Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

Not wanting to risk life and limb with a hormonally-challenged, anxiety-ridden crazy woman, my husband suggested a road trip for the day and a respite from the desert heat. What a brilliant man I’m married to. You’ve gotta love a guy who understands a woman’s need for an occasional change of scenery and a passion for summertime thunderstorms.

Chancing a two-hour car ride with said crazy woman, my family decided to head up the hill to Flagstaff, a mere two hour trek out of the heat to the cool pines, afternoon thunder boomers, a visit with my son who is enrolled in summer school and oh yeah, the start of the Arizona Cardinals training camp. (I should have suspected an ulterior motive, but hey whatever gets me my change of scenery and a visit with my son and I’m cool with it.)

With my current financial anxiety barely contained, the combination of hormones, anxiety and a road trip with several hyperactive people (not me of course as I’m so the opposite of hyper anything) and all I could think about for two hours was road trip equals junk food. Isn’t one of the pre-trip requirements for any road trip to stock up on any and all suitable road trip staples, like licorice, Doritos, gummi bears and bite-size chocolate?

Seeing as how I’m doing so well on my program and I’m continuing to lose weight, I can hardly justify a full day off with the promise of unlimited junk food and of course the requisite stop for lunch at some sort of greasy classic burger joint along Route 66 (where we’re guaranteed to get not just our kicks but a good case of heartburn). But in all honesty, can a road trip be successful with Nurtri-grain bars, rice cakes and a can of chocolate Slim-Fast? I think not. You’ve got to admit that’s a bit of a stretch.

The day progressed nicely and the promised thunderstorms/rain clouds followed us all the way up the hill shrouding us in a mystical fog for a good portion of the trip. No road trip would be complete without a mandatory stop at a few tourists’ shops along the way for rocks for my grandson, jewelry for my daughter and of course – homemade fudge for the hubby. My treat was the beautiful red rocks of Sedona so I required nothing material to appease me as God and Mother Nature filled my cup full to overflowing with the breathtaking scenery.

I believe this day should go down in some sort of road trip hall of fame in the fact that not only did we skip the greasy diners opting instead for a healthy restaurant, but I resisted all fudge, chocolate and unhealthy snacks for 98% of the day. I did give in to dark chocolate peanut M&Ms on the ride home (but I made sure to share the small bag). In my defense I opted for the dark chocolate which are scientifically proven to fight heart disease and the peanuts were chocked full of fiber so I’m taking care of my digestive system.

The M&Ms were off-set by the fact that I did a substantial amount of walking at 7,000 feet of altitude, so my lungs and heart were working overtime in that thin air. See – even on a road trip, I’m not only always thinking, but doing my part to maintain healthy habits. Today was a very good day!

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. Psalm 139:3 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, how I give you praise and honor for creating such a magnificent place as Sedona. Your handiwork is unequaled anywhere else as your beauty abounds reminding us of what a masterful artist you are! Thank you for a glorious day spent with family in beautiful surroundings. I thank you for helping me to enjoy the day without letting my addiction for food crowd in and stealing my joy. In your name, Lord Jesus I give thanks! Amen.

I wish I could report that my chocolate craving died a quick and painless death, but unfortunately it decided to hang around for another day. The craving at least granted me a short reprieve and didn’t kick in with both barrels until after breakfast.

Clearly the Cocoa Puffs aren’t going to sufficiently meet my craving today and it became apparent that I may actually have to resort to the hard stuff today, like M&Ms. To add insult to injury I just got some financial news I wasn’t expecting on top of an already stretched to the max budget due to a major financial car repair this week. I’m not going to lie to you – I’m ready to eat my weight in anything covered in chocolate.

Logically I know that eating chocolate will in no way make these financial obligations disappear, nor will eating chocolate or any variety of sugar thereof make the obligations any easier to deal with, but my natural inclination is to want to bury my problems with sugar, most specifically – chocolate.

So far today, I’ve very nearly resisted any and all urges because even though my emotions may want to be fed, my flesh really doesn’t. My head isn’t exactly on board with the idea of ingesting massive amounts chocolate either – so two out of three and there’s a chance I might actually survive this crisis without the aid of chocolate (although pharmaceuticals may be another story. No just kidding! But maybe … no, seriously!)

All praise and glory must go to God and all the lessons I’ve been learning through my eating addiction group. I KNOW chocolate won’t help and I’m not inclined to undo all of the hard work that I’ve put into my program at this point. Rather than succumb to my craving for chocolate I spent some time in prayer and had a long drive downtown and back. If an afternoon drive in crazy downtown/freeway traffic doesn’t cure you of wanting to eat then there is no help, as I felt more like throwing up by the time I arrived at my destination.

But still these feelings inside of me are creating that familiar beehive buzzing that stimulates my emotions and they need an outlet and for once I really don’t want it to be food! Hallelujah! Unfortunately because of my knee injury and upcoming surgery, exercise isn’t a viable option, and clearly I have no funds for obsessive compulsive shopping. I’m left with no outlet, so it looks like I’ll have to resort to Diet Coke and either video games or chick flick movies.

Any way I slice it, I’m simply grateful that food is no longer my automatic response. A food addict can’t argue with that kind of progress. Something is clearly working.

You can’t run away from trouble. There ain’t no place that far. ~Uncle Remus

But by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity. Job 36:15

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe you will help with all these unexpected problems and they will be resolved in a reasonable manner. I ask for strength and an extra portion of faith and grace to deal with everything as it happens without resorting to food when I feel defeated or anxious. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It’s happened again. Somewhere between my waking and my sleeping there must have been some sort of shift to the Earth’s axis; Mars and Jupiter are out of synch; the hole in the ozone stretched a little wider or there was an earthquake in eastern China upsetting the space/time continuum … I don’t know and I don’t particularly care.

All I know is I woke up this morning needing chocolate. Even before my feet hit the floor my brain was set to overdrive mentally inventorying my pantry, fridge and freezer desperate for the knowledge that somewhere within the confines of my house lay sustenance to appease my massive craving.

I’ve done a fairly thorough housecleaning with regards to stripping the shelves bare of any and all junk food contraband. Trying to locate anything even remotely chocolate in my house these days is much tougher than it used to be. Luckily for me, I happen to reside with a bunch of cereal killers capable of laying waste to an entire jumbo box of sugary cereal in one fell swoop, so it behooves me to have a secret stash of chocolatey crunchy cereal for just such an emergency. (Remembering where I hid my booty often tends to be a bigger problem as this old girl memory of mine ain’t what she used to be.)

After a series of failures, I finally managed to uncover a treasure trove of chocolately goodness under stacks of cake plates and Corningware bake ware – a place no one ever thinks to look, especially me since I rarely bake during the hot summer months.

My box of Cocoa Puffs presents a real challenge for me as I’m struggling with lactose intolerance. For me to succumb to the seduction of the chocolately puffs puts me in that category of being completely “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” because by choosing to eat them I’m subjecting myself to the discomfort that goes with consuming milk.

My love for Cocoa Puffs is actually twofold in the fact that the crunchy breakfast cereal not only satisfies my need for instant chocolate gratification, but the Cocoa Puffs turn the milk chocolatey so I have an extra taste treat once I’ve consumed the cereal.

A week ago I publically bragged that there was no food worth the pain that fills my stomach if I know I’m going to have a reaction to said foods. I stand corrected when it comes to chocolate. It’s a proven scientific fact that the human body (especially the FEMALE human body) must ingest chocolate periodically to maintain normal and healthy brain waves keeping our hormones and sanity triggers perfectly balanced thereby protecting the masses from our psychotic hormonal rage. (I don’t know, it might be true. But whether it’s true for all women or not doesn’t matter, as it’s true for ME!)

There have been reports published recently that consuming small quantities of dark chocolate is in fact good for our hearts. Because it was printed on the internet it MUST true so I’m doing my part to maintain optimal health by eating a measured amount of chocolate monthly. Now I know the reports suggest dark chocolate is preferred over milk chocolate and I’m certain Cocoa Puffs must fall within the parameters of that study because of the color of the puffs, so I’m sure I’m doing my body a service by eating my chocolatey cereal once a month. And I’m definitely getting better because I’m now able to limit miyself to one measured serving without consuming even one puff more than absolutely necessary.

Hey never let it be said that I’m not a health-conscious individual. Me and my Cocoa Puffs - I’m just doing my part for science.

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. ~Author Unknown

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly. ~Author Unknown

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. ~Jason Love

16 Do you like honey? Don’t eat too much, or it will make you sick! Proverbs 25:16 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the invention of all things chocolate. Thank you Lord that I can practice restraint; thank you for healing me in the fact that I can control my flesh and not bow down to my fleshly urges and eat chocolate with limitations. Thank you Lord for working on my behalf; please continue to give me strength. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Back in January when I started my weight loss journey I’m convinced I didn’t go into it with my eyes wide open. I thought I’d hop right back on the weight watcher wagon and reach my goal weight by the time spring rolled around.

Spring rolled into summer and now summer is at its pinnacle with fall not too far around the corner and I’m still a long way from being at my goal weight. I may not be where I thought I’d be at this point, but in some ways I’ve far surpassed my expectations.

While I expected I’d lose weight, I never expected to become mentally strong enough to deal with what was at the core of my eating issues. That saying, “it’s not what you’re eating, but what’s eating you” now has a brand new meaning.

After decades of being in denial about my food addictions, I’ve finally uncovered what was eating me. For so long I’d convinced myself that I didn’t have an eating disorder but merely enjoyed eating food – lots of food and a great variety of foods. Everybody likes to eat. What’s wrong with that?

The fact that I was eating in secret, hiding the remains of my binges, spending hours exercising to counteract the foods I ate and then lying about the quantity of foods consumed, never struck me as addictive behavior.

When I joined a food addiction group back in February I continued in my denial that I had a problem, even questioning my need for the group altogether. Now here it is months later and I’m finally on the road to recovery, having dealt with the problems that haunted me since childhood.

I can say with all confidence that surrendering to God and facing my problems with His help has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders and my heart. For the first time since childhood there’s a lightness in my spirit I’ve never experienced before. I’m sad that it took me so long to realize I needed help and then even longer to accept help.

God doesn’t intend for us to live in bondage. He sacrificed His Son on the cross so that we might have and enjoy our life. Living with secrets, covering up our addictions, making excuses for why we are the way we are is anything but enjoying life.

I can’t get back all those years I wasted in denial but I can look forward to the future with a new attitude, freedom from the past and enjoying every day I have left. Surrender does lead to freedom, and being willing to admit we need help is the first step towards healing.

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the freedom I’m currently enjoying. I ask that you would help me to surrender my issues, my worries, my fears and anything else in my past that might be hindering me from living in total and absolute freedom. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to stand beside me and walk this difficult journey I’ve been on and for never leaving me or forsaking me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

As a little girl my father’s favorite term of endearment for me was “Butterball.” (Yes, I was a chubby little thing.) Being too young to realize that being compared to a fat round name brand turkey was more of an insult rather than a compliment, I was grateful for any attention from my father.

Even though my dad passed away over 10 years ago, there are still days I wake up and feel like Daddy’s fat, round Butterball little girl that didn’t have enough sense to know she was being ridiculed. In all honesty, I don’t think my dad called me that to be intentionally cruel. His was a different generation than the one my children are growing up in. It was simply his way. In those days, being the shy insecure girl I was, even negative attention from my dad was better than no attention.

Its funny how I can be trucking along feeling like a strong, confident woman who’s in charge of my own little block of the universe and then seemingly out of nowhere there’s a slight shifting of the sun, moon and stars and I wake up feeling like the Butterball girl. Those old insecurities resurface, I feel shy and hesitant unable to make concise decisions. I flounder in my feelings and convictions and would prefer to run and hide and make myself invisible – a neighborhood I’m quite familiar with.

I’m sure this Butterball feeling is directly related to a hormonal shift and the tiny zit forming on my upper lip. Perhaps the mass of freckles dotting my face; the direct result of my daily swim in the sun has propelled me back in time, as each time I look in the mirror I’m reminded of the 12-year-old girl I’ve tried so hard to forget. (Seriously, a woman of my advanced age should not have a face full of freckles. Although I suppose that’s a far better option than wrinkles.)

Perhaps it’s the melancholy that hits around this time each year as the kids prepare to head back to school and I’ve got another birthday looming in the next few weeks – another painful reminder that I’m not a young woman anymore.

I suspect the real culprit for my Butterball mood is simply my body’s way of reacting to what was a very positive upbeat weekend. I spent the whole weekend being “up” because I was invited to do a book signing for my novel.

Two days of schmoozing and chatting up my book and having people tell me how much they’ve enjoyed my book and I was floating on a cloud of self-importance and feeling uber confident. When you spend two days being that “up” the only place for you to go is back down again.

There’s nothing wrong with being pleased with our accomplishments and celebrating our victories. I do believe that God in His infinite wisdom is reminding me though that I need to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and my head out of the clouds. I believe the Butterball image is a necessary reminder that GOD has brought me a long way and without remaining grounded in Him and firmly planted in the Word of God, it’s a very short fall back to being the Butterball girl.

I’ve worked hard to exorcise that Butterball image from my head but perhaps I’ll let it stay and visit to remind me of who I am and that I’m a long way from being “all that.” I’m still a work in progress and God’s not done with me yet. I’m forever being molded into the image and likeness of Christ and so enormously grateful that He loves me, Butterball and all.

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now. ~Author Unknown

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for keeping me grounded and on firm footing in Your Word. I thank you for occasional reminders from the past, but help me not to dwell in the past and focus on painful reminders. I’m no longer that person and you’ve brought me forward and are helping me to become the person you created me to be. I thank you that you are continually at work in my life. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

There’s no such thing as being too thin or too rich!”

I’m not sure who said this, but most likely it was one of those those rich, skinny girls from Sex and the City. I really have never had an issue with either one of these things over the course of my life so I wouldn’t know firsthand. Somehow I can’t imagine that I’d mind being thinner or having more money, but those are two separate fantasies to be sure.

Of the two though, I can speak to the too thin issue as I watched my mother struggle with hyper thyroid problems. I, on the other hand battle hypo thyroid issues. For those of you who don’t know the difference: hypo thyroid is your metabolism is in a coma and when it does work it’s like sludge through a pipe on a cold winter’s day; hyper thyroid is like the Energizer bunny on crack.

My 5’4” mother couldn’t gain weight no matter what she ate. She never topped the scale higher than 135 pounds throughout her whole life. (At that weight she thought she was a cow.) The last few years of her life she averaged about 110 pounds and hugging her was like hugging a bag of bones. You literally could feel every vertebrae in her spine.

My daughter has a co-worker struggling with the same over active thyroid problems. This woman weighs 107 pounds and despite her record breaking eating binges, she cannot gain weight.

While those of us carrying too much weight wish we could trade places with these people, not being able to gain weight is every bit as serious a health risk as obesity. Just hearing about the things this little tiny woman eats hoping to gain weight makes me cringe, as she’s filling up on giant burritos, onion rings and French fries. Overeating fried foods in order to gain weight is extremely unhealthy. Simply because someone is very thin is no guarantee that they are healthy.

Regardless of the fact someone may be underweight, filling their bodies with high fat, fried foods can still damage and clog arteries and cause blood pressure issues, not to mention putting them at risk for heart disease or strokes.

Clearly there must be balance whether we’re too heavy or too thin. Yeah, I’m not going to lie to you; if I could bribe my thyroid into being hyper for a day or two, I’d probably jump at the chance. (No, probably more like a few weeks.) Realistically, I’d rather my thyroid functioned normally without the help of medication. In a perfect world, we’d all have properly working metabolisms putting us all on the same playing field, but as most of us know, life is rarely perfect or fair.

If you’re not sure what your thyroid is doing, a simple blood test can give you a better idea. Malfunctioning thyroid problems are responsible for a host of problems in our bodies. If you’re past due for a check-up or physical, make an appointment soon. You can’t fight the battle if you don’t even know there’s a war going on. Be informed and take control over your own health before it’s too late!

The greatest wealth is health. ~Virgil

19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. Ecclesiastes 5:19 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for preventative medicine that allows us to track health issues and deal with them as they arise. Help to make me a good steward of this body you have entrusted me with. Help me to always do my best to care for it and be a living example of the grace of God in my life. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Like many people, I’ve been on just about every diet program out there over the course of my dieting career. There’s no denying there are some great programs out there that all work well when the right amount of effort is applied. Most of us know about Weight Watchers®, Jenny Craig® and Nutri-System® to name a few. Those are all excellent programs with great success stories.

I’ve been on a few other weight loss programs which you may or may not recognize as well, such as the Seefood diet. This of course is the ever popular program that literally translated means if you see food – you eat it. I’ve been on that diet innumerable times and while the program achieved the results one would expect given the name, I can’t say as I’d recommend this program.

Another popular program is the No Holds Barred program, which is code for get out of my way before I stab you with my fork program that is a license to do bodily harm to anyone daring to cut in front of you in an all-you-can-eat buffet line. Again, I can’t recommend this program either.

One of my favorite programs was the Amelia Earhart Diet, which basically was me committing to a program and then getting lost along the way, never to be heard from again. As you can imagine, this is not a great program because too many people were constantly bugging me about “What ever happened to that diet you were on?”

Without a doubt the most popular diet program available may be one that I’ve been on repeatedly throughout my life. Thousands of us have been on this diet without even realizing it. I call it the “Wonder Diet.” This is EVERY program rolled into one, which has us crying out to God and praying and hoping … I wonder if this will be the program that finally works for me?”

If we are honest with ourselves, this is what we’re ALL thinking each time we invest money in a new diet program, diet pill, exercise program, exercise equipment, etc. Aren’t we ALL secretly praying that THIS TIME we will have success?

The bottom line is diets all basically work IF YOU FOLLOW THE PROGRAM! Clearly it’s not rocket science, but when you restrict your calories and increase your activity level you’re going to lose weight. Period, end of story.

Most of us know diets don’t work long-term because they are so restrictive and most of us don’t like to deny our flesh on a long-term basis. When the body is denied something it really likes for long periods of time, it tends to became like that forbidden fruit thing and the more we deny – the more we want it. Which is why making long-lasting lifestyle changes is so much healthier and smarter for us.

When we get too far out of balance one way or the other, we end up snapping which oftentimes leads to a bingeing meltdown. Or in my case a full blown incident of stabbing people with my fork. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

Balance and moderation will go a long way to seeing you through to a happily ever after success story and hopefully will keep people from asking you, “So … whatever happened to that diet you were on?”

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain

27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline. Lamentations 3:27 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, help me to submit to Your will and live in balance and moderation with both my eating and exercise programs. I thank you for the many varieties of food available for us to eat. May I make an effort to mix things up so I won’t get bored eating the same things all the time. I thank you that eating healthy and cutting back for a season doesn’t mean I will never be allowed to indulge in treats again. Help me to accept that for this season I must abstain to gain control over my flesh. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

The subject of how frequently to weigh while on a weight loss program is the topic of much debate. Because not all weight loss programs are created equal and not all who begin a program are losing weight for the same reasons, the regularity of recording your weight should be an individual choice.

For me the ultimate goal is to lose weight, but my overall goal is to lower my blood pressure and hopefully eliminate the need for blood pressure medicine altogether. In addition, I’d like to maintain healthy cholesterol levels (because so far they’re pretty good, even at my current weight) but, also I’d like to relieve some of the pressure from my over burdened knees and joints.

With my body type and my ineffective metabolism that’s basically been in a coma for many years, for me to weigh more than once a month is counter-productive. I lose weight slower than the average person, averaging one or two pounds a month (on a good month). For me to weigh weekly tends to lead to a snacking meltdown when the scale refuses to move on my behalf.

A few weeks ago when a surgeon confirmed my fears that I had a meniscus tear in my knee and would require surgery to repair it, I was forced to take a long hard look at my eating program. Left alone this injury will not repair itself and my being significantly overweight merely adds more pressure to an already damaged knee.

Basically, I had to get ugly with myself and decided it’s time to “put up or shut up.” Losing weight is no longer just a good idea, but a change that’s necessary if I hope to have a successful recovery period after my surgery in a couple of weeks.

This new “do or die” attitude manifested in me getting much stricter with my menu plan. Weighing and measuring out the foods I eat and recording every bite became my main focus. I got extremely serious about praying over all my food and every bite that I put into my mouth. I’ve cut out nearly 95% of all unnecessary snacking and I’m limiting myself to three meals a day with one snack a day. I’ve forced myself to eliminate standing over the counter with an open box of crackers and eating until I reach the bottom of the box or I get a stomach ache - whichever comes first.

Basically I’m doing what I’ve been writing about for months, but yet haven’t been able to follow through on for myself. It’s not that I haven’t been doing these things, but I’ve not applied the effort which has been needed for me to be successful. It’s sort of been a half-way effort on my part. Half-way is no longer an acceptable option.

The good news is, when I follow my own advice, this really works as I’ve lost a significant amount of weight in the last three weeks. This is HUGE since my body defies all reasonable logic. I hesitate to share the number for a couple of reasons. Number 1) it’s NOT about the number; and 2) whenever I mention to anyone I’ve lost X amount of weight that seems to be an open invitation for the enemy to come in and pull the rug out from under me and I end up gaining it all back faster than the speed of light. Number 3) I don’t want to brag and above all I don’t want anyone to compare themselves to me. Let’s just say, it’s a good number and I’m very pleased.

When we apply all of these healthy principles and get our heads on straight, this really does work. God is very good!

I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short. ~Shelley Winters

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that I am finally able to surrender to Your Will for my life. I thank you for success and pray that I won’t be tempted to fall back into old ways because I’m enjoying a little success. Help me to remain steadfast and strong in my commitment to get healthy. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

They say confession is good for the soul. I’m not sure who they are but, it turns out they know what they’re talking about. Last night I attended my support group and was invited to share a brief part of my testimony – the part that directly related to my relationship with food and the addictive strangle hold it has on my emotions.

Initially I was terrified to open up and spill my hidden secrets. Once I started though, it was like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker and the ugliness I’d buried in the basement of my dark past spewed forth. Sharing with the group was very cathartic for me, but only part of my healing this week.

The group I attend is a biblically based 12-step program for addiction. We’re encouraged as individuals to make an inventory of past issues as they relate to our addiction and the people we may have injured along the way. This includes things we have done as well as what was done to us. Once we’ve made the inventory, sharing it with one trusted person is considered crucial in order to achieve success in the program.

I was in denial for so long that I had a serious food/exercise addiction making it easier to explain away my obsessive behavior due to stress or anxiety. I only eat when I’m depressed, sad, angry, happy, hurt, scared etc.

Turns out I was not only eating all the time, but on many occasions doing most of this eating in secret hiding the evidence of my binges. Then of course, those secret eating binges were followed up with hours of strenuous exercise to burn off all those extra calories. I don’t know the exact definition of addiction, but that smells strangely like compulsive behavior to me.

Since I made my inventory and shared it with a trusted friend this week, I feel as though a huge burden has been lifted from me. I literally feel 10 pounds lighter today. It goes without saying that once I’d unburdened my soul the enemy did his best to make me feel foolish for sharing so much. I’ve learned to recognize when anything negative comes into my mind it is never from God, but from the enemy. The enemy’s lies cannot hurt me.

Confession is truly healing for the soul. A friend told me this week that anything we keep hidden in the darkness can no longer hurt us once we bring it up into the light and expose it. Today I feel as though I’ve turned the lights on in the basement of my soul and I’ve swept the space clean, including under the stairs and in the dark corners. Now that my hidden secrets have been exposed they no longer have power over me.

This definitely feels like progress!

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, Jesus I thank you that you have set me free from hiding the pain of my past. Help me to walk confidently in this freedom now that I’ve been released from my emotional prison, refusing to be held captive by hurtful memories, shame or guilt. I love you Lord for giving me courage and continuing to love me unconditionally. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’m a very vivid dreamer and I don’t just mean day dreams. Some mornings I wake so exhausted because my sleep time has been filled with non-stop action. This morning I woke completely spent from doing battle in my sleep with enemies of doom bent on my personal destruction. Those vivid horrifying nightmares are worse than the the rest of my dreams because they suck the energy right out of me.

When I awoke this morning, in spite of the heaviness in my spirit from a particularly dark dream, I immediately sensed God’s presence with me. In fact, I knew even in my unconscious state that God was with me and in the middle of my nightmare I kept crying out to God by simply saying His name over and over and over again.

“Jesus! Jesus! Jesus,” became my nightmare mantra. As soon as I was conscious I felt God impressing upon me that The Name of Jesus is so powerful and a mighty battle weapon that we fail to use to its fullest potential.

The example God gave me was if you were given a brand new car free and clear but you let it sit in your garage and opted to take the bus or rely on friends for rides instead, then your new car is useless and nothing more than a very expensive dust catcher. The car gives you the freedom to get where you want to go, but because you don’t use it, it’s as good as worthless.

The Name of Jesus Christ operates on the same principle. When we find ourselves tempted to give in to our addiction and sneak away to bury our faces in a carton of ice cream, we’ve got the power on the inside of us to stop the binge before it happens, but if we choose not to use it, it’s worthless.

Jesus is that power alive and living on the inside of us if we’ve asked Him to come into our hearts and be our Savior. I’m guilty of neglecting or ignoring the power of The Name of Jesus because I spend too much of my life living by my feelings and my flesh and being controlled by the whims of my selfish desires.

The next time I feel the urge to attack a stack of Oreos, if the only thing I know to do is walk away chanting, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” then I’ve got to trust the power of The Name alone will change my circumstances and help me to walk away from the Oreos.

We’ve all got that same power available to us. The question is, are we using it to its maximum potential?

How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer’s ear; it soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds, and drives away his fear. ~John Newton

9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:9-11 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you that I can call on The Name of Jesus any time of night or day and I know you are with me. I thank you for comfort even in my sleep. May I continually feel the warmth of your presence throughout my day and when I lay down to sleep at night, help me to rest in the knowledge that you are there as well. Above all, may I take advantage of the power available to me through The Name of Jesus so that I can stand fast in my convictions to eat healthy and conquer my food addictions. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I have a friend; we’ll call her Lucinda to protect her identity, who’s recently been undergoing testing for stomach pain. The doctors ruled out ulcer and are now doing further testing for gallbladder problems. She’s doing fairly well and eating healthy and managing her pain with diet and medication.

A few days ago, someone at her work brought something in to share that was over-the-top in deliciousness, presentation, calories and temptation. Poor Lucinda wanted to taste the tempting treat so badly, even telling herself the intense pain she knew she would suffer would be worth it just to taste this treat. Luckily her moment of insanity passed and she declined to indulge, saving herself hours of severe pain and most likely an unscheduled trip to urgent care.

Many of us like to push the envelope and see how far we can go before we get ourselves in trouble so deep there’s no return. I feel for Lucinda as the older I get my stomach seems to have a mind and will of its own and I can’t eat the same things I could 10 or 20 years ago. I no longer have a tolerance for spicy foods, fried foods or milk-based products – even chocolate sometimes upsets my stomach. I’m learning which foods to say “no” to in order to avoid those Pepto chasers and a life filled with physical pain.

In my mind there is NO food out there worth stomach cramps and severe pain. Because Lucinda is half my age, she’s still learning to gauge her tolerance level for pain so she’s willing to throw caution to the wind occasionally in exchange for a few moments of caloric ecstasy. With age DOES come a certain amount of wisdom, but I still stumble.

I’m not immune to stupid eating decisions, as proven by many of my recent blog posts. As recently as three days ago I gave into my flesh and ate ice cream which I know upsets my stomach but my reaction is usually “mild.” I rationalized that a few spoonfuls wouldn’t hurt much, so I took a chance. That reasoning proved false and I immediately suffered some uncomfortable consequences. I think I finally learned my lesson and accept that ice cream is now in the category of things I should never eat again.

As I compile my list of “danger foods” I know I’ve made definite progress as there are certain foods I absolutely can turn down without a second thought because of the “after burn” pain involved. Fried foods head that list and even though I may indulge in inhaling the aroma of such foods, I know that I know that I know I absolutely cannot eat fried stuff without severe pain, so I simply don’t any longer.

Like Lucinda, I still want to push the envelope from time to time. The good news is as my list of things to stay away from grows longer, the things I’m willing to eat once in a while in spite of the pain is growing shorter. Any way you spin it that spells progress to me. And forward progress of any kind is a win-win situation.

The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor. ~Chinese Proverb

Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. Romans 14:6 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I ask forgiveness for my stubborn will that makes me want to do things I know aren’t good for me. Help me to practice restraint and not feel cheated because there are certain foods I know I should stay away from. Continue to guide and direct me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

How many times have you heard someone say any of the following?

“I know I shouldn’t eat this but I’m going to anyway.” “I know I shouldn’t drink this but I’m going to anyway.” “I know I probably shouldn’t share this gossip, but I will anyway.” “I know I shouldn’t buy this because I’m broke, but I’m going to anyway.”

Or …

“I know I should apologize first, but I don’t feel like it.” “I know I should get up and exercise, but I don’t feel like it.” “I know I should go and visit my sick neighbor in the hospital, but I don’t feel like it because I’m too busy.” “I know I told that lady from church we’d get together for coffee because she needs a friend to talk to, but I just don’t have time, plus I didn’t really mean it when I said it. Everybody says stuff they don’t mean.” “God will understand because He knows how busy my life is.”

Just so you know, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone in particular regarding these statements, but sadly I’m letting you have a little peek at how horrible I’ve been in the past, because I’ve said or done all of these things – as recently as last night actually.

I was hanging out with a friend and I ordered a mega ice tea chocked full of caffeine and even though I don’t usually have too many issues with caffeine, I’ve not been sleeping well lately so I’ve been trying to cut back. But last night, I was enjoying wonderful “girl talk” fellowship so I had the strong ice tea anyway. Of course I paid the price for it with insomnia and a night wearing a pattern in the carpet trekking back and forth to the bathroom.

Sometimes I have to simply stop and ask myself, “Just how stupid am I?” To answer my own question, the correct answer would be pretty stupid apparently.

Whenever any statement we make is prefaced with, “I know I probably shouldn’t” that should be a lightning bolt from God’s mouth to our ears that tells us – “Hey, if you KNOW you shouldn’t – then don’t!”

For me personally I’m carrying most of my excess weight from a binge that started with, “I know I’m not really hungry and I really don’t need to eat this whole sleeve of Oreos but I’m depressed, so I’m going to anyway.”

When will I wake up and learn that the words of my mouth are digging my grave? I need to stand firm on God’s promises, say no to my flesh and tough it out and be master over my feelings and become the strong, confident woman God created me to be.

Somehow when it’s spelled out this way, it sounds so much easier, but I’m here to tell you that every day is a new day fraught with pitfalls. By taking everything one step at a time, taking every thought captive one thought at a time and praying for help and direction one prayer at a time, I believe God will help me to be victorious.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. ~Author Unknown

10 “Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world. 11 I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown. Revelation 3:10-11 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I humbly ask that you would protect me from my own stupidity. Help me not to bow down to my feelings or my fickle, unpredictable, selfish flesh. May I walk uprightly in all your ways and give me lasting peace, wisdom, common sense and a genuine sense of joy and contentment each and every day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I don’t know whether it’s a Monday thing, or perhaps the moon is aligned with the stars and Jupiter and Mars are all in their orbit where they need to be, but I woke up feeling fabulous today! I had some great time with God, swam a half mile in the pool and thanks to a very timely (albeit painful) cortisone injection in my knee last week, I was relatively pain free today for the first time in months.

Just like I was stymied by the appearance of my evil twin yesterday who wanted to snorf down Dreyer’s Cookies and Cream ice cream, my alter-ego who views everything positively with a glass half-full attitude awoke with me this morning.

I’m beyond trying to figure out my own emotional imbalances and can’t seem to figure out why so many people want to live inside me – but I like this chick that showed up today. How can I get her to stick around more often?

I’m certain part of my good attitude is the direct result of my quiet time with God this morning. I was feeling the need to strip myself bare (literally) and get naked before God. Sort of like an inventory of all my vital parts.

I used to schedule this sort of inventory on a weekly basis, but must confess once I started tipping the scale to the dangerous red zone, I backed off. Not to mention having to face yourself in front of wall-to-wall mirrors in your birthday suit can be hazardous to your eyesight and your ego.

Nonetheless, getting naked before God is a great way to come to grips with reality. I am a middle-age overweight woman and this is my body. This may be the best it will ever look – or it may be the worse it will ever look. Who knows?

I have a friend who recently confessed that she’s been doing a little naked time before God lately and its working wonders for her.

In light of my good mood today I even braved the scale which I typically only dare once a month. But with the stars and planets all aligned I figured I’d go for it and was pleasantly surprised with a nice weight loss over the last two weeks. There’s nothing better than a scale confirmation when you’re feeling good about yourself.

As we know though, the number on the scale does not validate us, but on a day like today, it doesn’t hurt anything either. Yes, I’m still 30 pounds heavier than I’d like to be but I’m really getting more comfortable with this old girl. Once you reach a certain age and all the pressure is relieved about competing with firm, fit bodies, there’s a certain freedom in simply enjoying who you are.

I can look in the mirror and admire my healthy golden tan, which is a direct result of my summer swimming schedule and I think it’s true what they say … “fat DOES look better tan.”

I may have slipped a little yesterday, but today is a brand new day, the possibilities are endless and some days you just have to say “thank you, Lord, life is very, very good!”

The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1. ~Author Unknown

A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord for the good days like today. I know everyday can be a good day if I set my mind to it. Help me to always see things in a positive light and trust you for my every happiness. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’ve had a pretty good week, food wise, which is unusual as of late. It feels as though I’ve had more “off” days than “on” days. So when I have a week where I’ve kept my food journal and not gone over my allotted calories for the day, that’s a great week.

Not sure why, but for some reason I was feeling the need to give myself permission to take a day off today. I started the day well. Recorded all my food calories, measuring everything exactly and then poof out of the clear blue sky my mind seemed to lose all sound logic and reasoning and I found myself smoothing out the top layer of some Cookies and Cream Ice Cream straight from the carton with a big giant spoon.

You know how it goes – you open up a carton of ice cream and one side has ice cream piled higher than the other so like an expert brick layer, you starting smoothing off the rough edges like your brandishing a cement trowel. Before you know it, you’ve probably smoothed away a couple of servings of ice cream and you stand there wondering what in the heck just happened to you?

It’s almost like my body was taken over temporarily by the former crazy woman who used to live inside me – that one that I’ve been working so hard at evicting. I hate it when she rears her ugly head. Who is she and why won’t she go away and leave me alone?

After some self-examination and a couple of Tums to quiet my now aching gullet which knows better than to eat ice cream because of my intolerance for lactose, I faced some hard facts.

When we suffer from an addiction – any kind of addiction – taking a “day off” should basically be right on the top of our Stupid List. If your drug of choice was crystal meth or alcohol and you took a day off from your sobriety, you’d be opening a can of worms that would quickly lead you down a quick road to self-destruction.

Why should food be any different? Yes we need food for our basic survival and clearly alcohol, drugs, porn or whatever doesn’t meet that same criteria. So food IS a little different, and Lord knows food is every bit as controlling as alcohol or drugs. Clearly we can never completely abstain from eating. You don’t go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and hear people say, “Hi, my name is Mandy Sue and I haven’t eaten in 14 months.”

We HAVE to eat every day, but we don’t have to binge eat every day. We don’t have to eat unhealthy foods or wrong foods to fill up the empty places in us.

I started praying about every bite that I put in my mouth this week – until I decided to mine for cookies in the bottom of a carton of Dreyer’s today, that is. Because I let my flesh control me, praying never became an option because I didn’t even give myself a chance to stop and pray. I just went for it. But I did notice that throughout my week when I made myself stop and pray before I put anything in my mouth I was able to control my urges, stop and think about what I was about to eat and made the smart choice NOT to waste the calories.

A food addict cannot afford the luxury of a casual day off. As most of us know once you open the cookie jar or the bag of chips, you can’t stop at just one. My advice, don’t give in to the little voice that tells you its okay to take a break. Most of us know once we slip, it’s just a short fall off the wagon altogether. The more you fall, the easier it becomes to stay down.

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. ~Author Unknown

28 A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Proverbs 25:28 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I ask that you would grant me self-control, not just daily, but hourly. I clearly can’t conquer these demons on my own and unless you step in and help me, I fear I will never beat this. Please walk beside me and convict me before I put anything in my mouth. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately because of pain in my knee resulting from an injury sustained several months ago. The pain wakes me frequently throughout the night. I keep having these dreams that I’ve been shot in the leg or been run over by a semi or that I’m falling off my bicycle (which I actually did recently) and I realize it’s the very real throbbing in my leg that’s aroused me. It’s quite unpleasant.

The one thing I keep fixating on throughout this painful process is that the need to lose weight has become more than emotional or for vain purposes like wanting to look better. I NEED to get this extra 35 pounds off to relieve the pressure on my knees and joints. The amount of pressure added weight puts on our hips, knees, ankles and feet is extremely high.

Obviously most of us know carrying even 10 or 20 pounds beyond what is comfortable for our frame can lead to serious illnesses, like Type II Diabetes, heart problems, circulation problems, knee and joint pain and many, many others putting us at risk for things like Cancer, heart attack and strokes.

As if the chronic pain in my knee wasn’t enough of a reminder that I’m overweight, an incident that occurred a few weeks ago brought it all home to me with a very real painful reminder. I had an MRI on my knee and when I was laying on the table and the technician was fitting the specially designed shell over my knee that tells the machine which body part to focus on, it got … (oh the embarrassment) sort of stuck on my leg.

Actually what it really did was pinch the heck out of my knee because I have a fairly good pocket of excess fat surrounding my knees. Both knees are kind of spongy with skin hanging all around them completely hiding the fact that I even have knee caps. As the tech was slowly lowering the device I felt it trap a pocket of fat between the edge just as he was getting ready to click and lock it in place. I started wincing and yelling, “Ouch!!! Release! Release! You’ve got my fat!” Oh, the shame of it!

Now as I’m staring down my options of either painful injections or surgery to repair the damage, I keep hearing that still small voice reminding me it is now imperative that I get rid of some of this extra weight. Of course in my defense, that’s what I’ve been trying to do God! How about a little help!!!

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I am the queen of yo-yo dieters and have exhausted every weight loss trick in the book. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on exercise equipment, gym memberships, diet fads, pills, foods, books and resources, but yet, my success is not happening – at least not at the rate I think it should be happening. The reasons for my lack of success are simply because I abused my body with diets and gimmicks and now I’m paying a very high price.

Because like so many who have walked this road with me, we are learning weight gain, food addictions, excessive dieting and exercise are about much deeper issues. I can proudly share that I am finally coming to a place of acceptance of who I am AT THIS WEIGHT, and I’m finally starting to like myself. Just when I was getting used to the idea that I may have to remain at this weight a while, the cold hard facts of life have reminded me once again: it’s not about the number – emotionally anyway, but it becomes about the number when you are facing a health crisis.

I will get this. I really will. It may take the rest of my lifetime, but with a little luck and help from my Lord and Savior I can extend the rest of my life one extra year for every pound lost. I want to be around for the long haul, Lord!

(In case you might be interested, God really does have a lot to say in His Word about “numbers” and “fat.” I suggest a keyword search on biblegateway.com when you have time. It’s fascinating reading!)

Once you’ve had your fat pinched by an MRI machine, there’s no denying it starts to be about the number, at least a little bit.

If we only have the will to walk, then God is pleased with our stumbles. — C. S. Lewis

20 “Therefore, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will surely judge between the fat sheep and the scrawny sheep.” Ezekiel 34:20 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I do thank you for gently reminding me that taking off weight is more than about vanity, it’s also necessary for health reasons. I’m doing my best, but if I’m messing up and missing something, please point it out to me so that I can complete this weight loss journey and have true success. As always, I ask that you continue to walk this weight loss road with me and be my guide. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I have a friend who shared with our support group that when she feels like eating something she’s not supposed to, she stops and asks God if it’s okay for her to indulge. If He says “yes” she feels free to indulge without guilt. If He says “no” she won’t eat it. Of course she said there are those days when she forges ahead and doesn’t even bother to ask God’s permission and she eats what she wants and usually suffers the guilt afterwards.

I find myself to be in the category of “never bothering to ask God’s permission” regarding anything that I eat. Therein lays my biggest problem and one that makes me feel like a chronic failure. So many times I fail to include God in my menu planning and my daily caloric intake.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out how I go from “get out of my way before I eat everything I put my hand to,” to “please, Lord God, come in and stop me before I do irreparable damage.” So often when I want what I want it’s because I’m having an anxiety attack or mental meltdown. There is NO time for rational thought, let alone quiet time with God.

If it were simply that easy to stop and ask God’s permission before we eat, believers in the body of Christ would never struggle with their weight. Because there are so many of us who are battling food addictions and weight issues, it’s slightly more complicated than simply asking God for help.

I started thinking on the concept of praying before meal time. We used to have to pray all the time before meals when I was growing up. When my children were little we always prayed for meals, but I confess, we’ve gotten away from that. Sometimes I stop and pray before I eat, but usually only for a sit down meal. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped and prayed over a bag of popcorn at the movies, an ICEE and pretzel at the mall or any other number of snacks I’ve consumed over my lifetime.

Perhaps, the restraint would be there if we took the time to get in the habit of praying before we ate anything – no matter how large or small. I have a tendency to think that taking time out for prayer might actually keep me from eating that handful of gummi bears I know I’m not supposed to be eating. Praying about the food makes us accountable for the food.

Bless us oh Lord and these thy gifts for which we are about to receive…

You never know, this might be an undiscovered diet secret that ensures absolute success. Rather than waiting until it’s too late and we’re wracked with guilt over what we’ve eaten that we know we shouldn’t have eaten, how about a preemptive strike.

The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him. ~William McGill

“Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Matthew 26:41 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I ask that you would help me remember to stop and take the time to pray BEFORE I eat ANYTHING, no matter how small. Make me cognizant of the mindless eating I tend to do and help me to stick to my menu plan without giving in to temptation. I want to gain control over my food addictions, but unless you step in and help me Lord Jesus, I am doomed to failure because I know I cannot do this without your help. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Not long ago I was shopping at Wal-Mart with my husband. While he waited in a long check-out line he sent me off to McDonald’s for a cheeseburger for him for the ride home. After I placed my burger order, cold beads of sweat gathered on my top lip as I thought I spotted someone who I used to work with in a weight loss class with me. Oops! What to do?

I’d already ordered my hubby’s burger and was waiting off to the side. I did my best to stare off into space. I tried to hide behind the giant cut-out of whatever Happy Meal toy was currently available. I did a little people watching – basically looking everywhere except towards this woman. I really was hoping she wouldn’t notice me.

Somehow the fact that we knew each other from a weight loss class and we were both ordering food at McDonald’s filled me with instant guilt. On top of that, I know I’m not in that weight loss class anymore because I’m way over my goal weight. One quick dart in her direction and I sized her up as being way beyond her goal weight as well. Rather than being comforted by this fact, I continued to lurk in the shadows.

After this woman placed her order, she grabbed her drink glasses and disappeared around a corner to the soda fountain. Relief flooded through me as my number was called. I grabbed my burger bag and made a beeline for my waiting husband. Score! The woman never spotted me!

Or had she? Perhaps like me she was too embarrassed to say hello?

Somehow my radical attempts to remain invisible got me thinking on the drive home. Obviously I’ve not come as far in repairing my damaged self-esteem as I’d hoped. Here I was hiding from a former coworker acting like I was carrying a giant tray filled with Big Mac’s, super-sized fries and milk shakes with the intent to steal away like a common criminal and devour them in my car. I had one little burger in my bag and it wasn’t even for me, yet I was acting guilty, guilty, guilty.

Okay, some serious self-evaluation is in order. Clearly I’m over my goal weight from several years ago, but I am currently working on rectifying that weight gain. Obviously I need to heed my own advice which I hammer home on a regular basis … It’s not about the number!

For the first time in a long time, I’ve come to grips with myself at this weight. I do my best to dress for my body type. I always take extra care with my hair and make-up. I’m a good person; a good wife and mom; a successful writer. I have nothing to be ashamed of. If I can be brought low by a single little hamburger, I still need to be working the program and the steps.

Perhaps if this situation occurs again, I can be more gracious and confident and take the first step to say “hello.” I can offer encouragement and focus on one great thing I notice about her and offer her a compliment rather than cowering in shame and acting guilty.

I’d like to kick myself for reverting back to my old ways. The fact that I was able to face up to my insecurity so quickly makes me realize there is still work to be done and I am forever a Work In Progress.

Practice makes perfect and I’ll get this … eventually.

Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul. ~Author Unknown

“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”6 So we can say with confidence, “The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray that you would continue to do a work in me and mold me and make me into your image. Help me not to hide and cower behind my insecurities. Fill me with your Holy Spirit and help me to see beyond my fears so that I might be able to reach out and offer a kind word to others. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

For anyone who lives with daily pain – be it physical, mental or emotional, you know how debilitating it can be and how emotionally and physically exhausting it is. I’ve been living with physical pain for about six months now and some days I think I’ve more than had enough.

Trying to maintain a positive attitude in light of the chronic pain has presented certain challenges. One of the benefits to all this pain has made me more compassionate towards people who are battling terminal illnesses. I’m beginning to better understand how easily people can become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Anything that dulls the pain – even for a little, is a temptation.

I’ve never had a drug or alcohol addiction, but during the last few months I’ve reached for prescription pain pills on several occasions to dull the pain, if even for a short while. This need I’ve had to reach for synthetic pain relief has opened my eyes to addiction.

For those of us that battle food addictions, when we’ve felt the need to dull the pain of rejection, abandonment, abuse, etc, we’ve used food to anesthetize our emotions. I was guilty of that for so long, so I’m not standing in judgment of others. I understand the need to numb emotions. I’m not proud of the fact that I wasn’t a strong enough person to push through my pain and tough it out without the need of stuffing my face with food.

In the long run, stuffing my face only numbed the pain for a very short while and once the bingeing was over, the residual side-effects of the food kicked in, filling me with shame and guilt. Addiction is a vicious life-sucking cycle that robs us of self-worth, self-esteem and our dignity. Don’t you know that’s right where the enemy wants us!

I understand the need to dull physical pain with pain killers, but as with anything we must have balance. It’s important to closely monitor our dosage so it doesn’t end up controlling us.

If there is a bright side to my physical injury, it’s that I oftentimes don’t want to eat at all because the pain is so acute I’m nauseous. Emotional pain can be different in the fact that my emotions always need to be fed regardless of whether I’m hungry or not. So I suppose if I had to choose, I’d say I’d take this physical pain over emotional pain any day of the week because at least I’m not feeding my fickle feelings. See there’s always a silver lining!

From the bitterness of disease man learns the sweetness of health. ~Catalan Proverb

Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away. Psalm 90:10 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I know that even in the midst of pain you are with me and watching over me. I pray Father God for those that suffer daily with any type of pain. Be the healer of the sick and comfort those who mourn. Give me compassion for those that suffer daily. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

A couple of friends of mine are getting ready to leave on a two-week vacation. In preparation for their trip they’ve been “dieting” hoping to lose a few pounds so they can enjoy their vacation without guilt. Translated that means they intend to eat anything and everything they want while on vacation. In order to be able to do that, they both set out to lose 10-20 pounds before their vacation starts.

To the casual observer or any diet-conscious individual, this sounds like a stupid plan. Take it from someone who knows first-hand the dangers of yo-yo dieting – this is a really stupid idea.

But hey, it’s none of my business what other people do. I must confess though that some days I think God really does play favorites and I’m clearly NOT one of His favorites.

Case in point, the female half of this couple is a woman five years older than me, has gone through the joys of menopause and has had surgery on her non-working thyroid. She accepts that she’s about 30 pounds heavier than she needs to be. She watches what she eats and I suspect she will practice some restraint while on vacation.

Her husband on the other hand has seen his weight yo-yo up and down every year as he prepares for vacation. He eats his weight in fried foods and cakes and pies throughout the duration of whatever vacation he’s enjoying. Upon his return home, he cuts back slightly and manages to lose the 15 or 20 pounds of vacation weight. I’ve seen him do this pre-vacation starvation diet and watched him lose 20 pounds in a two-week time frame year-after-year, and then resume “normal” eating and regain all his weight.

Seriously, what’s that all about God?

It’s no secret that men and women lose weight differently. Being a member of the female persuasion and in the club that rarely loses weight even under the best of circumstances, I can’t help but feel extreme jealousy. (And I mean jealousy SO extreme that I’d like to do serious property damage to my friend’s new car, but I won’t!)

Life isn’t fair and when it comes to metabolism, body types, DNA, etc., we are NOT all created equal. I can sit around and complain (or blog) about the unfairness of life’s metabolic unfairness, or I can suck it up, accept the situation as it is and get over myself.

Yes, it’s not fair, but it is what it is and just because I can’t lose weight like any other person on the planet, that doesn’t mean I’m loved any less by my Creator. It doesn’t mean that I’m not a good person. It simply means I swam in a very challenging gene pool and I need to deal with it.

Yeah, some days “what it is” is sucky! But in the end, God is still good and in control!

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven. ~Yiddish Proverb

10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. Eccelesiastes 3:10-11 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I admit my feelings of jealousy over my friend’s weight loss and I ask that you would forgive me for feeling this way. Wipe away my sin and replace these jealous feelings with kindness, compassion, joy and love for my friend. May I exhibit grace to all and share in the success of others. Help me to stop comparing myself with others and be satisfied and content with myself just as a I am. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Struggling with food addictions, weight problems and low self-esteem issues oftentimes make it hard to admit when we actually need help from anyone. Somehow the shame of our addiction brings with it the stigma of failure and weakness so to ask for help seems to only magnify those weaknesses and failures.

Or so the enemy would have us believe.

A couple of weeks ago in church the pastor was doing a sermon on discouragement. For anyone who’s ever struggled to lose weight, we know firsthand how discouraging the weight loss journey can be.

At the end of the sermon the pastor gave an invitation to anyone who was struggling with discouragement to stand and receive prayer. Even though I knew in my spirit that the message was practically custom tailored for me and my latest struggles with my weight loss and my daily pain level due to a knee injury – I froze in my seat. I could not make myself stand up to receive prayer.

I argued internally that I was simply too discouraged to even bother standing up, but God knew that I was standing up on the inside. For me the second I made a choice not to stand up and publically admit I was struggling with discouragement opened my eyes to an even bigger problem.

I was filled with pride.

I know that pride is one of the seven deadly sins – so that’s a biggie. In my head I’m trying to justify my actions because to me admitting I’m struggling feels more like I’m struggling with shame rather than pride.

Yes part of my problem is publically admitting that I’m weak and ashamed, but God helped me see that by refusing help I’m too full of pride to admit that I have a problem. I’m not even sure this makes sense to anyone else, but God explained it better to me than I’m explaining here.

There is no shame in asking for help but when we refuse help offered to us is it because we can’t get past our shame or is it because we think I can do this on my own? In either case, pride could be the root cause. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know pride is my issue.

If we’re feeling shame, we need to lay that down and get past it. If we think we can complete this journey without help from anyone, we’re kidding ourselves and we need to lay that down and get past it.

This journey is hard enough and I’m learning that it’s okay to ask for help. Now that I’ve recognized my pride issue, I’m praying God will help me to overcome it and keep working on getting all this junk out of me.

Man oh man, becoming a responsible, respectable human being is sure a lot of work.

God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through. ~Author Unknown

18 First pride, then the crash — the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. Proverbs 16:18 (The Message Bible)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that you are merciful when you point out my sins. May I overcome whatever shame I continue to carry inside me. Forgive me for this need I have to keep my problems to myself, never admitting my weaknesses and my faults. Please be patient with me as I learn to trust others and reach out for an occasional hand to hold or someone to lift me up when I am down. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Without warning you wake up and there it is that I’m NEVER going to beat this weight problem state of mind. No matter how hard you wish it away, pray without ceasing or even try to shop, read, or nap it away, those negative thoughts have implemented themselves in your brain and refuse to be shaken.

We ALL have days like that when despite our best efforts those NEVER thoughts pound at your brain like an annoying drippy faucet … you’ll NEVER get this … you’ll NEVER lose weight … you’ll NEVER be out of your fat girl clothes … you’ll NEVER overcome your food addictions. Oh wait – maybe I’m the only one who ever battles such negative thoughts.

If we allow these negative thoughts to linger and take root, it’s only a matter of time before that negativity chokes the life out of us. As soon as one of those NEVER thoughts pops into our head, we’ve got to chase it away and replace it with positive affirmations.

Rather than thinking I will NEVER get this weight off, we need to remind ourselves that we are eating healthy and balanced meals. Think of all the positive steps we are making to get healthy and lose weight, like weighing and measuring our food portions and recording our daily calories. Every time we resist the urge to stop at McDonald’s for fries and a McFlurry, we’re winning the battle.

How can we believe we’ll NEVER achieve our goals when we’re going to weekly support groups, journaling our trials and our victories or calling a friend when we stumble or fall? If we take the time to list all of the positive steps we are making to get healthy and lose weight, they far outweigh the NEVER thoughts that try to control us.

Even if we’re not dropping weight as fast as we’d like or even as fast as our friends, getting healthy should not be a competition because then it becomes about something other than getting healthy. If we’re working on getting healthy, there are no losers only winners.

Don’t let yourself board the bus to NEVERland. That’s a dead end trip that ends up costing you more than you’re willing to pay. Get on board the I’m okay and I’m on my way bus that’s bound for success – no matter how long it takes.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. ~Winston Churchill

13 All who fear the LORD will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance, corruption and perverse speech. 14 Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine. Proverbs 8:13-14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, help me to banish those thoughts that tell me I’ll never succeed and beat these weight issues. I pray for success and ask that you would control not only my negative thoughts, but give me control over mouth so I will not speak negative words. Grant me each day a measure of success so I will not become discouraged and be tempted to quit altogether. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

If ever there was ever a legitimate reason for wanting to hide away and isolate myself from the world – today would be that day. I got a haircut a couple of days ago that’s less than what I was hoping for. It’s so “less” – meaning short that it borders on what I classify as “Lesbian short.” Hence the need to isolate myself from the rest of the world for the next few weeks until is grows out.

It’s really quite comical though as for decades it was my hairstyle that I chose to cower behind. In the 80s I sported really big hair (TV evangelist wife big) coupled with glasses as large as satellite dishes. Thinking to camouflage my body flaws, I chose extreme hair and glasses to hide behind. My central goal was to be invisible. Looking back on those pictures, I can only shake my head in disgust as the bigness of my hair and my glasses only drew attention to my low self-esteem and insecurities.

In the 90s I let my locks grow really long and cowered under a mantle of either long permed curls or long straight to my waist hair. In my warped logic I assumed if I hid behind my Rapunzel hair, no one would notice me. The common denominator of the 80s and 90s was clearly my rock-bottom low self-esteem.

After the turn of the century (good Lord, am I old or what?) I opted for brand new super short hair for a brand new century thinking a new attitude and a new me would follow. I wrestled with the notion for years that if I were to wear short hair, I’d bear a striking resemblance to a bowling pin because of my misshapen body.

For the last decade I’ve not had long hair to hide me and I do look amazingly like a bowling pin – but I’ve usually had a really great hair style. (This week is the exception.) When I had long thick hair, I never got compliments on how great my hair was. Since I’ve cut it really short, spiky and sassy, I’m always getting complements on my hairstyle. Having short hair has challenged me and my self-esteem mainly because what I feared most has come to pass – I’m no longer invisible. I have great hair and people notice that.

When we struggle with food addictions and weight problems, we seek ways in which to hide ourselves. I hid under layers of heavy, thick hair, but I’ve often been guilty of hiding under layers of clothes as well. We hide behind our kids or our spouses. We hide behind witty repartee and stand-up humor. People hide in their jobs or hobbies and crafts – anything that won’t draw attention to us and our perceived flaws.

Overcoming low self-esteem is a process that cannot be achieved instantly or overnight. Chances are the low self-esteem we live with is a direct result of the hidden scars we carry inside that were carved from traumatic childhoods.

We can hide from the world behind hair, clothes or addictions, but we cannot hide from God. He already knows everything about us, including the ugliness we work so hard to keep buried. The good news is, He loves us any way. Regardless of how ugly our past may be, God doesn’t look at the ugliness of abuse, addiction or sin; God sees our hearts.

If we have confessed our sins to Him, he is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and has forgiven us. (1 John 1:9) In order for us to be truly free – free enough to stop hiding, we need to accept that forgiveness from God AND most importantly, we need to forgive ourselves and those that have hurt us.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese

21 Then Jesus asked them, “Would anyone light a lamp and then put it under a basket or under a bed? Of course not! A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light will shine. 22 For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light. 23 Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” Mark 4:21-23 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I know I cannot hide anything from you. Help me overcome any low self-esteem issues I wrestle with and help me to conquer that need I feel to hide myself from the rest of the word. Help me to operate in the gifts of the spirit. Fill me with the confidence that I am loved by the Savior so that I may reach out in love to others who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

If you’re like me chances are you have a few personality quirks or idiosyncrasies that you’re uncomfortable with – maybe even downright unhappy about. My list of quirks is too long to list, but probably right at the top of that list is my propensity for isolation. I wish I was more of a social butterfly, but that gene bypassed me and went right to my kids.

Obviously living in the desert in the summer time, isolation and hibernating just makes good sense. It’s too blasted hot to go traipsing all over town. Naturally it’s understandable to say “no” to a lot of summertime activities. Unfortunately, I use that “it’s too hot” excuse far too often and prefer staying home by myself more often than not.

Don’t get me wrong, I like people – most of the time - and I enjoy being sociable – some of the time. But there are those days when my hormones are all wonky or I’m struggling with discouragement and despair because I feel fatter than normal and I simply want to crash in front of the computer or the TV and while away the hours by myself.

When we suffer from any type of addiction, be it food, shopping, alcohol, drugs, etc., spending too much time isolating ourselves can be a red flag and a sign that we need to reach out for help. The more time we spend alone, the easier it becomes to adapt to that hermit lifestyle and forego human contact altogether. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic who’s been sober three years now, but he still has a hard time being with people. He’s even taken to watching church online every week, because it’s convenient, it’s easy and he hates crowds. But too much isolation is unhealthy. He’s also terribly lonely - you think?

As with everything we need to have balance in our social life. Spending quiet time by ourselves and with God is important for our own peace of mind and developing a closer relationship with Christ. However, God created diversity in mankind for a reason, because we complement one another and we need one another.

I admit there are times when I have to force myself to accept an invitation to a social event – even going so far as to sit in the car when I get there and argue with myself about going in. Most of the time, once I go in and start mingling, I end up enjoying myself and wonder why I ever considered staying home in the first place. One of the enemy’s most successful tools is isolation. If he can keep us separate and alone, he can chip away at our confidence and our self-esteem. Isolating ourselves actually makes it easier for him. DANGER! DANGER! Red flags waving all over the place!

I’m no longer the ugly little fat girl the enemy tries to convince me I once was. I’m a confident, beautiful daughter of the King and I refuse to hide my light under a bush. The road to recovery means reintroducing ourselves to society occasionally. We all have the potential to be beautiful social butterflies but we’ve got to be willing to leave the isolation and safety of the cocoon.

A good friend is cheaper than therapy. ~Author Unknown

46 They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity 47 all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. Acts 2:46-47 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray that you will motivate me to interact with others when my natural disposition makes me want to hide from the world. Help me to come out of my shell and open up to others and become more involved in the lives of those around me. I know that each day you are helping me to grow stronger and more mature and you are constantly at work in my life. I thank you that you love me enough not to leave me all alone. I pray you will continue to mold me and make me and help me to become all that you have planned for me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I attended a small group meeting last night and one of the gentlemen in the group brought up a great point about prayer. I chewed on his words throughout the night and they are still running around in my brain today so I thought I’d best share them.

The topic of discussion was how we ought to be praying. This man felt led by the Lord to present his requests to God and immediately offer thanks to God for hearing him and answering his prayers. Rather than dwelling on repetitive prayer, God impressed him to spend his prayer time thanking God for the answers. Even though my friend has no way of knowing how God will answer his prayers he felt it was important to be thankful in advance. I liked this so much, I’ve decided I’m going to adopt this into my prayer life.

We know that God hears us when we pray because scripture is filled with reassurances that God hears us. There are scriptures that tell us that Jesus Christ is interceding on our behalf to the Father so we know that whatever we pray in His name, God has heard us.

Of course we have no way of knowing the exact specifics of how our prayers will be answered. God is always in control regardless of how we present out begging, pleading and tenacious petitions to Him. How and when He chooses to answer our requests is based on our attitude, our heart, whether we’re walking in faith or unforgiveness, etc.

Starting today, when I prayed about my day and asked God to help me to be in control of my food rather than letting my food control me, as soon as I spoke my request, I thanked God for hearing me. I also started thanking and praising God for the victory I know I will have in successfully losing weight.

Rather than praying, “I wish you would take away these food cravings TODAY, God,” I prayed, “Thank you, Lord Jesus for helping me to overcome these food temptations today.”

As I’ve mentioned before, attitude is everything. Isn’t it better to carry around an attitude of faith that I will be successful rather than a half-baked attitude that I hope I’ll succeed and lose weight someday?

There’s always something to chew on. Rather than chew on something that is unhealthy and filled with empty calories, I believe I’ll chew on a heart full of thanks.

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: I thank you Lord for all that you have blessed me with in this lifetime. I know that you hear my prayers and I thank you for that. I ask that you would search my heart and see if there be any wicked ways in me. Forgive me of my sins and may I harbor no unforgiveness against anyone. I pray that you will hear my requests and grant them according to Your Will and not mine. Your will be done on earth as it is Heaven. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Flipping through my calendar recently I happened to notice that not only is the summer half over, but the calendar year is officially half over. How on Earth did that happen?

With more of the year gone than there is left, I was thinking that perhaps this might be a good week for a resolution inventory. Because I started my New Year’s resolution on January 1st and six full months have come and gone, it’s a good time to take stock of any success we may be enjoying.

First if you’re like me and began a healthy eating program January 1st and you’re still sticking with it … CONGRATULATIONS and HURRAY for you! If you’re still on a weight loss program after six months, you’re in the minority and you deserve a round of applause.

Many of us know that if we don’t see some sort of immediate progress when it comes to losing weight we tend to ditch the program and revert back to old ways. Perhaps like me, you’re success is measured very slowly and you’re not seeing the results you’d like, but you’re still following a program. That’s huge! Don’t give up because you haven’t lost as much weight as someone who started the same time as you. Hang in there!

Success isn’t necessarily measured by total pounds lost. If you’ve only lost a few pounds but you’re blood pressure or cholesterol is improving – that’s progress. If you’ve kicked some bad eating habits and eliminated unhealthy sodas or fried foods from your diet – that’s progress. If you’ve only lost a few pounds but you’re exercising three or more days a weeks and making better food choices – that is progress.

If you can look back to where you were six months ago and see positive changes in your attitude, what you are eating, your exercise program or the way your clothes are fitting – that’s all good and that’s all progress.

Ideally it’d be great if in six months from now I was at my goal weight. I’m hoping in six months from now it will be more about me laying down my obsession to exercise, my addictive behavior towards food and being obsessed with weight in general. To me success isn’t about the number on the scale but what’s going on in my head. Success for me is about having my head on straight and maintaining a healthy attitude about food. Success for me is being closer to God than ever before because I’ve submitted my unhealthy attitude about food over to Him.

In six months from now I hope I can declare unequivocally that I eat to live rather than live to eat. I hope you’re all still on the journey with me!

If we’re not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn’t settle for junk food. ~Sally Edwards

7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. 1 Timothy 6:7-8 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that I’m past comparing my progress with that of others. I thank you for the lifestyle changes I have made in the past six months. I thank you that I’m making better choices regarding my food and my exercise. Even though I may not be where I want to be as far as my weight goes, I thank you that I have made progress. Please help me continue to make wise choices. I pray you bless me with wisdom and common sense regarding food and weight. Give me the strength to finish this journey with excellence. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I was watching a show on TV last night that left me totally stymied about this whole weight thing. The program was National Geographic Taboo. The program highlighted two different cultures; one here in America and our obesity crisis. The second part of the show outlined the culture in the African nation of Mauritania where fat women were idolized and much sought after.

The first part of the show chronicled one obese man who weighed 750 pounds and was confined to his bed. He had to be removed from his house with a special winch and it took six very large men to remove him from his bed.

I’d just finished eating a small bowl of sherbet when the story came on and immediately felt the need to go and stick my finger down my throat. I know I’m a long way from being morbidly obese, but watching this man’s life story unfold disturbed me. For some strange reason, I started worrying that my small bowl of sherbet would lead me down the slippery slope into self-destruction. No one wants to be removed from their house by a crane and six giant men.

It came as no surprise to me that our American culture ostracizes obesity and equates success with thin, svelte bodies. Society sends us mixed signals by glamorizing thinness but yet overselling readily available food. Food commercials dominate the airwaves, not to mention there are fast food restaurants available on every corner. Lord, its confusing!

In the country of Mauritania in western Africa, women are encouraged to be heavy and many are severely obese. A woman who is heavy is said to be much loved by her husband. Mothers start force-feeding their young daughters at ages five or six to fatten them up to make them more appealing for marriage. They even resort to torture when a girl refuses to eat and it’s perfectly legal and accepted in their society. They bind their little feet between wooden stakes and squeeze them until the child finishes her meal, which in that culture consists mainly of cows milk fortified with millet and butter.

I was repulsed by the torture methods used to force these little girls to eat, but yet at the same time watching overweight little boys and girls in this country wolfing down French fries by the fistful is equally disturbing to me.

I turned off the TV and went to bed praying that somehow I could find some personal balance in my own daily diet. One thing I’m grateful for is I rarely give in to my cravings for fast food. The program did point out that obesity is becoming a global problem (even calling it “globesity”) because more fast food restaurants are popping up internationally in countries that previously had no problems, like China. Burgers, fries, tacos and fried chicken are going to be the ruin of mankind.

For me, a person’s weight should be their personal business and it’s not right to be ostracized for our weight any more than it is for our race. In a perfect world it would be lovely if America stopped its obsession with thinness thereby taking the pressure off of “normal women” to push themselves to emulate these unhealthy role models.

Sadly we don’t live in a perfect world and thousands of children go to bed hungry while others gorge themselves and grow up to be unhealthy adults. What is wrong with this picture? There’s a lot of imbalance in this imperfect world. I’m trying to do my part and eat healthy and pass along proper nutritional balance to my children and grandchildren. It won’t fix the world’s problems, but it’s a start.

We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive. ~Albert Einstein

10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I pray you will grant me compassion for brothers and sisters who struggle with obesity and for those that suffer from malnutrition. Open my eyes to serve where you lead me; help me not to judge others, lest I be judged. May I always be grateful for all that you’ve provided for me and my family and never give in to complaining. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

There comes a point in every weight loss journey when reality must be faced head on and we must stop living in denial. I’m talking about my walk-in closet and the smorgasbord of sizes I’ve got tucked away. My clothing sizes range in variations from a 6 to a 16 and small to double XXL. That’s a pretty big span and range of weight gains and losses.

I reached my reality check point last week when I was looking for a purse or a pair of shoes; I don’t even remember what exactly. As I was moving clothes all around I found a hidden stash of forgotten clothes. The reason I’d conveniently forgotten them was they were all mostly sizes 6 or 8, and most were golf shorts and shirts.

My shorts-wearing days are a thing of the past, even if I did have the legs for shorts these days – which I don’t, most of the styles were horribly outdated and out of fashion. I decided that was enough of a reminder that my closet was long overdue for a thorough spring cleaning.

Reality can be a bitter pill to swallow when you finally choke it down and face the fact that your size 6 and 8 days are long behind you because the behind you currently have simply can no longer fit into a 6 or an 8. My current reality has me comfortably squeezed in a size 14 but I’d be ecstatic with a size 10. However, I’d settle for a 12. For my age and body type a size 6 is unrealistic. To even lose enough weight to be a size 8 I would look a little cadaverous and unhealthy.

Initially it was a little tough for me to face facts and start piling the clothes in a discard pile to give away to my favorite charity. Most experts suggest when cleaning out your closet, regardless of your assorted sizes, if you come across something you haven’t worn in two or more years – discard it! Why are we hanging onto those 1982 stone-washed jeans just because they are a size 6? Seriously, those will never be in style again! Do we really need that reminder?

Why do we insist on hanging onto clothes that are out of style, or well-worn or stained, simply because they might be several sizes smaller than what we currently wear? In all reality, even if we lost a significant amount of weight to be able to fit into those old clothes, most of us want to shop for newer more fashionable clothes. Isn’t shopping for smaller sizes one of the perks of losing weight in the first place?

If it’s out of style and you haven’t worn it in a while, gut it out and pitch it out. Buy brand new when you are through.

Words to live by, my friends!

Reality bites… and doesn’t let go. ~Author Unknown

13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord, for opportunities to organize my life. Help me to forget what size I was in the past and help me not to waste my life wishing for things than can never be. Help me to look ahead to the future and all the bright possibilities before me. Help me to always dress for success at any weight – whether at my “perfect” weight or current weight. Help me to remember my weight doesn’t define me or make me happy or a success – but the power to be happy lies within me. I can be happy at any weight. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It seems only fitting that on this Independence Day that those of us who struggle with food addictions or weight problems should declare this our “Independence Day” from bondage. The skinny girl inside me being suffocated by the not-so-skinny girl and my protective layer of body fat would like nothing more than to secede from the union of the fat girl and be released. My inner skinny girl wants to be set free from the captivity of fat.

Since it’s impossible for me to completely declare my independence from fat, the next best thing is to declare myself set free from the bondage of food and my addiction of always worrying about what I weigh – at least for today. Ideally I’d like to be free from this addiction the rest of my days, but we all know that’s easier said than done.

Today I declare my independence from my addiction to food and do hereby set forth from this day forward I shall be a free woman who refuses to bow down to the whims of my flesh. Grant me liberty or grant me thin thighs.

I hope you all enjoy your Independence Day as well!

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

36 So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the freedoms we enjoy in this country and I pray for all the people who have fought and served for the privilege of freedom. I pray that starting today I can be free from my addictive behaviors to food and free from always worrying about my weight. Help today be the first day of my freedom from bondage and may I enjoy freedom every day from here on out. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

At my weekly support group meeting this week, as we were leaving a challenge was presented to the group for the upcoming week. The challenge was to resist thinking OR saying anything negative about ourselves for the whole week. One girl in the class said it best: “The WHOLE WEEK???!!!!”

If that girl’s reaction is any indication, clearly I’m not the only woman who struggles with taming her self-deprecating thoughts about herself. It is somewhat easier to tame my tongue in comparison to my thoughts. Those seem to have a mind of their own.

Those negative self-loathing thoughts pop into my head seemingly uninvited with little or no provocation. All it takes is a walk by a single mirror to motivate my lip to curl in disgust followed by some sort of mental lambasting about my facial flaws or physical imperfections.

I confess a whole week does present certain pitfalls when it comes to keeping quiet with my negative comments. So far after only two days, I’ve done a deplorable job. Last night my family went swimming and I declined to join them and sat pool side while they enjoyed a refreshing dip. As is my nature, I offered up a warning to my kids telling them I wasn’t swimming for their benefit. I didn’t want to scar them emotionally for the rest of their lives by having to witness my frumpy form in my swimsuit.

I don’t know why I can’t keep my comments to myself – but even if I wouldn’t have shared them, I would still have been thinking those negative thoughts. How do we go from zipping our lip to not even letting those negative put downs into our brains in the first place?

For me it comes down to practicing what I preach. I’m the first one to tell others when you start dwelling on a negative thought, you must instantly replace it with a positive affirmation about what God says in His Word. That’s why it’s so important that we not only read the Word on a regular basis, but we need to study it, we need to memorize it and we need to KNOW the Word.

When I think, “I’m so fat and disgusting in my swimsuit;” I need to replace that instantly with “I am made in the image and likeness of God.” I need to write 1 Peter 3:4 on an index card and post it on my mirror so I can remind myself every day: You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

It’s not easy to retrain our thoughts and words. It starts with one thought at a time. I’ve decided I’m going to succeed at this weeklong challenge, and who knows – if I practice replacing those negative thoughts and words enough this week, perhaps I can do it the week after that … and the week after that and …. Just maybe it’ll become a habit to look in the mirror and see the beautiful woman God created me to be.

Cure yourself of the affliction of caring how you appear to others. Concern yourself only with how you appear before God, concern yourself only with the idea that God may have of you. ~Miguel De Unamuno

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:49 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I ask that you would guard the words of my mouth and the thoughts that I think. May I refuse all negatives thoughts that pop into my mind and replace them with affirming and uplifting thoughts instead. Help me to dwell on what is pure and lovely and refuse to give voice to those negative thoughts about myself. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

During these dog days of summer, living in Phoenix is something akin to taking a trip to the surface of the sun. It’s hot. How hot is it? To quote Robin Williams from a scene in Good Morning Vietnam, “It’s damn hot!”

I had a support group meeting last night and I wanted to dress in something that wouldn’t stick to me walking to and from the car and make me all sweaty. I don’t own a pair of shorts these days, so that wasn’t an option for me. I opted for a lightweight summer skirt and layered tank tops with a kicky belt. I thought I looked okay – not great but comfortable, temperature wise at least.

It’s the sleeveless thing that’s a major issue for me and tends to dictate my wardrobe. I’m uncomfortable with my “bingo arms” (amongst other things) but facts are facts. And the fact that it’s 197° outside cannot be ignored. Comfort takes precedence over flabby arms.

Something always seems to happen once I leave the safety of my home and I get out in the real world. My image becomes somehow distorted. I caught sight of my reflection walking past a plate glass window and saw what I was wearing and I thought, “Good Lord! What WAS I thinking?”

Perhaps it was the intense heat frying my brain cells on the long walk to the church from the parking lot. (Geez, could they have put that parking lot any farther from the front door!) Melting with each and every step I started feeling like warm Play-Doh being squeezed through a garlic press, as all of my excess body weight jiggled and stretched through the sleeves of my tank top.

The friction of my tree-trunk thighs rubbing together with each and every stride brought me one step closer to spontaneously combusting. My discomfort increased and was directly proportionate to the amount of sweat clinging to the folds of excess skin – that was displayed in a flesh-baring tank top and flowing flowery skirt.

For me the challenge was not to look in a mirror for the entire evening. Denial goes a long way as salve for my bruised ego, which had convinced me I looked completely retarded in my summer ensemble. Ignoring the call of Mother Nature and the pressure on my bladder worked as a powerful deterrent keeping me from the bathroom which was lined with full-length mirrors. Seeing my jiggly flesh oozing out of the sleeve holes of my tank top reflecting back at me was denial personified and an adventure in torture I’d rather skip. So I held it - no bathroom break for me.

I survived the evening and made it home in one puddle of melting sweaty oozing jiggling flesh. When I walked through the door, my husband kissed me hello and gave me that suggestive look and told me, “Man, you look hot!”

Of course I knew what he meant, but it’s that compliment thing and those simple words of thank-you that cannot be forced passed my disbelieving lips. Choking back the polite, requisite, thank-you, honey, I responded with, “Of course I look hot. It’s 187° degrees outside!”

Denial … the multi-purpose dysfunction, works in so many situations.

Heat, ma’am! It was so dreadful here, that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones. ~Sydney Smith, Lady Holland’s Memoir

4 For the LORD has told me this: “I will watch quietly from my dwelling place—as quietly as the heat rises on a summer day, or as the morning dew forms during the harvest.” Isaiah 18:4 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, thank you for life’s blessings, even the heat of a Phoenix summer day which reminds me that you are in control. Help me not give in to whining and complaining and always keep my cool in even the midst of this long hot summer. I love you and thank you for the pleasure of serving you. Continue to watch over me and direct my steps. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I spent an hour in the pool today swimming laps and doing some simple water aerobics. When I was finished I couldn’t believe how thirsty I was. I’d spent so much time in the pool all my digits were sufficiently pruney. I had water in my ears and my eyes stung from the chlorine, but yet I was really thirsty. That doesn’t even make sense to me.

Oddly enough I was watching a program on TV this morning on nutrition. The host mentioned that 70% of our bodies are made up of water, which is why it’s so important to stay properly hydrated and to drink plenty of water throughout our day.

The benefits of drinking at least 64 ounces of water each day are endless. Drinking a large glass of water before mealtime helps fill your stomach and keeps you from overeating. Obviously because we’re eliminating our water supply throughout the day through sweating or urination, it’s important to put the water back into our bodies. Especially during hot summer months when we’re perspiring more than usual simply walking back and forth to our cars.

For me, I have a serious addiction to diet soda and that tends to be my drink of choice. Drinking the recommended amount of water each day is far easier in the summer than it is in the winter. I really struggle during that time of the year to get my fill of water. If you’re like me and you find drinking plain old water a challenge, you may need to get creative.

There are many varieties of single serving drink flavorings available that you can add to a bottle of water. Many are sugar-free and even contain extra vitamins or nutrients to give you a little boost. Drinking tea is a healthier alternative to drinking soda, but because tea is a diuretic you’re eliminating as quickly as you take it in, so keep your tea consumption to a minimum. Green tea and/or decaf are also healthier alternatives.

We get water from many of the food sources we eat such as fresh fruits. However, there’s no substitute for simply drinking water throughout the day, as the fruit contains natural sugars and carbs and of course they do have calories as well.

Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink a glass of water. By that time, it may be too late and you may be on the verge of dehydration. I never go anywhere without a jumbo glass of ice water with me – especially living in Arizona. My giant vat of ice water is part of my everyday ensemble.

I’m still having a hard time resisting my addiction to diet soda but I try to limit my consumption to one or two a week rather than every single day. Some addictions are harder to break than others – and that diet soda thing is a killer for me. But I’m learning to appreciate an ice cold glass of water; especially after walking to and from the mailbox and it’s 112 outside.

Don’t underestimate the benefits of water … it does a body good. Don’t leave home without it.

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. ~Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732

1 As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. 2 I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? Psalm 42:1-2 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thirst after you and I seek your favor. Thank you for providing for my needs. May I be filled with your love, your spirit, your wisdom and your knowledge. May I continue to grow and mature in the things of the Lord each and every day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.