how similar golf and my diet have been lately. Today’s round of golf was fraught with very high highs and unbelievable lows by many a seasoned professional. Hmm … just like my diet!

Some days the eating/exercise thing can be rolling right along “right on par” and then I’ll find myself succumbing to an unexpected temptation that gets me off course. Before you know it, you’re several strokes over par and your game all of sudden is in the proverbial toilet. Hmmm, just like my diet.

After a binging meltdown, you start thinking “okay, time for a mulligan,” or a “do-over” and you tell yourself “from here on out, I’ll get things back on course.” If you’re lucky, you hit a few good shots, or you have a couple of really good diet days and you think “I’ve got a real chance at beating this.”

Before you know it, you hit the ball in the rough or a big giant bunker and there you are, ready to quit the game forever. You’re staring at the bottom of an empty box of Triscuits or staring down the face of triple bogey and you think “why bother?". Take it from someone who loves to play golf – a triple bogey is scoring suicide.

The winner of today’s tournament barely hung on through 18 holes. It was an exciting unbelievably close finish, with only a single stroke separating the winner and the rest. How many times do many of us on our diets get tripped up by one binge too many, or one little fall from grace with a single piece of cheesecake or a Taco Bell Grande? All it takes is one little slip on our program to get us so far off course, we feel as though we’ll never survive the game at all.

Professional golfers obviously don’t get “Mulligans” during tournament play – but diets are not like golf in the fact that at any point in your program you can start fresh. You can get a “do-over” at any point on your diet. If you slip up at one meal, correct yourself at the next meal.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. If you had a “bad round” today, get up tomorrow “tee it up” and “go for the green.” Don’t “fudge on your score” and stick to the plan, play your best game and don’t be intimated by how well or how bad the other players may be doing.

At the end of the day, if you know you did your best, didn’t cheat, recorded everything accuractely, you’re way ahead of the game and can be happy if you played par or better.

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something. ~Peter Jacobsen

10The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10:10 (The Amplified Bible)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for a wonderfully relaxing day. I thank you that I can enjoy simple pleasures like watching TV with the family you have blessed me with. I pray that you will help me to keep my diet on par and eat healthy, make time for exercise and do the very best I can each and every day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I had to go for an MRI this morning on my knee – at long last. Seven straight months of pain, discomfort and limited mobility; it was a relief to finally get an okay from the doctor and the insurance company to have the procedure.

Never having an MRI before, I must admit to a certain pre-procedural trepidation. Not exactly fear, mind you, just some general nervousness. I was a little worried that I’d be too heavy (okay, I’ll say it – fat) to fit in the machine. My fears were unfounded – I fit fine, not too fat, and nary a hint of judgment from the technician about my size. Whew, what a relief, and rather surprising that I needed a machine to validate me and reassure me that I wasn’t over the legal weight limit.

As I was lying there in the tube that to me looked like a high-tech time machine, it was easy to let my mind wander and relax during the painless procedure.

Through the miracle of music being piped through the over-sized headphones I was required to wear, I contemplated the fantasy of time travel. The 1980s music filling my head transported me to decades past and had me reordering my life. My memories zeroed in on 1975 – the year most likely to be my pick to travel back to.

That was the year I was at my ideal weight, right around the 120 pound mark. That was a good year. I didn’t like myself any more than I do today at that weight but I definitely had more self-confidence back then. Even though I knew I looked pretty good (let’s face it 35 years makes a big difference) I still was terribly unhappy with myself.

You’d think that I’d be smart enough to know that inner peace and contentment isn’t based on what the number on my bathroom scale reads. Surprisingly though, I’ve still convinced myself that if I only weighed 40 pounds less I’d be happier with myself.

Somehow the gamma rays – or whatever the heck radiates through the MRI machine taking pictures of the inside of my knee – must have zapped my brain, because I had an epiphany mid-MRI. Clearly even though I had self-confidence at 120 pounds but still didn’t like myself, then reaching my goal weight will not fix the issues regarding my self-worth. Well, duh! Boy, am I slow or what?

Obviously I’ve made great strides in the past 35 years and I’m more confident about myself as a wife, mother – woman, but I’m not completely there yet with regards to my self-worth. Yes, I’m so much better and I have many more good days than I have bad when it comes to self-esteem. I feel as though I’m closer to a breakthrough than I’ve ever been before, so God is definitely doing a work in me and I am learning to like the real me. I can’t seem to say the other “L” word yet, but I’m getting there.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it dozens of times … it’s not about the number. If I can only learn to love myself at this weight then the possibilities are endless. It really is sad that there are no time machines. Think of the advantages of being able to travel back through time and correcting all those things about yourself that it’s taken you a lifetime to learn. To go back and know then, what I know now. So many wasted decades. Yeah, I’m really, really a slow learner! I may not be where I want to be – but thank goodness I’m not where I used to be.

Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery. ~Matthew Arnold, “Self-Dependence,” Empedocles on Etna, and Other Poems, 1852

27 The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!” Luke 10:27-28 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for medical technology. I pray that I will not worry awaiting the results of my test. I put my hope and trust in you. Thank you for allowing me to grow and mature and thank you for the progress I’ve made with all my past issues. Continue to work on my behalf revealing your plan for me. Set my feet upon the path you wish me to take and grant me strength and courage for each new day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Some days it may feel as though you’re simply being pushed and pulled along with the normal ebb and flow of life’s tide. You bob along minding your own business riding the waves not wanting to rock the boat.

After all there are so many things in life that are beyond our control; the economy, the price of gas, the oil spill in the gulf, the rising and setting of the sun, rampant evil, taxes, pestilence, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. You get the idea. Sometimes everyday life is discouraging.

It’s enough to make you want to take your little boat and pull it in to a nice quiet cove and hide from the rest of the world. Oh, if only life were that simple.

Even many of things about our own personal lives are beyond our control; our DNA, our height, our race, our parents and family of origin, our age. Not much we can do on most of those issues. Many of us, myself included, have a tendency to complain about some of these things which are totally out of our control. Honestly, I don’t like that about myself and am working to stop the blame game.

For years growing up, I was certain I’d either been switched at birth or was adopted as I was so completely different from everyone in my household. I was certain I’d been the victim of some cruel twist of fate. As I’ve gotten older the similar DNA running through my body to that of my immediate family is irrefutable. I’m all theirs and they mine.

While it would be convenient to continue blaming my emotional issues and insecurities on my past, I’m learning to adjust my attitude. I must choose to walk in forgiveness and look to the future with optimism.

Regardless of my DNA, God did instill one characteristic in me and in all of us that we can capitalize on – our free will. Every day we can get up and CHOOSE to have a good attitude about life’s situations. We can CHOOSE to forgive those that have hurt us. We can CHOOSE to make healthy choices about our diet, our exercise – our bodies. We can CHOOSE to be positive or negative about everything that comes our way over the course of each and every day.

There may come a time when choice may be taken away from me because of age or illness. I pray that won’t be the case, but there are no guarantees in life – just another one of those things that are beyond our control.

While the choice remains mine – I CHOOSE to cast my cares on God. I CHOOSE to learn from my past and forgive. I CHOOSE to trust God for my future rather than worry. I CHOOSE joy for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Human life is purely a matter of deciding what’s important to you. ~Anonymous

19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! Deuteronomy 30:19 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you that you have given me the gift of free will and choice. I choose this day to serve you and to be thankful for all that you have blessed me with. Help me to choose a good attitude everyday rather than choosing to walk in despair or worry. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Sometimes I have to ask myself why I do the things I do – or more importantly, why I volunteer to do things I know will cost me dearly. And I’m not talking about monetary expense, but rather the price of emotional sacrifice.

My husband and I host a marriage group at our home twice a month and one of the girls in the group was celebrating a birthday this week. Somehow I volunteered to get a cake for her, but when I found out her favorite cake, it turned out it’s not a cake you can buy just anywhere. She loves yellow cake with chocolate icing; which coincidentally just happens to be my favorite cake. I debated for a few seconds and rather than buying something she wouldn’t like, I opted to bake a cake myself. Seriously, how sick am I?

Halfway through the mixing process as the flavor of golden butter and creamy cake batter wafted up tantalizing my sense of smell with the scintillating aroma of sin, I felt the first stirring of panic settle in. It may have been the cold sweat dotting my brow, my clammy palms or perhaps the way my hand shook as I scrapped the sides of the bowl with the rubber spatula, but the temptation became tangible.

My daughter came home just as I was preparing to pour the batter in the pan. She yelled on her way up the stairs to save her some cake batter. At 5’6” tall and 120 pounds, she’s not bothered by the pull of the temptation. Gosh, sometimes life is so unfair.

Once the cake was safely in the oven, a smattering of batter left in the bowl for the skinny girl upstairs, my intentions were to immediately eject the beaters from the mixer and plunge them into a sink of hot water. The first beater made it as far as my steely grip whereupon my fingers proceeded to swipe it clean. Luckily I came to my senses after my assault on the first beater and lobbed the second one into the sink like it was a live grenade before I could ravage it as I had the first one.

I busied myself with housework hoping to vacuum away the feelings of guilt but the smell of a baking butter cake made my task impossible. I turned on the TV and watched the movie Outbreak hoping the sight of oozing pustules, bleeding orifices and rampant plague would eliminate any all cake cravings. That worked for a while, but that cake wasn’t going to frost itself so I was far from out of the woods.

Mercifully time didn’t permit me the luxury of languishing over an open canister of creamy, whipped milk chocolate icing. I put my heart into the decorations, fashioning stylish swirls, sprinkling liberally with colorful sprinkles, topping it off with a festive candy confection birthday greeting, curlicues and balloons. A true masterpiece if ever there was one.

Throughout the evening I did my best to push the cake off on all the guests sharing my fears that it was my favorite cake – begging people to eat it, lest I be left alone with the remainder tomorrow. I sent large hunks of cake home with several. Bless them one and all.

Having refrained from indulging in a piece of cake all evening, thinking I was in the clear, I found myself alone in the kitchen as my husband bid our guests good-night. I have a theory about the giant hunks of cake and frosting that cling to the cake knife. It goes like this: If it’s not a whole piece of cake, the calories don’t count. So I ate it! Once my husband came in to help, the evidence of cake, frosting and sprinkles dotting my shirt, smudged on my chin and coating my fingers, I knew I was busted. Caught red-handed, branded a glutton, a horrible miserable failure. I felt light slinking away.

Rather than making me feel even worse, all he said was, “Man that was good cake, wasn’t it? Good job.” Whew, I’m a miserable failure but my husband still loves me – as does my Lord and Savior. Now if I can just forgive myself and move on – life will be good. I suffered a momentary lapse in judgment, but this situation could have been so much worse.

I’m pleased to report that the remaining small piece of cake has been wrapped in layers of aluminum foil and set aside for my son who’s coming home for Father’s Day later today. As for me, you can find me rummaging in the pantry for a suitable low-cal snack – perhaps a rice cake. Clearly not the same as birthday cake, but with enough imagination – an adequate substitute.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. ~Erma Bombeck

18 “Don’t you understand either?” he asked. “Can’t you see that the food you put into your body cannot defile you? 19 Food doesn’t go into your heart, but only passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer.” (By saying this, he declared that every kind of food is acceptable in God’s eyes.) Mark 7:18-19 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, Help me not to be overcome with guilt for my cake indiscretions yesterday. I know I could have done a lot more damage than I did. I was able to resist to a certain degree and I did not give in to a full fledge binge and for that I thank you. Even though I still wasn’t completely perfect, you don’t expect me to be perfect. You know my weaknesses and I know that you helped me to exercise self-control yesterday. I thank you Lord and I ask that you would continue to strengthen me each day. Give me this day my daily bread and help me to resist temptation. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I went on a bike ride this morning grateful my body was cooperating and I was able to get some much needed exercise. One minute I was thinking about how happy I was that my knee was feeling better and enjoying my ride and the next minute, I swear I don’t know how it happened – but my thoughts had completely wandered somewhere I didn’t want them.

I started thinking about how just a few months ago I was walking four and five miles a day, I could run a few laps at the track and do the stairs and today … I can barely get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. My activity level has been reduced down to practically nothing because of my knee injury and I was instantly depressed.

In fact, within a matter of seconds I started worrying about where my activity level would be a year from now and in the blink of an eye I could see myself wheelchair bound taking advantage of my Handicapped parking status. How did I get from happy to be enjoying my bike ride one minute to a cripple in a wheelchair in the space of a few seconds?

Once I realized I’d opened the door to the enemy and invited him to come in and wreak havoc on my thoughts I instantly slammed that door and started meditating on Scripture. I had to instantly start fixing my thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Philippians 4:8, and then I had to think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Once I’d changed my thought patterns, I started singing a praise song in what can only be described as making a joyful noise unto to the Lord scaring several birds to flight along the trail. But instantly I felt that wonderful peace of God settle upon me and was able to resume my morning ride with joy.

Once I let my thoughts turn to the positive I began praying in my spirit that God would bless my body with healing and miraculously restore my hip and knee. Instantly I began seeing myself as I hope to be this time next year: at my goal weight, walking and running at the track again, swimming in the pool without pain and buying clothes in “normal” sizes rather than the plus size section.

We can’t afford to let our minds wander aimlessly dwelling on whatever pops into our head. It’s so easy to let our thoughts lead us into depression and despair by thinking about negative things. We need to keep our minds sharp by filling our empty heads with positive images, reaffirming Scriptures, praise songs and hopeful dreams.

A great part of success on any weight loss program is to be able to envision ourselves as we hope to be once we’ve lost weight. In order to keep those positive images at the forefront, pull out an old picture of yourself of when you were at your desired weight and hang it on the fridge or your bathroom mirror.

Maybe you’ve got a pair of jeans you can’t wait to fit into again or a special dress. Hang it somewhere obvious so you’ll see it every day to remind you of where you’re hoping this journey takes you. Keep the positive images right there in your face so you won’t be tempted to dwell on the negative.

Only I control my thought life and it’s up to me to think about the good things like my eventual success.

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray to always keep a positive attitude and to think on what is pure and lovely. I pray when darkness tries to intrude in my thoughts I will replace the lies from the enemy with the light of your Word. Help me to see good versus evil and to maintain a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances around me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Do you ever wonder what happens to your thought processes, your body and your feelings between your waking and sleeping hours? Maybe it’s just me that wakes in the mornings to find that my body has staged a mutiny while I was unconscious and supposedly dreaming a peaceful sleep.

I’m not even entirely sure what happens during those sleeping hours but some mornings I wake up and can barely get out of bed and once I do – it’s the old lady shuffle to the bathroom while I wait for the rest of my body parts to receive the message that it’s time to wake up and go to work.

And it’s not just about my body rebelling and feeling old. I simply can’t understand my moods and emotions … and those blasted feelings that propel me to action and conviction one day and total despair the next. Lord, but managing these fickle feelings is downright exhausting some days.

There have been a couple of days recently when I lay my head down at night and berate myself for my lack of self-control when it comes to my eating. Before I close my eyes I swear on my life that tomorrow will be a better day and I will not be swayed to cheat in way shape or form.

I wake up the next morning with this deep down, all-consuming passion that nothing and no one will keep me from living a healthy life for the Lord. I write down every little morsel and weigh and measure every ounce of food. I pray, I seek God, I plead, I beg, I saturate my mind with Scripture and I think I CAN DO THIS!

And in the blink of an eye, pffftttt! I think why bother, I’m destined to failure and I will be fat forever! Seriously, what makes my emotions and my convictions so wishy-washy?

As I was spending my time in prayer this morning I was asking God to give me that “want to succeed attitude” even when my flesh rebels. I pray that God is looking down and He sees my heart and realizes that in my heart I want to succeed and I want to beat this food addiction – contrary to what my actions may say when I’m pigging out on Doritos. I want to be better, but some days my flesh trumps all my want to.

I can only hope and pray that for God my desperate “want to” attitude is enough to sustain me and He will honor my prayers and petitions. I want to succeed and I believe the Scriptures that tell me faith is enough and all I have to do is ask in Jesus name. Today I am asking in the name of Jesus that my want to attitude will be enough to succeed. I pray my feelings will mind their own business and stop getting in the way of my success.

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. ~Arthur Rubinstein

24 I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. Mark 11:24 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray that you see my heart and that you know that my desire is to serve you and to please you. I want to succeed at my weight loss program and I want to treat my body like the precious temple that it is. May I not give in to the desires of my selfish flesh or fickle feelings but operate on faith, mercy and God’s grace. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

The summer months bring with them the promise of vacation for many people. Not me, of course because I married for love rather than money, so vacations are rarely in our budget. (What was I thinking?)

Even though I don’t get to take to lavish vacations, my family does try to make inexpensive day trips around the city and state to give us that vacation getaway feel. Regardless of whether we have a real vacation getaway or just a day trip, both scenarios present opportunities to let our menu and exercise plans and programs slip into a vacation state of mind.

Veering from the plan doesn’t have to be detrimental to your overall health and waistline. There are ways to make a getaway both fun and healthy at the same time. Unless of course you’re married to a spouse who gives you the standard vacation warning: “While we’re on vacation I’m eating anything I want because I’m on vacation.” Sorry that’s all on you – you’ll have to be more creative than the rest of us.

I’m married to a man who shares many of my same travel interests so we’re lucky in the fact that we like to spend time exploring, hiking, golfing, walking and/or shopping. Slowing down and relaxing is oftentimes more challenging for us than relaxing. If we’re lucky enough to travel we want to do as much sightseeing as possible – so we’re great about squeezing in plenty of walking for exercise. (My husband must secretly have New York City blood flowing through his veins as he’s got only two speeds: hurry-up and asleep. Yeesh!)

The eating thing is where a lot of us tend to struggle with vacations. I’m not a risk-taker by nature in many regards – but especially when it comes to my food. It’s nigh too impossible to coax me into trying spicy, rich foods from other cultures and I don’t like my food swimming in buttery sauces or seriously fried foods. My old stomach simply can’t tolerate those things – but surprisingly there’s always other foods that still trip me up.

I’m a salad eater which most times may seem like a healthy option, but as many of us know, salads contain hidden fattening toppings or dressings – so don’t be afraid to ask your server exactly what’s in that chicken salad, taco salad or cobb salad. Hard-boiled eggs, cheese and croutons all add up to unnecessary calories and I love the cheese and croutons. I’ve got to be tenacious about asking the server to hold those goodies. Yes it would be easier to pick them off myself, but I’ve learned I can’t always be trusted to do that so I try to avoid those temptations.

Don’t be afraid to share entrees with someone else as this saves both money and calories. Avoid buttery, creamy, cheesy sauces and anything that’s fried or comes topped with bacon or double cheese. Skip all of the tempting before-dinner appetizers like the bread and butter or chips and salsa. Oh so many fattening extra calories we love to mindlessly eat and end up paying for later.

Of course it should be a no-brainer to skip the desserts and el Presidente Margarita’s, but an occasional (that’s the operative word here) treat won’t send you all the way back to “Start” with your weight loss plan. Vacations are special so it’s perfectly normal to want to indulge in moderation. Remember, vacations should be “know your limits” not “no limits.”

When I worked for a weight loss company many years ago, I’ll never forget the woman who’d worked for a solid year to lose 100 pounds. She was within seven pounds of her goal weight and booked a cruise. I’ve never been on one, but from what I hear cruises are famous for the 24/7 all-you-can-eat buffets. This woman even bragged to our group that she was going on vacation and she was going to have a good time and not worry about what she ate. Long story short – she didn’t worry about it and ended up gaining 20 pounds while on her cruise which was her slow slide back to regaining every single pound she’d worked so hard to lose.

A vacation shouldn’t mean giving yourself permission to binge, pig-out, go hog-wild and eat yourself stupid. Make your vacation more about the destination, the family, your spouse and your marriage, etc. Don’t undo all the hard work you’ve put into getting healthy just for a few moments of caloric pleasure.

That old saying still rings true: “A moment on the lips – forever on the hips!”

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. 3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. Psalm 139:2-3 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for opportunities to get away and relax. Help me not to relax my attitude about losing weight, exercise and getting healthy. Help me to be diligent at all times and make my health a priority. I ask that I would not bow down to the lusts of my flesh and give myself permission to take a vacation from losing weight. Give me the strength I need for each and every day and each and every situation I find myself in. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I had a great spiritual week with many revelations, great praise and worship and time spent with the Body of Christ. It was a great week of prayer, introspection and self-awareness. One of the things I pondered this week was in the grand scheme of life how important is this whole diet/weight loss journey that I’m on – really?

There’s no denying that weight loss has been my central-most focus for the better part of the last four decades. I’m not sure whether I should feel shame over that or simply utter disbelief that I’ve given something like my weight this much attention for so long.

As I was reading one of my daily devotionals today, I was reading an account of the Israelites exodus from Egypt. This massive group of people spent 40 years wandering in the desert on a trip that should realistically have taken 11 days. Because they spent so much time whining and complaining, God let them wander for 40 years around the same dang mountain until most of them were dead. It was only their descendants that made it to the Promised Land.

By comparison my own journey has taken me nearly as long as the Israelites exodus. I started wondering if perhaps it’s been my whining and complaining that has kept me from entering the Promise Land of good health and normal body weight.

In retrospect, a normal weight loss journey should only take a few months, maybe even a year – but four decades? That’s hard to swallow. (Hmm, maybe that’s the problem – I’ve swallowed all the wrong things!) While I’ve had a certain measure of success over those four decades – I’ve reached my goal weight and maintained it several times, but always wandered back into weight gain.

In a perfect world, one should lose the weight and hopefully maintain that weight loss for the rest of their lives. The sad reality is only about 5% of people successfully maintain their weight loss for more than five years. What are we missing? What am I missing?

The answer is obvious – as a whole we’re lazy and don’t like to work that hard at anything. Ok, so maybe that’s just me. I am lazy and I do whine and complain, because let’s face it – watching our weight sucks and is no fun at all!

What are my choices though? Continue wandering in the desert and circle the same mountain for the last 40 years of my life … or do the job right this time, lose the weight once and for all; get healthy and then stay healthy. How hard can that be?

Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health. ~Author Unknown

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that I have the mind of Christ. I believe it is your will for me to be healthy and take care of my body. Help me not give in to my sinful nature or obey the lusts of my flesh. I pray with all my heart that you will help me to stick to my eating and exercise program and help me to resist temptation. Give me strength for each day. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

The other day I was getting my hair done with my stylist who’s been doing my hair for 10 years. I trust this girl with my hair and I pretty much give her carte blanche when it comes to my cut and color. In fact I trust her stylist artistry skills so completely I’ve followed her to seven different salons in the last decade. That’s got to be some kind of record.

Imagine my surprise when during my appointment this week I found myself in the center of what can only be described as something straight out of a hidden camera show “cat fat” involving my trusted stylist and another stylist in the salon.

After the cops left and I’d given my statement to not one, but two extremely attractive police officers I discovered I’d been the cause of this very surreal altercation.

I should go on record as saying I’m as blind as a bat without my glasses. During my hair appointment I remove my glasses and zone out and ignore what’s going on around me for the simple fact that if I can’t see clearly I tend not to pay attention.

While I was minding my own business lost in my own little sightless world my stylist decided to try a new color product on my hair guaranteeing me shinier, healthier looking hair. Hey sign me up … I trust her. Unbeknownst to me the product turned my hair an interesting shade of green, which elicited comments from the stylist working next to me. The stylist, her client and a friend of theirs who was waiting for her to finish all started laughing at me telling each other I looked like a troll.

My stylist (who coincidentally is the owner of the salon) calmly walked over to the girls tapped one on the shoulder and nicely asked her to keep her comments to herself telling her it was unprofessional to talk about the clients in the salon.

From that point on, the events unfolded like an episode of The Jerry Springer Show stopping just short of the eye gouging and hair pulling. The police were called ending with the other stylist and her friend being escorted from the salon with all of their belongings by the armed police officers.

This relates to my personal growth and maturity in the fact that if this incident would have occurred 10 years ago, I probably would have come home and eaten my weight in Oreos followed by a secret rendezvous to McDonald’s for the biggest M&M McFlurry available.

The mere idea that a gaggle of girls were poking fun at me normally would reduce me to a sniveling pile of self-loathing. Factor in being interrogated by two attractive men while I was in the chair with green and black foil-wrapped hair sticking up at all angles, and looking my very worst with my whole ugly self exposed and dressed in an unflattering salon cape … well there’s enough reason there to hide in the house with a truckload of Oreos for the next several weeks!

But – I didn’t! I wasn’t even tempted to feel sorry for myself. I actually retold the story to several people with great laughter. Once I’d made sure my stylist was okay I asked her the most important question, “Is my hair going to be okay?” To which we all laughed at the whole situation because it felt so “high school” and utterly ridiculous. I still adore my stylist especially since she defended me.

Once I left the salon I prayed for these girls because the only reason people feel the need to ridicule and belittle others is because of their own insecurities. Being a recent graduate of that club I recognize insecurity others. Bless God that I’ve made great progress and I know who I am: I am the daughter of the Most High, the King of Kings and I don’t care if a couple of girls I don’t know want to poke fun at me because I know who I am. I am loved.

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them. ~Mahatma Gandhi

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that you’re allowing me to grow in maturity and self-respect. Help me to continue to grow in my walk on this journey and to grow more comfortable with myself each and every day regardless of the circumstances and situations going on around me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

There will be times on this journey when you wake up and think “I’m not making any progress so I may as well quit!” Of course, if you’re still able to get out of bed every day and worried about progress or the lack thereof, that should prove you’re at least still making an attempt at this weight loss thing, otherwise you wouldn’t care if you weren’t making progress.

I for one haven’t had much time to think about forward progress this week. I took my own advice and forced my way out of my own little safety zone and spent most of my week volunteering at church. For several days, I didn’t dwell on me and my issues; I didn’t fixate on my menu plan or my exercise program. I was totally committed to my service at church and it felt great not to be the center of my universe. That’s progress.

Some may see my total disregard for anything related to my weight loss plan as complete surrender. I didn’t revert back to my old way of eating; in fact, I monitored what I ate fairly well, all things considered. Even though my schedule was not my own, I still managed to make reasonably healthy eating choices. That’s progress.

While I didn’t have time for fast-paced workouts, I was running around and on my feet for hours at a time so I wasn’t sitting sedentary doing nothing. Some movement is better than being a couch potato. That’s progress.

At the end of each day, I was in the pool for 45 minutes squeezing in a little water aerobics workout so all in all, I felt pretty good about myself this week. That to me spells progress.

Any day that you can wake up and not hate yourself or the way you look – that my friend is most definitely progress.

Success isn’t just about losing weight. So what if I’m not at my “goal weight” yet. It’s when you go to bed at night and pray that God would mercifully take you in your sleep, that’s when you know you’ve made NO progress. (If you’re at that point, I recommend you seek help and quickly.)

This journey isn’t just about changing the way my body looks, it’s about being comfortable in my own skin regardless of how much I weigh. It’s about being productive and happy in whatever situations come my way; and it’s about getting up every day with the knowledge that I’m the best me I can be regardless of what size my jeans are today. Progress – yep, that’s what it looks like. It may not look like your progress, but this is what it looks like to me.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. ~Author Unknown

15 Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. 16 But we must hold on to the progress we have already made. Philippians 3:15-16 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you that I am learning how to be comfortable with myself. Thank you for helping me to see beyond me and my own needs and for opening doors of opportunity for me to give back to others. Even though my progress may not be outwardly apparent to others, I know I’m making progress because I am seeing things with a brand new vision thanks to your love for me. Help me continue to make progress and not measure my success to that of anyone else. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

If there is anything “good” to say about suffering it’s that God never wastes pain. God does not inflict pain on us, but he can allow situations into our lives for the purpose of growing us and maturing us. The Bible guarantees that we will all have trials and tribulations in this lifetime.

If there ever was an argument for believing the Bible to be absolutely true I can attest first hand to John 16:33 (NLT) which states: Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. Hey guess what? That scripture is absolutely true in my life! But the end of that Scripture says: “But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” And I can declare this to be true as well.

Some of the trials from my past are directly responsible for my food addiction which is why I’m currently in a recovery group to receive healing for these deep-seeded wounds. Not all trials or tribulations have been detrimental to my emotional well-being. Many of my trials have in fact been beneficial to my spiritual growth.

Some of the things I’ve suffered have brought me closer to the Lord thereby forcing me to rely totally on Christ for deliverance. Many of life’s trials have helped me to develop into the woman of God that I am today. Trials are great for building character – dang it (too bad there isn’t an easier way to do that).

As I’ve grown and matured in the Lord, I’ve gotten better at handling emotional trauma so many of my trials in the last decade while painful or difficult have actually been spiritual springboards for growth. Sadly the most severe emotional damage inflicted on many of us occurs during those early formative years from birth to puberty.

The devil cleverly plans his attacks on the minds of youth because children are emotionally immature, vulnerable and completely ill-equipped to deal with life’s heartaches and pain. No child should have to deal with their parents’ marital strife, divorce, alcoholism, molestation, abuse, neglect or a whole host of problems that many of us faced in our childhood.

It’s monumentally unfair for children to suffer as they do but what’s even sadder – so many of us in our 40s, 50s and older are still working on issues that began decades ago – me included.

There comes a point in everyone’s life though when we need to stop using the tragedies of our past and our dysfunctional childhood as a reason to remain in our pain and dysfunction.

There comes a point in every life when we must choose to move forward and stop letting our childhood abuse define who we are today. The past must be learned from but eventually laid to rest.

It’s important however, that once healing comes (and I believe with every fiber of my being, my absolute healing is near) in order to keep from slipping back in to old destructive patterns, I’ve got to make the most of my healing. My success and testimony needs to bless others around me and give them hope rather than me continuing to rehash past abuse and drawing attention to how bad my life was.

Some days you just have to wake up and say, “Enough already! It’s time to stop fretting over the past and look to the future.”

You’ve got to ask God, “Who can I help today that has it worse than I had it?” And then, you take action.

Bring the past only if you are going to build from it. ~Doménico Cieri Estrada

So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. Isaiah 30:18 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray that you will help me to use my trials as opportunities to minister to others in need. Bring people across my path whom I can have compassion on – people who I can bless with my testimony. May I cease to wallow in my own pain but use it as a springboard for opportunities to share the goodness of God. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

The heaviness of dealing with all of these old wounds and detoxifying my spirit has left me feeling emotionally retarded and spiritually exhausted. I want to stay in my jammies for one whole day, hide from the world behind closed drapes, watch Doris Day movies and pretend that I’m a normal healthy woman with nary a care in the world.

Denial is an easy pill to swallow when you’ve been choking it down as long as I have. Some days it’s hard to believe that someone that has so much emotional baggage stuffed in her backpack of life can still walk around with my head up every day. It makes me wonder how God could possibly love someone as messed up as I am.

The good news – He does – unconditionally, I might add.

The enemy loves to make us feel as though we’re worse off than everyone else and nobody could possibly have as many issues as we have. And of course, he loves to convince us that God couldn’t possibly love someone like us. When we start to feel like this and the temptation to pull away from family and friends and isolate ourselves tugs at us, we need to dig in our heels and do exactly opposite of what we “feel” like doing.

Emotional and spiritual exhaustion can have some dangerous consequences because we have a tendency to follow our feelings when we’re depleted. Most of us know those fickle feelings make us say and do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do because feelings usually aren’t rational.

There comes a point in any recovery program where you need to give yourself permission to take a time-out from the emotional probing and let your mind and spirit rest. Recharge your spirit by reading a good book or the Word of God. Go ahead and watch a good movie. Go to church or enjoy some praise and worship; maybe take a leisurely drive somewhere and simply relax.

The best advice for getting your mind off yourself and your problems is always to go and help someone else. There are always people out there who have it worse than we do.

Time-out or Help-out – both great alternatives to a “pig-out.”

Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

19 Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. 20 Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray for a time of recharging in my spirit and my heart. Help me to reach out to help someone else who may need an emotional lift. I’m tired of dwelling on my own problems and I pray you will give me a heart for others who are hurting so that I may be an encouragement to others who have it worse than I do. Give me compassion and discernment. I ask all these things in your name Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’m doing my best to wade through my personal inventory and attempting to deal with past issues – once and for all. As part of the recovery process for any type of addiction it’s important to come to grips with our past, the people we’ve hurt and the people that have hurt us. This inventory requires us to uncover old hurts and sins that we’ve worked so hard to keep buried.

The skeletons in our closet continue to have power over us as long as we keep them in the dark. Once we’re able to shine the light of Christ upon them, they lose their power over us and we can begin to walk in freedom from these painful memories.

This personal inventory is like an emotional detox. We need to flush out all of the toxic attitudes and poisonous memories that continue to pollute our emotional and spiritual well-being. These hidden toxins suck the life out of us like an emotional cancer, slowly seeping into every area of our life if we don’t deal with them.

God already knows all of our secrets, yet for whatever reason, many of us remain in denial or are victims of selective amnesia, completely blocking out the grisly details of abuse or the details of our silent suffering.

I’m guilty on both counts; denial and selective amnesia.

Some may ask “what’s the point of reopening old wounds? Why can’t I just let it go and forget my past?”

I can’t speak for everyone, but only for myself. My old wounds still fester deep inside me triggering my uncontrollable urges to binge eat. The effects of my childhood – neglect, abandonment issues, alcoholism, rejection, isolation, etc. etc. etc. all continue to poison me.

Nearly every day God is gently reminding me of something I’d chosen to forget in my past. Luckily not all memories are life changing or traumatic, but most of the memories come complete with a healthy dose of pain or shame.

If there were an EASY way to detox our emotions I’d be first in line regardless of the procedure. How lovely it would be if we could detox our souls and hearts in the same fashion as we detox our colons for a colonoscopy. I would gladly drink a gallon of nasty chalk to induce spewing from my orifice’s if it would ensure I’d be empty of all the harmful memories once and for all.

My siblings and I often joke about our childhood years. My brother only remembers the good things about our household; I only remember the bad things and my sister - remembers nothing about our childhood. Somewhere between the three of us the seeds of truth are buried.

The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory. ~Author Unknown

2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. 3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. Isaiah 61:2-3 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I ask that you would prepare my mind and my heart to deal with old wounds and memories. Help me to remember what I need to remember, repent if necessary, forgive if that’s called for and then lay the old hurts to rest once and for all. I pray that once I shine the line of Christ upon my past you will cast the painful memories into the sea of forgetfulness and help me never to resurrect them again, so I will remember them no more and they will lose their power to control me. I pray the love of God will cover me and shield me from unnecessary pain and I humbly ask that you would stand beside me with love and support as I walk this difficult road. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I like food! I like to eat! Food is good!

We hear people confess these simple statements daily. I say this daily! There’s nothing wrong with liking to eat and of course food is good and meant to be enjoyed. What would be the point in eating if food didn’t taste good? We ALL like to eat great foods.

The problem for me and others like me is when food becomes a substitute for friendship, comfort, grief, depression and a host of other emotions. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a good meal but when we eat in secret and feel it necessary to hide our food stashes or the evidence of our binges (such as empty boxes and wrappers) then we’ve crossed over into destructive behaviors.

When our relationship with food becomes a love/hate struggle and we feel powerless over the control food has on us, we’ve got a problem. When we turn to food in times of stress and anxiety thinking to feed our emotions rather than dealing with our issues, then we’ve got a big problem.

When I stopped living in denial about my food addiction I turned to a support group that operates on a 12-step recovery program which Overeaters Anonymous is based. As I work the “steps” of the program, once I got past my denial, the first three steps were somewhat easy for me. I know I’m powerless over food; I believe that God can restore me to sanity; and I’ve made the decision to turn my will and my life over to God.

For some unknown reason I can’t seem to move beyond step four which requires that I make a fearless and searching moral inventory of myself. As God has slowly been opening my Pandora’s Box and pulling out childhood fears, insecurities and reopening old wounds, I find myself “stuck” not wanting to uncover anything else.

My intense vulnerability of opening myself up for closer inspection leaves me feeling rather nauseous and paralyzed by fear. The reality is that God already knows everything about me and my past so I’m not hiding anything from Him. He knew everything about me when he formed me in my mother’s womb. He knew ahead of time all of the struggles I would face in life and all of the sins I would commit, yet he still chose to die for me and chose to call me his own.

Logic tells me that since God already knows everything about me and since I’ve confessed everything to him at this point in my life, what am I so afraid of with regards to making my inventory? The answer is simple: I’m still carrying around shame and guilt for the things I’ve done. Although I’ve confessed my sins and repented of them, I’ve refused to accept God’s forgiveness.

Shame on me! I don’t have to live in my shame and cower under it. God has set me free from my shame. He’s given me the gift of forgiveness but by continuing to wear my shame and cower under it I’ve rejected God’s free gift to me. Again I say, shame on me!

This isn’t rocket science and should be a simple concept to grasp, but I know for a fact that I’m not alone wallowing in my guilt and shame. When will we learn not to trust our feelings? Because I don’t “feel” forgiven I continue to live with my shame as do countless others.

Forgiveness IS NOT A FEELING!

To “let go and let God” sounds simple in theory, but clearly not as easy as one would imagine. If it truly were that simple, God’s children wouldn’t continue to live in bondage – but many of us still do. So how simple is it to let go and let God? It’s this simple:

9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:9 (NLT)

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now. ~Author Unknown

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I confess that I have sinned and I ask your forgiveness for sins past and present. As you shower me with your love, mercy and FORGIVENESS, I humbly ask that I could know in my heart that I am forgiven because your Word tells me it is so. Even though I may not feel forgiven help me not to rely on my feelings. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

As a young girl in grade school, I remember how fun it was to celebrate spirit week at school. Depending on the theme for the week it was a great excuse for dressing in weird, silly or funny costumes. Except for the occasional costume party at Halloween, being a “grown-up” offers so few excuses for us to dress up and pretend we’re someone else.

Lord knows battling a continuing food addiction/weight problem gives me ample reasons to want to disguise myself as something other than what I am – fat and old. No, wait – I don’t mean that. It’s just those blasted hormones doing my talking for me again. I’m not old, I’m youth challenged and I’m not fat, but rather under tall and voluptuous.

If grown-ups were allowed an occasional “spirit week” I confess I’d vote for the “inside-out” day. I’m not just talking about turning my clothes inside out, mind you, which by the way I would NEVER do because I wouldn’t want to expose my labels with the sizes printed on them. No, if it were possible I’d love one whole day where we could literally turn our whole bodies inside out and not have to worry about what we look like on the outside – but rather focus on the inside.

Truthfully though, I probably wouldn’t be too thrilled to see internal organs, muscles or veins and what not. But it would be interesting to be able to see the kindness, compassion and love people carry around on the inside. By the same token, I suppose that would mean if you had a particularly ugly heart and foul mind with no sense of right and wrong you wouldn’t be able to hide that.

The movie Shallow Hal is probably one of the most creative films to come out of Hollywood in the last 10 years. Self-help guru, Tony Robbins slaps Jack Black’s character, Hal, on the head and commands the demon to come out of him because Hal is so shallow he won’t talk to women who aren’t attractive.

After his Tony Robbins encounter, Hal can only see people for what they represent and not what they look like on the outside. He dates a woman who is very obese but he sees her as thin and beautiful because he knows the real her inside, not what the world sees outside.

Wouldn’t that be lovely if we all could see people for what they truly are on the inside?

Truthfully, we CAN see people for what they really are if we look hard enough. Outer beauty is fleeting, but true inner beauty radiates out from the heart and changes a person’s exterior. In order to radiate our inner beauty we must first believe. I may not like the way my face looks, but I believe I have a kind heart.

It’s a hard thing to look in the mirror and not see what we despise about ourselves. I’m working on looking in the mirror and learning to look past my face and my body. (OMG that’s harder than you would think.) I haven’t conquered my insecurities yet, but the only way I’ll ever be free from this debilitating self-hatred is to see the beauty God has placed in my heart.

God didn’t create the world overnight and clearly my emotional issues will not be cured instantly. I’m forever a work in progress and trusting God to give me the grace I need one day at a time.

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. Psalm 45:11 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord help me not to judge others by their physical appearance and grant me the same grace for myself. May I see my inner beauty and may I have such confidence that I have a beautiful heart that the beauty of my Lord Jesus will shine forth and change my appearance making me a reflection of God’s beauty. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Being part of a weight loss support group is so rewarding and inspirational. My gal pals are great for listening, sharing, observing and above all – they’re always willing to pray for me and the rest of the group. I would be lost without them.

One of the benefits of group support is we girls continually exchange ideas, resources and tips that will insure success for long-lasting weight loss and emotional healing.

Recently one of the ladies shared a tip about a product she’d found for helping with her varicose veins. I don’t struggle with that particular issue but what I didn’t get in the varicose vein department, I more than made up for with the amount of cellulite I have. I told her if she knew of anything for eliminating my ample supply of fat cells – let me know – IMMEDIATELY!

As luck would have it, she didn’t know of anything, but another lady who joined us this week did have a tip for us. She’d seen something on the Dr. Oz show about mixing up a concoction with coffee grounds, brown sugar and vinegar that was supposed to work wonders as a cellulite exfoliate.

I’m ashamed to admit that if someone told me they had a surefire recipe for eliminating cellulite but it was made of eye of newt, crushed bat wings, garlic paste and lizard eggs – I’d slather it on my hips, thighs and knees in a New York minute.

Sometimes I think I could tolerate my weight exactly as it is, if I didn’t have such horrible cellulite. I know it should make me feel better that 90% of all women have some cellulite in varying degrees – but it really doesn’t. And I suppose it should make me feel better when I see skinny teenagers with cellulite puckering the backs of their impossibly thin thighs – but it also does not.

I volunteered to be the cellulite coffee/brown sugar/vinegar guinea pig for the group. The problem is if this concoction actually works, my cellulite covers such a large part of my anatomy I’ll probably have to buy the industrial sized ingredients at Costco.

Even as I contemplate this “miracle salve” for eliminating cellulite I’m feeling that spiritual conviction and that little voice of reason arguing with me, “Seriously – you’re going to waste more money on more stuff that probably won’t work? Why can’t you love yourself the way you are?”

My standard answer is always: “But what IF it DOES work this time?”

Of course I know now that the voice of reason is the Holy Spirit trying to impart wisdom to me; reminding me to use good old fashioned common sense rather than chasing after empty promises and pipe dreams.

In my desperation to lose weight, shrink my belly fat; eliminate my cellulite, etc. etc. etc. I’ve spent thousands of dollars, wasted precious time and energy and cast my hope on and in things rather than relying on my Heavenly Father.

My HOPE is YOU, Lord Jesus. I surrender ALL to you – and I’m going to learn to love myself, lumps and all.

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. ~Author Unknown

4 Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. 5 Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Psalm 25:4-5 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I put my hope and trust in you alone. I pray you will continually guide me and give me the wisdom I need to overcome temptations. I pray for a healthy dose of common sense so I won’t give in to the desire to spend money foolishly on weight loss gimmicks. Give me strength for each day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It’s amazing how you can be trucking along with God minding your own business and then SUDDENLY God decides it’s time to peel back another layer of your stinky dysfunctional past so he can get to your marshmallow center.

Actually it feels more like I’m a giant lump of granite or marble and God’s decided to chip away at me with the hopes of turning me into something altogether different. I’m not expecting a Michelangelo when He’s done, mind you; I’m just ready for the change – I think I am, anyway.

I’ve been praying for some time that God would do exactly what he’s starting to do in my life. I’m so sick and tired of me and my weight issues that I’m ready to be done with all this inward focus. I know it’s not all about me and quite frankly, I’m sick of me. A sad truth that I’m ashamed to admit is these weight issues haven’t been my focus for a mere few months or even a few years. No – I’ve fixated on these issues for DECADES. In all honesty, it’s exhausting on so many levels to live with the knowledge that you despise everything about yourself and always have.

God’s been prying open my Pandora’s Box the last couple of weeks and I’m rummaging around dirtying my hands in all these painful childhood memories. It’s scary and a bit overwhelming at times. I’m feeling myself on the edge of precipice not sure if I want to dive in or jump over it like some sort of spiritual Evil Knievel.

It’s time to get this junk out of my life – out of head – out of my heart and move on to the next chapter of life. So clearly I’m diving in and hope I don’t do an Evil Knievel crash and burn.

God’s decided He wants to help me get to the bottom of why I suffer from such self-loathing and self-hatred, yet another of the major emotional issues I’ve been in denial about.

I know I may appear all put together and self-confident on the outside but that’s a carefully crafted disguise that I have to work hard at maintaining. Underneath I’m this quivering mass of insecurity who feels the need to vomit each time I see my reflection in a mirror. I’m afraid of my own shadow and terrified to simply be myself; because after all, I don’t like myself. My innermost desire is to be somebody else – somebody that people will like.

Honestly (and this is painful to admit) I look in the mirror and see this ugly toad staring back at me. Some days I can fix it up and make it look nice, but the toad image haunts me and goes with me everywhere. Believe me when I say I’m not confessing this for the purpose of receiving compliments from others that think I’m perfectly normal looking. You don’t need to send me emails and try to convince me otherwise - that’s not what I’m seeking and it seriously wouldn’t help but probably make me feel even worse about myself - if that’s even possible.

This is a lifelong ongoing issue I’m powerless to control. I’m not sure what the root cause is but clearly somewhere in my past someone must have given me reason to believe I’m an ugly, ugly person. Oviously there was someone who’s words impacted me and I can’t get past this. Sadly there were several people who voiced their opinions about my looks over the years and even though all but one of them is no longer in my life, I can’t move past this.

Surprisingly even when I was at my perfect weight (that occurred for a two day period in 1984) I was still extremely unhappy with the way I looked. As much as I think it’s all about my weight, it really isn’t – I still see the toad whatever I weigh.

My wonderful husband reminds me daily that to him I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever known. He’s known me 60 pounds lighter and now at the heaviest I’ve ever been, yet his opinion has never wavered. (Gotta love a man who thinks this way!)

While I’m no stranger to compliments, they make me decidedly uncomfortable. I’m convinced anyone who sees me as anything other than the toad-like reflection I see must have very poor eyesight. Or perhaps the meter by which they compare images is drastically skewed.

Clearly these issues run deep and will require the peeling back of additional layers of my dysfunction or even serious counseling. In the meantime, each day requires me to get up, look in the mirror and give myself a pep talk. You know the one – “God made me in His image and He thinks I’m fabulous. My husband adores me and thinks I’m a DDG (drop dead gorgeous) woman. My children love me and think I’m a great mom.” And, “toad or not, this is as good as it gets so get up and make the most of each day and be the best looking toad you can be.”

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye. ~Grey Livingston

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalm 139:12-14 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I know that the image I see reflected back at me is distorted by lies from the enemy. I pray that you would help me to look at myself and see myself the way you see me. Help me to redefine what beauty means to me and to know that you don’t judge us by our outward appearance, but by our hearts. I ask all these things in your hold name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

There are going to be days during this weight loss journey when our emotions and feelings defy all “normal” human logic and we feel and act persnickety and discombobulated. Which are just fancy words for saying I feel crabby, cranky and confused today. The culprit; upon further inspection of my calendar, I see it’s nothing more than those nasty hormones, as usual, right on schedule.

Our mothers lovingly referred to this as that special time of the month and a wonderful journey into womanhood on a road that all women must travel. However in the harsh reality of daylight these hormones are just a license to make us all act like crazy Aunt Bertha whose ticket is only one punch away from a seaside room at the funny farm.

Upon waking this morning my bloat was so acute I didn’t need a bathroom scale to tell me I’m clearly over the legal limit for hauling poorly distributed fat cells. Who needs a bathroom scale to confirm your lack of progress when your favorite pair of pants will do? You know, those capris that fit perfectly last week that all of a sudden require the assistance of the squat, bend, tug and pull method to simply zip and button today.

My natural inclination is to hole up in the house with the drapes shut like a nocturnal rodent and hibernate for the next two or three days. Unfortunately certain commitments make a foray out into the general public a necessity. Necessity and hormones, the mothers of invention … require a certain creativity since normal thought processes and sound reasoning are on hiatus for the next few days.

For times like these, I recommend large blousy shirts and baggy linen pants to cover and camouflage. Next, make sure you keep all sharp knives and scissors out of reach as well as blunt objects as those are just ingredients for a recipe for disaster.

Speak only when spoken to and keep answers short and to the point rather than resorting to the aforementioned sharp knives and blunt objects. And never, never follow too closely to the idiot (excuse me, I mean innocent motorist) ahead of you.

Above all, in order to make it a “fair” fight give your husband and/or children ample time to make a quick getaway when they innocently ask you, “Is that piece of fudge on your diet plan?”

Most importantly, remember to keep your sense of humor locked and loaded for the hormonal duration as it most likely will restore you to sanity in three to five days time.

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. ~Author Unknown

20 Then Jesus turned to his disciples and said, “God blesses you who are poor, for the Kingdom of God is yours. 21 God blesses you who are hungry now, for you will be satisfied. God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh. 22 What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. Luke 6:20-22 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that laughter is good like a medicine. May my sense of humor and imagination buoy me during emotionally hormonal days. I thank you for life’s many blessings. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

When we’re watching our calories temptation comes at us from every conceivable angle. Some of the temptations are downright unfair. It’s easy to understand temptations like the free sample stations at Costco or Sam’s Club. (My advice is eat a healthy meal before you shop at either of those locations for the simple fact that you can pork down a lot of “free” calories without even trying.)

Today I was at the dollar store and they were giving out free samples of chocolate bars. First of all, THE DOLLAR STORE – seriously, give me a break. Nothing in the store costs over a dollar so why do they need to give things away for free? And secondly, CHOCOLATE! Not just any chocolate, mind you, but Tobblerone chocolate, which should be in a category of deliciousness all by itself. It’s quite simply melt in your mouth, OMG delicious.

Because this particular candy bar comes in easy to slice triangles, the chocolate was displayed on a plate with toothpicks stuck in the bite-size treats. Managing to limit my free sample to a mere single helping was a feat in and of itself. Somehow I controlled my animal instincts that had me frothing at the mouth waiting for the opportunity to pounce, swoop in for the kill and single-handedly clean the plate in a movement that defies the speed of light.

I felt like I should be given a medal for limiting my free sample to only one measly bite-size triangle. As I was waiting my turn in line to pay, gloating at my remarkable self-control I couldn’t help noticing the people who either ignored the samples altogether (skinny old ladies with oxygen tanks) and the people who helped themselves to more than one free sample. Many of those customers looked like they rarely said “no” to second helpings.

It was quite an eye-opening independent market research study I conducted. Suffice it to say, the differences between those that passed and those that over-indulged was startling. Perhaps those that indulged did so because it was chocolate and that’s hard to ignore in any situation. Or quite possibly the mere idea of the notion “free” was the bigger draw. “Free” by the very nature of the word makes us feel as though we’re cheating the powers that be by getting something for nothing.

When it comes right down to it, if it’s free it’s for me way of thinking can lead to much bigger problems. Mainly because free food is rarely calorie free and all of those bite-size samples added together can equal a whole lot of unscheduled calories.

When counting calories, it’s best to shy away from the sample ladies and eat a balanced meal – one that you can weigh or measure and accurately record your calories for. What may be free today could end up costing you more than you want to pay in the future.

Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. ~Sandra Boynton

13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:13-16 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, thank you for the restraint and self-control you’ve bestowed on me. I know it’s only through your mercy and grace that I enjoy any success at all. Continue to refine me, mold me and make me into the best person that I can be – free from judging others and always striving to be a better example of you. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’m not sure how it happened, but I blinked and suddenly it’s June! Five full months have come and gone since my New Year’s resolution began. I’m not feeling I’ve mastered anything at this point. Some days it seems as though I’m barely hanging on. Some days are definitely better than others.

I’m down about ten pounds since I started based on what I weighed a month ago. Since God’s been giving me these messages about learning to love myself at ANY weight, weighing more than once a month is pointless. I have a good friend that keeps reminding me it’s not about the numbers. She’s so right.

In 2 Samuel 24 David conducted a census to count the number of his people and God’s anger burned against David. This always bothered me. My friend pointed out that perhaps David was too concerned about the actual number and God didn’t want David to fixate on that. I’m no theologian, but there must be a reason that God didn’t want David to record the number.

God’s clearly impressing upon me not to fixate on my number. I’m following my program and recording my calories and tracking my exercise. Five months have come and gone and the best news is – I’m still doing the work. I’ve not quit yet!

Part of the reason so many “diets” fail is because the average person sets their sights on reaching a particular number by a certain date. If they fail to reach their goal by the set time, they have a tendency to quit altogether.

For me success means I need to ditch the dates and throw out the numbers. If by year’s end I’m still hanging in there and eating healthy and exercising, what I weigh shouldn’t be as important as the fact that I’m still working the program. Success looks different to everyone. For now, this is my success.

The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success. ~Author Unknown

10 But after he had taken the census, David’s conscience began to bother him. And he said to the LORD, “I have sinned greatly by taking this census. Please forgive my guilt, LORD, for doing this foolish thing.” 2 Samuel 24:10 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for continuing this journey with me. I pray you will help me to love myself a little more each day. May I focus on the good things and try to change the things I’m unhappy with. Help me to find joy in the simple things. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.