Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

While I was on vacation this past weekend we were staying in a hotel that offered free continental breakfast every morning. Being married to a man who is the embodiment of the “If it’s free it’s for me,” philosophy of life, you can bet your bottom dollar that we take full advantage of free anything – especially meals.

If I haven’t gone on record as saying that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day – let me say it now – breakfast absolutely is my favorite meal of the day. Unfortunately it’s also one of the toughest meals of the day to keep low calorie and healthy, especially when dining out. And when it’s free and continental that usually implies pastries, muffins and bread of every variety; all of which are my very own special Achilles heel foods.

While my travelling companions loaded their plates with piles of eggs, bacon and/or sausages, biscuits and gravy, I was contemplating filling the extra compartments of my purse with blueberry muffins and cinnamon rolls. I know free and continental implies you eat it there – but I’m given to the notion that I can only eat so much in one sitting and I’m sure I’ll need that muffin later in the morning.

In my defense, I really did do my best to avoid the breakfast meats and breads, opting for eggs, one piece of whole wheat toast and fruit. But there’s something so inherently wrong with the very idea of passing up fresh cinnamon rolls when the smell alone is enough to fell even the most stalwart of health conscious individuals. But resist I did.

Over the course of four mornings and four free breakfasts, I did swipe two muffins that I did consume at a later point throughout my day. I’m not gonna lie to you – I did nibble on a small piece of a cinnamon roll, but I made allowances by eating lighter the rest of the day. I refuse to exchange one type of bondage for another. I have been liberated from the guilt I once felt with regards to food.

I am making progress and eating better and this trip showed me that I can go on vacation without making everything about my next meal. I carefully selected healthier choices and split everything I ate at each meal with someone else, so I consumed half of what I normally would eat. I balanced smaller meals with activity and exercise; although with my knee limitations, I wasn’t able to walk as much as I would have liked to.

Progress is progress no matter how small. As long as I’m moving forward rather than backwards, I see this as a successful vacation in the fact that I didn’t gain 7 – 10 pounds which is the average for the typical vacationer. Those are numbers I’m no longer willing to live with. I’m happy to report I maintained my weight loss with no gain during this vacation and that’s a statistic I’m great with! God is so very good!

Vacation used to be a luxury, but in today’s world it has become a necessity. ~Author Unknown

1 For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. 2 Corinthians 5:1-3 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to get away to rest and restore my mind, my body and my spirit. I thank you for the pleasure of spending time with people I love who refresh me and make me laugh. Thank you for the victory of not over-indulging while I was away. Thank you for all that I’ve learned about myself and my food addictions in the last few months. Help me continue to move forward and make progress and put into practice all that you are teaching me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

In the last many months God has been doing a tremendous housecleaning job with my heart and my attitude. Nothing has been left untouched. God has very meticulously opened every hidden closet in my heart and mind and swept everything clean; no more cobwebs in the basement or the attic. I feel as though He’s thrown open every window and door and flooded my house with light; exposing everything I’d worked decades to keep hidden in the dark.

I’ve had a giant emotional yard sale and eliminated a lot of the useless clutter stockpiling in my head and my heart and I’m ready to set up house in a brand new space and start fresh. I feel pounds lighter by having eliminated a lot of those old worn out attitudes.

Now that my head and my heart have been de-cluttered and I’m going to start redecorating at some point, I need to make sure that I’m filling the spaces with only things that are pure, honorable and lovely and true (Philippians 4:8).

After spending some quiet time in God’s presence and His Word this morning I’m awestruck by how I’m interpreting every scripture that I read so differently now. Because I feel so differently about myself I’m finally at a place where I no longer despise who I am, the words of Scripture are healing my spirit like a soothing balm.

As I read Psalm 139 this morning I was tickled to finally grasp the knowledge that there is nothing that God doesn’t know about me. The mere fact that He saw me before I was born and He loved me even knowing that I would be messed up in the head for most of my life with regards to my self-esteem – He still chose to love me.

For all of the years that I felt unloved and unworthy God loved me faithfully even though I was too stupid to grasp that concept. This freedom is like being born-again again. I’ve read the Bible through year after year for the last dozen years and I know what the Scriptures say, but yet I’d somehow let the enemy convince me that the words of Scripture were for everyone but me.

I am my Father’s chosen, loved and precious daughter. Those parts of my personality that I have despised are characteristics that He specifically gave to me to make me unique. If we are believers in Christ we are the offspring of God (Acts 17:28). We’ve got parts of His DNA.

He gives to each of us a little part of himself so that all of us together make up the Body of Christ. He purposely created us to be individuals but yet so many of us try to be like somebody else because we don’t like who we are.

Trying to dress like someone else, cut our hair like someone else, emulating someone’s mannerisms or any of the other things we do to be like someone we wish we were is a waste of time. We need to dare to be ourselves and make no excuses for the things we don’t like about ourselves. If we are doing something that is displeasing to God; trust that He will let us know about it and then give us the grace to change. Otherwise, we need to be who God created us to be – simply, uniquely us.

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. ~Raymond Hull

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that I’m finally free to be me and I no longer have to live under a mantle of shame and guilt and self-loathing. I pray that each day you give me what I need to be who you designed me to be. Stretch me and mold me and help me to walk in confidence rather than living in fear. Thank you for knitting me together just as I am and for loving me. Help me to accept that I cannot be perfect, but you only expect me to be the person that I can be according to the design You have for me. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

My husband and I spent a few days out of town celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. (Trying to post my blog from a hotel lobby and their free internet access was somewhat challenging, but I say kudos to me for posting anything at all!)

I’ve been blessed to be married to a man who has loved me for the last 23 years in spite of the fact that I’m a very moody, emotionally, hormonally charged woman. Loving me hasn’t always been fun or easy for him for all of that time, but I’d wager it’s been entertaining on more than one occasion.

One of the best things about my husband is that during our 23 years (plus one extra for dating) he’s seen my weight fluctuate from an all time low on our wedding day of 128 pounds up to nearly 200 pounds during pregnancy and menopause.

In all that time he’s NEVER been unkind or unloving towards me with regards to my weight. In fact he’s insisted that he’s more in love with me today than when we married all those years ago when I was at my thinnest.

For him love is not based on the external. He’s never seen me as anything less than the most beautiful woman in the world, to quote him. When I married him I’d been out of a previous marriage for a couple of years and barely had any self-esteem to speak of. And what I did have was so low; I slunk around with my chin practically dragging on the ground.

The fact that he saw beyond that and could love me when I had zero self-esteem, no self-confidence and was so completely introverted is a testament to a faithful man of God following after the Lord. He loved me when I was so completely unlovable and that proved difficult and challenging for me. I was certain there was something wrong with him because I thought I wasn’t worth loving. I was sure he was one of those weird chubby chaser guys (a man who loves fat women).

Even though I wasn’t anywhere near fat when we met and married I carried that ugly little fat girl image of myself and thought my husband was a man not to be trusted. The idea of him loving someone as unattractive as me was so ridiculous and preposterous to me. I was sure he’d turn out to be an abusive and controlling sicko and wind up on America’s Most Wanted. Boy did I ever have issues!

Sometimes I marvel at my husband’s commitment to me and our marriage. He has never wavered in his love for me even though I spent quite a few years pushing him away to simply prove that I’d been right about him all along.

I’m so grateful that he’s stuck with me in spite of my weirdness and my idiosyncrasies. Were it not for his deep relationship with Christ, I’m certain I would have driven him off in the first five years of our marriage. It’s only because he made a covenant with Christ to love me as Christ loved the church that he’s been able to love me unconditionally.

He was always supportive of my decision to be a stay-at-home mother for all these years. He is by far my greatest supporter and cheerleader with regards to my writing career. He has loved me thin and he has loved me fat; he has loved me sane and he has loved me crazy. He has loved me at my worst, my ugliest and everything in between and I am blessed beyond measure.

My husband Bob is the best man I know and one of the most Godly people I’ve ever met. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve to be loved by a man such as him. Through the love of my husband, God has shown me the complete all-consuming love of Christ.

I lived the first 30 years of my life convinced I was as unlovable as one human being could possibly be. In the last 23 years God has shown me the love of a Heavenly Father, the love of His Son, Jesus Christ and the love of an amazing man of God. God has restored to me what the enemy tried to steal from me and I am loved beyond measure. It doesn’t get much better than that!

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord thank you for the gift of such a wonderful, loving husband. I pray that you will grant us many happy years to come. Help me to love him as unconditionally and thoroughly as he has loved me. Help us to continue to keep You at the center of our great union. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Oy … it’s been an extraordinarily long day and my intestinal track has now been pushed beyond the bounds of human decency -not to mention I’ve been hanging out with children all day! Not actual children, mind you but a bunch of grownups who behave like children and seem to find humor in bodily functions and fart noises.

On the bright side, I spent an amazing day outside, communing with nature enjoying the weather, the sights, smells and sounds of lovely scenery. Too much walking however has pushed me beyond my recuperative abilities and I’m enjoying a brief respite off my feet, soaking up some silence.

I’d mentioned a couple days ago that for years I had such low self-esteem that wherever I’d go I’d size up the crowd to determine if I was the fattest or ugliest girl present. I’ve been healed by the power of God from the self-esteem issues, but now I find myself sizing up the crowd to see if anyone is as handicapped as I am.

It has totally sucked not being able to walk like a normal person the last few weeks. Babies can walk for crying out loud, but I currently seem to be unable to walk without regular pain. My knee surgery recovery is not going as well as I’d hoped or expected and I’m starting to wander over to the dark side of despair.

It’s so easy to take for granted normal every day activities like eating, walking, sleeping, etc. but if for some reason you are prohibited from doing any of these “normal” activities because of health issues - you start to have a greater appreciation for the simple, “normal” things of life – like walking!

At some point during the day I had to stop and sit down because my knee literally gave out. I took a break to sit on a bench in the middle of a beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers of every imaginable color. I listened to the wind blowing through the pine trees and hearing the sounds of birds calling and I was reminded of how great our God is. The colors in His nature palette are so brilliant and spectacular; the varieties of birds, plants, trees and animals so amazing I instantly felt the comfort of my Heavenly Father.

Yes, I’m frustrated because my knee isn’t back to normal after three weeks and I have pain when walking - BUT I serve an awesome God who takes the time to create such unique beauty and cares about even the tiniest of His creatures - how can I think for a moment that He isn’t part of my recovery and purposely slowing me down because the body that HE designed needs sufficient time to heal.

How can I think that a God who created the sun, the moon, the Grand Canyon, the oceans, magnificent animals and oh yes - ME, how can I doubt His power to heal me and also teach me life lessons along the journey.

Yes, my God is good and I’m grateful when He takes the time to remind me of the futility of worrying about how long my recovery will take. It will take as long as it takes because He is always in control!

Look at the ravens. They don’t need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to our life? Of course not! And if worry can’t do little things like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? Luke 12:24-26 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord for daily reminders that you are ALWAYS in control and I need to chill out and trust you and stop worrying about things I have no control over. I love you and thank you for life’s many blessings. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I’m on a short mini vacation the rest of this week. Vacations are great for so many reasons but I’m not gonna lie to you - it’s been extremely challenging to eat healthy and keep my calories under control.

If the tightness of my pants is any indication, I’m failing miserably. But the good news is - I’m having a great time. We are with our kids and other family members and in the grand scheme of life two or three days of eating things I don’t normally eat isn’t going to hurt me a lot.

In my defense I’m doing a lot of walking but the bad news is my poor knee is paying the price and I’m starting to shuffle along like a little old lady. I’m sure I must be burning tons of calories because it’s a Herculean effort to keep up with everyone else. I’ve been the butt of many jokes because I am moving so slowly - but the key is movement of any sort is better than the alternative.

Because I have changed my diet so radically over the last few months, eating a lot of junk is no longer as fun as it used to be. I’m inhaling Tums like they were Tic Tacs followed up by Pepto shooters. I’m not overly concerned that I will fall back into old habits because the stomach aches simply aren’t worth it.

Overall my vacation is not only been a wonderful respite from everyday stress and life, but it’s opened my eyes to the fact that God has brought me so far. Hopefully by the time I take my next vacation I’ll be able to say “no” to all french fries and … oh yeah, the “to die for pie.” But - what are vacations for if not for an occasional piece of pie.

Oh give thanks unto to the Lord for His mercy endures forever!

For most of my early childhood years I was raised predominately by a single working mother. My mother was also full-blooded Sicilian. I think Sicilians are raised from birth with the words “eat – eat … you’re so thin” tattooed on their dominant hands used for wielding eating utensils. Okay, maybe that’s not true for ALL Sicilians but it seemed that way with all of my relatives.

That fact that I was born nearly seven weeks prematurely just prompted my family to feed me extra because I had so much catching up to do. Is it any wonder I struggled with my weight from a very early age?

My mother often worked two jobs to keep food on the table for her three children, so we were taught never to waste food. She was also a card-carrying member of the Clean Your Plate Club because after all her generation were experts at heaping guilt on the children of my generation because of all the starving kids in China. In retrospect now that I’m a mother and a grandmother myself I fail to see the significance of how my siblings and I eating everything on our plates in America would in any way help those poor starving kids in China. But good Sicilian Catholic guilt covers a lot of ground so we did as we were told.

I currently have an acquaintance who is a young single mother raising her daughter with the help of her Italian mother. It’s so difficult to sit back and watch this young mother who is battling her own weight issues use food as comfort and for soothing her two-year-old child.

When the little girl is angry, their response is “Good Lord, give her a cookie so she’ll quit screaming!” When she falls and hurts herself, same sort of a response: “Here, Baby have a piece of cake to make your boo boo all better.” When she’s tired and cranky because she needs a nap rather than encouraging her to lie down and rest, their response is to give her food to settle her.

Everything inside of me is screaming at them, “WAKE UP AND SMELL THE WEIGHT WATCHER ECLAIRS! CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO THIS CHILD?” But because I’m a card-carrying member of the MYOB Club (Mind Your Own Business) I keep my mouth shut.

It’s so easy to cast aspersions when we see others doing things we don’t agree with, but I’m not going to lie to you – in the past I’ve done many of those same things with all of my children and my grandson. I used food to comfort and soothe because that’s what I was taught as I’m sure my parents were taught from their parents.

My friend is responding to her child the way she was raised.

We’re stuck in these vicious generational cycles that are so unhealthy but we continue in them because it’s what we know.

Because this young mother is really only a casual acquaintance I’m not comfortable sticking my nose in her business. I can’t fix everyone, but I can do something about me. I still fight that urge to use food to fix my kids’ problems. Old habits die hard. And of course, I still fight the urge to use food to comfort myself when I’m stressed, anxious or depressed.

How do we change the world … one cookie at a time! Anything you stop feeding – eventually dies, including our fleshly desires so we’ve got to stop feeding our emotions!

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. ~Author unknown

Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously. Isaiah 55:7 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you that I am working on changing the way I think about food. Help me to never use food as an idol and only use food as nourishment. Help me to mind my own business when I need to, but help me be open to being used as an example if I can be of help to someone who is struggling. I ask all these things in your name Lord Jesus. Amen.

Today is one of those days I have to ask myself if I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction of my former comfort zone. For most of life I would never have considered leaving my house without fixing my hair or applying makeup. As of late, I’ve gotten so comfortable with the woman I am at this weight and with or without makeup that I’ve gotten in the habit of shopping with little or no makeup.

Today I had to run a few errands and pick my grandson up from school. Because I knew I’d be coming home and swimming this afternoon, I barely fixed my hair and settled for a quick swipe of mascara across my lashes – calling it good in the makeup department.

Of all days to be neglectful! I arrived at school 25 minutes early to secure a primo parking space and to spend some quiet time reading a book. I’d no sooner turned the engine off and got comfortable when I kid you not – a television reporter from a local station sidled up to my window asking permission to interview me for tonight’s news broadcast. Something to do with the excessive heat and making sure the kids have plenty of water, blah, blah, blah … honestly the topic barely registered with me.

All I could think of was “Holy schnikeys, my hair looks like crap today and I have next to no makeup on!” I quickly declined the reporters request explaining that I was just a grandma filling in for today’s early release pickup and I wasn’t a proper authority on the comings and goings of the students at the school.

Whew, I barely dodged that bullet! Somehow seeing my freckled, wrinkled face sans makeup and tousled spiky hair splattered across my 62” TV screen held little or no appeal for me today!

I make no excuses for who or what I am these days. For the first time in my life I’m completely comfortable with myself. Take or leave it. However, I do feel a certain obligation to try and look presentable out in public because whether I like it or not, as a believer in Christ Jesus I am still an ambassador for the body of Christ. (At least my clothes were presentable and I didn’t go out in public in my painting clothes!)

Being comfortable with ourselves is great but we also need to remember that these vessels that God has entrusted to us are precious and we have a responsibility to maintain them to the best of our ability. That doesn’t mean wearing designer clothes and buying expensive makeup or hair care products. It simply means that we do the best we can with what we’ve been given.

Today’s lesson for me was I’d drifted slightly too far over in the opposite direction and upset my balance. We must have balance in everything! I’m not going to change overly much in the other direction again, but in the future I will make sure that I try to be camera ready should the need arise. For me that means an extra swipe of mascara, blusher on my cheek bones and hair gel or hair spray and voila … I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille!

Learn to… be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for this new found peace I have with myself. As I enjoy this new freedom, help me to continually live in balance in every area of my life and do my best to be your ambassador so I will never bring shame to the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I love you Lord and ask all these things in your name. Amen.

I used to do this thing where I’d walk into a room – it didn’t matter where – and automatically I’d scan the room to determine if I was the fattest or ugliest girl there. Even at my heaviest I never weighed more than 175 pounds but for some reason I saw my reflection as 300+ pounds. Realistically I knew I wasn’t that heavy nor even that ugly, but that “fat ugly girl” mentality followed me my entire life.

Most of us don’t see ourselves as others see us and any woman can tell you that all mirrors are not created equal. I can spend an hour picking out the perfect outfit and primping on my hair and makeup and look in the mirror and think I look pretty good. All it takes to unravel those good feelings is to have one person look at you the wrong way and instantly you become the ugly duckling in the blink of an eye.

Or worse yet – someone will innocently comment on your outfit or your hairstyle with a simple, “My, that’s an interesting color on you,” and just like that you’re back to being the ugliest fattest girl at the party, or the one who’s always picked last in gym class. Oh, wait … maybe that’s just me.

It’s taken me decades to get past that ugly duckling image I have of myself. I can trace this ugly little fat girl image all the way back to the time I was 15 and someone wanted to set me up on a blind date. My friend was dating a guy who had a friend that needed fixing up. This guy was, how can I say this nicely … a little facially challenged. (But hey, weren’t we all in our awkward teens years?) My friend used every trick in the book to get me to agree to this blind date, tippy toeing past all my inquiries as to what this guy looked like.

She wouldn’t come right and say the guy was a Lee brother (as in ug-ly or home-ly), but there it was. Finally my friend, desperate to have her way bluntly told me, “You aren’t exactly in any position to be picky, you know? Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

I know it’s been nearly 40 years since that occurred, and I’m hard-pressed to understand how my mind fixates on something so insignificant that happened so long ago and should have meant nothing to a “normal” well-balanced and secure person. Clearly I was none of those things at the age of 15 and I’m not gonna lie to you – that scarred me for life.

I don’t understand why the human brain is more willing to hold on to the negative things rather than replaying those positive life-affirming moments. Oh wait – again – maybe that’s just ME!

The good news is my ugly duckling, fat girl image has been laid to rest and I vow never to resurrect her again. As part of my healing process in the 12-step program, I even went so far as to confront my friend from decades past as we still maintain contact. The sad thing is – she didn’t remember ever saying those things to me and barely remembered either the guy she was dating or his facially challenged friend.

I’ve got to stop and ask myself how many people out there are holding onto bad memories that dog them day after day, defining their idiosyncrasies and keep them from enjoying life to the fullest. I’ll wager it’s more than you imagine.

If we’re holding onto an offense that’s longer than about 20 minutes old, we’re setting ourselves up for trouble with a Capital “T.” Buried anger and hurt eats away at us like a cancer, poisoning our minds and robbing us of joy. I’m a classic example. Seriously I spent nearly 40 years of my life letting one careless incident define me as an ugly duckling? What an incredible waste! And what’s worse, I was the only one that suffered as the person responsible had no memory of it at all, so she wasn’t hurt by it, only me. I CHOSE to replay that incident and let it define me my whole life. Again … what an incredible waste!

This is where that let go and let God theology really kicks in. I refuse to waste one more minute of my life letting the words of others hurt me. Sticks and stones and all that … I KNOW who I am and I KNOW I am chosen by God. It doesn’t matter what ANYONE else thinks, so there, take that!

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, thank you that you see my heart and don’t judge me by my outward appearance. Help me to see others in the same fashion you see us. Thank you for inner emotional healing and helping me to walk in forgiveness and love. May I continue to mature and grow in wisdom and knowledge daily. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I battle occasional anxiety and rely on a mild anti-anxiety medication when the need arises. Today was one of those days when for no apparent reason, I awoke with anxiety. I’m not even sure how it happens but even when all my ducks are in a row and life is good externally – I still have this internal sense of doom and gloom and a general sky is falling state of mind. I hate it when that happens!

Anxiety can be tough to live with on a regular basis. The fact that pharmaceutical companies sell millions of dollars worth of anti-anxiety drugs each year should be a clue that millions of people continue to struggle with anxiety.

It used to be I’d combat the anxiety with stacks of Oreos and other assorted junk foods. Now that I’ve got a fairly good grasp on my food addictions, I find myself in somewhat unfamiliar territory and given more to total abstinence now. Somehow I managed to go from being out of balance and eating too much to not wanting to eat anything. Clearly both scenarios are unhealthy and I’ve got some work to do to maintain a HEALTHY balance of eating.

Trying to identify what is the core cause of the anxiety is every bit as important as identifying my eating triggers. After taking an inventory of what I suspect is the root cause of my anxiety, I’ve narrowed the field and got a handle on the culprit or culprits as there are actually a couple of things brewing in my head.

Identifying the problem doesn’t fix the problem but at least I know in what direction to attack now. I opened my Bible and I’ve been reading the Psalms in the Old Testament and 1 Corinthians in the New Testament for the last couple of weeks.

Skeptics’ poo poo the idea of the Word of God as being practical or relevant to today’s issues and often accuse Christians of using their religion as a crutch. Frankly I don’t care what the skeptics say and not only do I use the Word of God and my relationship with Jesus Christ as a crutch - meaning my faith supports me - BUT I use my faith as the whole darn hospital and not just a crutch. I KNOW from personal experience that the Word of God is very practical and relevant to MY life.

As I read, reread and meditated on the words of the Psalms I felt a calming in my spirit – the likes of which I’ve never felt from Xanax. As I listed my problems, I followed everything I spoke with: Blessed be the name of the Lord forever and ever. (Psalm 113:2). After 30 minutes of speaking out my problems and speaking out loud Psalm 117:1-2 and Psalm 118:1 I felt refreshed.

In the future, when I feel that sky is falling anxiety creeping up on me I’ve decided I can find relief by speaking scripture six to eight times daily taken as needed for pain and relief from stress.

1 Praise the LORD, all you nations. Praise him, all you people of the earth. 2 For he loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! 1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. Psalm 117:1-2 – Psalm 118:1 (NLT)

Stress is the trash of modern life - we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life. ~Terri Guillemets

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the promises in your Word. I thank you that when I feel anxious, stressed or defeated I can turn to You and Your Word. Your Spirit lifts me and gives me hope. Help me to always remember to pray first before I give into worry or fear. I love you Lord and thank you for the many blessings I enjoy and I thank you for the Holy Word of God. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Now that we’ve finally pushed the kids from the comfort of the nest there’ve been a few minor changes at home. We’ve been doing some long overdue spring cleaning. Although if you do that spring cleaning at the end of summer I’m not sure if it can in fact be labeled spring cleaning. So we’ll simply call it down-sizing.

We’ve been tossing things out; donating items to charity and passing along hand-me-downs to the kids. I seem to have this burning desire to de-clutter my house. Perhaps de-cluttering is a symptom of menopause the same way nesting is a symptom of pregnancy. Who knows?

I must confess though, my favorite aspect of this empty nest thing has got to be mealtimes. I love the fact that people aren’t traipsing through the house assaulting me with quick fire inquiries of what’s for dinner tonight? It’s even nicer that I don’t have to listen to a litany of complaints vocalizing Yuck! I don’t like that!

I had toast and fruit for dinner last night; a bowl of cereal the previous night. My husband is an easy-going kind of guy and he was happy with a burrito and/or a cheese crisp each night. As long as he can eat anything covered in cheese and salsa, he’s a relatively happy camper. Good–ness but I love this empty nest thing!

Now that my knee is slowly healing, I’ve been reintroducing some simple exercises into my daily routine. I’m back in the pool and have started going for short walks again. Plus I’m sure all of this furniture moving and packing up old crap has got to be good for burning some kind of calories. My days are now my own and it’s a blessing to be able to set my schedule according to ME rather than carpools and after-school activities and sporting events.

Overall, the depression I was worried would dog me once the kids were gone has been non-existent –which is a huge praise report. I have a natural propensity for depression, not to mention I’m certain there’s some sort of long-standing family curse on my bloodline for generations past so keeping the darkness at bay is a major victory in my life.

I can’t help but think that the main reason I’m not dealing with depression is because over the last few months I’ve come to accept who I am; I’ve come to like myself and I’m satisfied and happy with my life in general. For years I dreamed of reaching this pinnacle in my life, but I’d convinced myself contentment was an illusion that the severely depressed and overweight were incapable of achieving this side of Heaven.

Spiritual maturity goes a long way in combating the lies of the enemy. Happiness and contentment has absolutely NOTHING to do with what I weigh – yet for DECADES I let the devil convince me the opposite was true.

Perhaps it’s fitting that now that I am an official empty nester, as I begin this next chapter in my life, I have a unique opportunity to start absolutely fresh in more than just a de-cluttered house, but a de-cluttered mind that’s filled with peace, self-confidence and inner contentment.

God is so amazing and finally coming to a place where I can dedicate serious time to Him to pray, meditate and read His Word has clearly been the catalyst for this newfound peace. What a shame we have to wait until we’re “old” to appreciate the concept of time – for it’s when we are younger that we have more of it, but spend it carelessly. When we are older and time is in short supply, we take advantage of every spare minute to fill that time with things that really matter - like prayer. Give it a try, it’s amazing!

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them. ~Dion Boucicault

4 “LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered-how fleeting my life is. 5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Psalm 39:4-5 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I ask that you would help me to spend my time wisely and to enjoy even the little things. May I operate in the gifts of the spirit each and every day and help me to make the most of opportunities afforded me. May I never become complacent and always have a desire to learn, grow and improve myself during whatever time I have left here on Earth. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

My husband and I went to a MLB game last night. We were generously given high dollar tickets right behind home plate where the rich and famous hang out. The game overall was pretty boring, but I had a fabulous time people watching how the other half live as the view from that perspective was quite different from the seats we normally get in the nose bleed section.

My first reaction was that I was surprised by how much money people are willing to spend on food and beverages for the simple pleasure of not having to leave your seat. Being a natural born penny pincher as I was taught to be from birth, I’d much rather traverse hundreds of steps to save a couple of bucks. One other observation I took notice of was the more alcohol these high-dollar patrons consumed, the quicker the waitress returned to sell them additional high dollar snacks.

One family sitting in front of us brought their two young children with them, ages I guessed to be around two and four and mom was very obviously pregnant with number three. Between the four of them, they were sitting in $600.00 worth of seats, so I had to wonder if they were “regulars” or if like us, they were schmoozing as a result of someone’s generosity.

Interestingly, I caught a glimpse of myself in this young mother and how I was about 15 years ago when it came to meal time.

They spent a small fortune on meals for everyone after they were first seated. Dad consumed a foot long cheesy condiment covered hot dog in record time while mom carefully pulled apart tiny bite-sized pieces of chicken fingers for the two-year old. The four-year-old had a hot dog and fries.

The similarity I recognized in this young mother was the fact that she consumed the uneaten remains of her children’s meals. In all probability they’d just spent a ridiculous amount of money on these meals and the portions were too large for the little ones and like any good mother, she didn’t want the food to go to waste so she polished off the fries, a couple of chicken fingers and half a hot dog. In her defense, it didn’t appear as though she bought a meal for herself in all likelihood assuming she’d finish the leftovers. Unlike me, who ALWAYS had my own meal and then finished all of my kids’ leftovers. Yeesh! No wonder I have weight issues!

About an hour later my husband and I trekked up hundreds of stairs to get frozen yogurt and trekked back down hundreds of steps to our high dollar seats to enjoy our relatively low-fat/calorie dessert. The kid working the yogurt kiosk was in a happy mood and even though we ordered small cups, he piled the yogurt on with a “whoops, it just got carried away from me” attitude. (My husband gave him a generous tip because we probably had twice the normal serving in our small cups.)

The kids in front of us saw our frozen concoctions and put in their order for a treat to mom and dad, whereupon daddy quickly swiped his credit card again to have their treats brought right to their seats.

Now I’m an old seasoned mom and I could see the hand-writing on the wall, where these young parents who were probably in their mid-to-late 20s could not. No sooner had their expensive ice cream treats arrived (a pre-packaged ice cream sandwich and a teeny tiny cup of expensive ice cream – both of which looked like they’d been stored in a deep freezer for decades) when the kids took one look at our fluffy, soft-serve yogurt piled high and rejected their own frozen treats.

Naturally no self-respecting mother who’d just spent about $12.00 plus tip on ice cream was going to let the ice cream go to waste, so she did what I would have done (and frequently DID do) she ate both the ice cream sandwich AND the Oreo covered ice cream cup.

Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I used that logic when my kids were growing up, I’d be a wealthy woman now! Not to mention the excess weight I’ve gained over the years is probably a direct result of that well I don’t want to let it go to waste logic. I guess if I were compiling my life do-over/mulligan list that would definitely be up towards the top of the list.

Clearly there’s no sense in crying over spilled milk – or in this case – wasted food, cause the food wasn’t wasted as it most likely ended up on my waist. Live and learn, I always say. I can’t change what was I can only make wise choices TODAY.

I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the years’. ~Henry Moore

16 It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich. 17 For the strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the LORD takes care of the godly. Psalm 37:16-17 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for opportunities to enjoy simple pleasures in life. Help me to find joy in all that I do. I ask that you would help me not to dwell on past mistakes, but to learn from them and move on, gaining wisdom and insight with each opportunity. Help me not to become bitter – but always better. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune to have a bout of nasty stomach flu you find yourself for a couple of days after approaching any and all foods with much trepidation. You tread lightly picking out your next meal and you eat EVERYTHING with extreme caution.

For me I find myself questioning, is it really gone? Is this toast going to make me ralph or spew chunks? Or if you do eat something you carefully scope out the nearest bathroom lest what you’ve eaten should decide to make an unexpected return engagement … the hard way.

I think you get my drift: stomach flu equals yuck and uncomfortable side-effects and once it’s gone you spend time praying “Please Lord, don’t let this come back any time soon.”

Because I’ve lived most of my life being in bondage to food and letting this addiction control every aspect of my life, now that my addiction is solidly controlled, I find myself questioning everyday is it really gone? If I eat one cookie will that trigger a full-fledged binge? Do I really have control of this addiction or is it an illusion?

Nearly every day I wake up and marvel at the fact that my entire attitude towards food has so completely changed. Most of my life was spent in pursuit of my next secret snacking binge or obsessing over how many miles I’d have to walk/run to burn off the calories of my last binge. EVERYTHING in my life revolved around the bathroom scale and pursuit of the ideal weight and freaking out over every pound gained.

I can’t even put into words how great freedom feels. I really do feel as though I’ve been liberated from a self-imposed prison. There is no other explanation for this liberation EXCEPT that God is amazing. It’s impossible for me to pinpoint the exact moment that my release occurred, but there it is. Eight months into this resolution and I’m living without the monkey on my back that choked the joy and life out of me for most of my life.

I had a friend who reached this point in her journey months ago and not only was I jealous of her success, I simply couldn’t understand it. I questioned my own salvation and was given to self-doubt and fear that perhaps God loved her more than He did me. I’m a praying woman, why won’t God step in and help me the way He helped her?

Because we are unique and loved individually by God for who WE are – God has a different plan for each of our lives. Our addictions may mirror one another but the effects of those addictions look and feel differently to each of us. Not only are our breaking points different for when we realize we need help, our moment of victory and liberation looks and feels differently as well.

We don’t need to be jealous over someone else’s success. Rather, we need to surrender completely to God and allow Him to change us according to the plan He has for OUR life.

It almost sounds like an oxymoron, but surrender does lead to freedom. Getting to the point where we’re completely ready to surrender is as individual as we are. Letting go and letting God may sound cliché but it works.

As sad as it sounds, I chose to hold onto my addiction for decades because I didn’t know who I’d be without it. Now that I’ve been released I can say with all honesty I’m sorry I was so stupid and it took so long for me to get a clue.

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. Isaiah 61:1 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the freedom I’m enjoying; may I never take it for granted. I know I’ve come a long way, but still have so far to go. Continue to bless me with wisdom, maturity and insight and may I be used by you to encourage others as I learn and grow. Help me to maintain a positive attitude always. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Yesterday was my birthday. It’s always been kind of a difficult day for me – especially in the years since my parents passed away. Ten years ago for my dad and seven years for my mom. I had very tumultuous relationships with both of my parents and if I were to be honest with myself, I’d have to say that about 75% of all my food related issues can be directly traced back to those early childhood memories living with my parents.

I had a love/hate relationship with my parents. (Please Lord, I HOPE I’m not the only one who feels this way.) The pain and scars that I bear and keep buried way down deep, although it’s lessened over the years, still reminds me it’s there with occasional twinges – kind of like pulling on a strained suture feeling.

Even though I did have difficult relationships with my parents, I could always count on them to call me on my birthday. Regardless of whether I was living thousands of miles from them – and even though they lived on opposite sides of the country from each other – they both still called to wish me a happy birthday.

I can’t help but feel that hollowness in my heart each birthday because it’s been so long since I’ve talked with them. I hate to harp on the life do-over or mulligan thing, but boy I would sure do things differently if I could with regards to my parental relationships.

Both my parents passed away quite suddenly and unexpectedly and I never got that closure thing with either of them. I had so many unresolved issues with both of them. The issues with my mom were by far much larger than those with my dad and for years I simply lived in a state of denial medicating my loss with massive quantities of Oreos rather than anti-depressants.

Now years later, I can speak with a great deal of authority, unresolved pain and issues only intensify once people have died. I’ve had nowhere for this pain and frustration to go for the last 7-10 years, which is why I turned to food in a BIG way after my mother’s death.

Thank goodness for support groups, friends, church involvement and of course, my Lord and Savior – otherwise I’d probably have been locked up on some obscure Shutter Island kind of place, because I was eating myself into a serious depression after my mother died.

Facing our pain and issues IS painful, and probably the reason that so many of us choose to live in denial for so long. Our food addictions (or alcohol or shopping or whatever we turn to) may help mask the pain for a little while, but clearly only makes the problem bigger in the end.

We all know our own breaking point and it comes to each of us at different times in different manners. I’d like to think that most of us get so sick and tired of carting around our emotional baggage that we will do anything to be rid of it. Pity that it’s not as easy to lose our emotional baggage as it is to lose our luggage on a cross-country flight.

My sick and tired breaking point occurred last New Year’s. I set out on my year-long resolution to get healthy and hopefully lose this extra weight. In retrospect, I really was only expecting to become physically healthy. I’m not even sure that I considered that my emotional well-being would be transformed as I started digging up the basement of my buried pain.

But, lo and behold, all of my efforts are paying off as I finally feel emotionally strong these days. Go figure … a journey that started as a simple New Year’s weight loss challenge has changed me from the inside out. Not only am I losing a little weight, I’m discovering who I really am and why I turned to food as a replacement. I guess it goes without saying – but I’ll say it anyway – be careful what you pray for as you might actually get it – and more.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:13-16 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for another blessed year and for all that I’ve learned about myself in the past year. Help me to continue to grow in wisdom and maturity. I pray that you will continue to challenge me so I won’t become stale or stagnant. Help this next year coming up to be the best chapter I’ve written to date. Fill me with love, compassion and an unparalleled excitement for life I’ve not yet experienced. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Since I’ve missed a couple days posting, this current one proved to be very long. Rather than boring anyone with too many words, I opted to split it in half. Here’s the rest of my rainstorm ephipany …

I don’t have a bucket list per se, but I’ve still got a few things left to accomplish this side of heaven. For the longest time achieving that perfect weight (for me that’s the number on my driver’s license) seemed to head that list. Even as I type this I can’t help but shake my head at my own vanity. Even though I’ve come so far on my weight loss journey in the last eight months and I can say with all honesty, I’m finally happy and comfortable with my weight and my body – WHY did I struggle for so many years trying to reach or maintain that number?

So many years wasted in vain pursuit of the wrong things. That’s what I thought most about yesterday as I sat contemplating my life and fretting over an untimely demise. I can’t help but think if life had do-overs or mulligans I’d go back a few decades and spend all the time I spent worrying and pursuing the perfect weight in cultivating relationships with people I love and my relationship with God. Or maybe I would have started writing decades earlier and sold a ton of books by now. Ah, if only …

Obviously there are no mulligans in life, but bless God for birthdays and rainstorms to wash us clean and give us a fresh start.

Yesterday as I was singing the song Hosanna by Paul Baloche (http://www.lyricsty.com/lyrics/p/paul_baloche/hosanna.html) as I sang the words: “cause when we see you we find strength to face the day, In your presence all our fears are washed away, washed away … Hosanna, Hosanna …” it felt as though God was answering me back with well timed lightning and thunder. Even in my fear I knew God was watching over me. Unfortunately I don’t speak thunder so I was left to my own imagination to translate exactly what God was speaking to me.

My weight loss trials have defined me for so long. I’m not sure of the woman I would be if I wouldn’t have traveled all these miles on this one pyschological issue. It’s definitely had a hand in forming me. But still I do feel saddened that I spent so much of my life chasing after the wrong thing. My weight doesn’t define me now. God accepts me as I am, and I finally accept myself as I am. I’m on the right track at long last.

The closer I got to home the storm abated, but dotting the mountains and landscape all around me heavy dark rain clouds hung blocking out the sun’s rays. As I passed an odd shaped peak that bears a striking resemblance to a “thumbs up” gesture, the sun broke through and shone like a spotlight on the giant thumb.

It was all I could do not to drive off the road trying to look back over my shoulder. I was in the high speed lane and wasn’t able to pull over to stop and take a picture because I was certain no one would be believe me if I told them that God cares so much about me that He took the time to send a rainstorm to talk to me and give me His own personal thumbs up.

In that instant with sunlight streaming down like a beacon on that mountain, that was a word from God that I don’t need to worry about the future. I’m done worrying about my weight. I will not obsess and give any more attention in vain pursuit of the wrong things.

I will do my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle and IF weight loss occurs that’s great. If I never lose another pound, that’s okay too. I like me. What really matters is God likes me, in fact, He loves me. All the rest of it like who I am and what is my purpose in this life? That will all work itself out in the end. God gave me His thumbs up yesterday – so I MUST be on the right track.

As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it’s leaning against the right building. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

When he speaks in the thunder, the heavens roar with rain. He causes the clouds to rise over the earth. He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses. Jeremiah 10:13 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you for the storms of life that cause me to reflect. As I begin a new year, help me to learn from my past mistakes; help me to grow and mature and become more of the woman you want me to be; help me to stop chasing after the wrong things and may i engage myself in pursing deeper relationships that will have lasting value. Thank you for all of life’s blessings. Thank you for another birthday! I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It feels like I’ve been away from my computer forever! Because of my last post and subsequent absence, there may be those wondering if I’d succumbed to a giant bag of Cheez Doodles, never to be heard from again. But all is well in my world and the Cheez Doodles were but a momentary lapse in judgment.

I was visiting my kids up north and helping my youngest decorate her apartment and get organized before school starts. It’s easy to take the simple everyday pleasures in life for granted; like cable television, DVRs and the internet – none of which had been connected by the time I left.

Three days of kamikaze shopping, hanging drapes, pictures and searching for inexpensive furniture and artwork, not to mention exsisting on fast food (which was a better alternative than the standard college menu of Top Ramen or PB & Js) and I was more than ready to come home. My digestive tract had reached its limits, plus I missed my own bed, my husband and my dog.

Driving home late yesterday I was forced to navigate my way through one of the scariest thunderstorms I’ve ever seen. Gale force winds buffeted my car while blinding lightning and deafening thunder rocked and rolled all about me. I’ve got to tell you – I think I saw my life flash before my eyes for a few minutes there. It was a scary storm. I was forced to pull over with a few hundred other people as visibility was nil because of the heavy rainfall. I sat singing praise songs to God at the top of my lungs because I was terrified to my very core. Stuff like that makes a girl stop and think about a few things.

As I sat singing and praying for a brief moment I thought it would totally suck to drive over some steep embankment the day before my birthday. Yep, today is my birthday. Everybody’s got to go sometime and I suppose going to be with Jesus within a day or two of your birthday makes it easier for people to mathematically calculate your age at death by the dates on your tombstone – but seriously I had to stop and question whether I was ready to take that kind of journey. Do I have any unfinished business? Would I be ready to meet my maker in a flash?

For the last few weeks (no more like the last couple of years) I’ve been doing that whole who am I and what meaning does my life have soul searching thing. I’ve been questioning my importance on planet Earth now that my full time job as mother has been down-sized. Birthdays (and terrifying rainstorms) are often time for reflection – at least for me. I have a tendency to do that inventory thing itemizing all I’ve accomplished in the last year versus what is left on my ultimate To Do list.

Hmm … makes you think …

I’m ashamed to admit it, but yesterday I did something I’m not proud of. I took a doodle dive – as in Cheez Doodles. I’m not going to lie to you; it wasn’t pretty. I left enough doodle dust carnage in my wake to cover a small country. Well okay, maybe not quite that much but at least a sizable town in Middle America.

I’m not even sure how it began or what brought me to senses to make it stop. Near as I can figure what triggered my sudden nosedive into a medium size bag of Cheez Doodles was the sight of my youngest daughter driving away yesterday – her car packed full to overflowing, heading off to college and her new life 120 miles away from Mom and Dad. I mean it’s not like I’m never going to see her again. I’m going up later today to spend a couple of days with her to help her organize her apartment.

I kept telling myself all week “You can do this, you’ve done it before. I sent all my kids off to college last year. It’s not the end of the world.” And even though this daughter and I butt heads more often that were are completely simpatico - I felt such a hollow void in my gut watching her drive away.

Silly me thinking that Cheeze Doodles could ever fill the void of a child going away to college. But trust me on this because I know what I’m talking about from past personal experience, when your heart is aching you’ll pretty much throw anything at it to stop the pain. Apparently yesterday’s pain needed Cheez Doodles. Go figure.

Luckily at some point my head sent enough signals to my heart and my flesh commanding me to stop the insanity before I crossed the threshold of no return. Staring down at my day-glow orange fingers encrusted with a good half-inch layer of doodle dust was like watching myself from some sort of bizarre out-of-body experience.

Good Lord! Who is that crazy woman foaming orange at the mouth?

I’ve had enough experience in bingeing bonanzas and proper protocol for the dazed and confused behavior of the significantly depressed to know how to respond. You simply get up, dust the crumbs and carnage from your chest, locate a good cleaning solvent to sand-blast the evidence from your fingers, you brush your teeth banishing the taste of your debauchery from your mouth and you move forward.

Unlike binges of days gone by, I will not beat myself up and I refuse to feel guilt over my momentary lapse in judgment. I know that this incident was an isolated circumstantial situation and now that my last child is officially gone from the house, I’m doing a thorough house cleaning one more time and discarding any and all fodder for future potential binges. Good-bye and good riddance.

My next chapter begins today and I’m believing it will be one of the greatest chapters of my life to date.

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. ~Author Unknown

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I humbly ask forgiveness for my brief meltdown yesterday. Help me to move past this incident and look towards the future with excitement for the next phase in my life. Help me to take advantage of my empty nest by using this time for me to focus on getting healthy, meeting my goals and developing a closer walk with you. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

After ten days of no exercise I finally got to dive right in today – literally and figuratively as I went for a long swim this afternoon. Ten days of sutures and wrapping my leg up in layers of plastic wrap just to shower and I was anxious to observe normal showering routines today as well as a relaxing swim.

I’m not complaining mind you as I’m fortunate to have hot and cold running water and the ability to shower at all. It was somewhat problematic to truss my leg up like Thanksgiving leftovers for 10 long days, but the time was short-lived and will quickly be forgotten.

I got a clean bill of health from the doctor with a note of caution. Since I never knew what caused my meniscus to tear in the first place it’s unlikely that I can keep from doing the same thing again in the future. Normal wear and tear on 50-something year-old-joints and things are going to droop, sag, hang, tear, snap, crackle and pop. What are you gonna do?

Because I do have quite a bit of arthritis in my bum knee, I’ve had to come to the realization that my “running” days are officially behind me. But let’s be brutally honest; with my behind being the size that it is, running was never high on my priority list. I’m thankful that I’ve been cleared for normal exercise and fitness activities like walking, biking and swimming.

Perhaps a paranoid person would be tempted to slack off altogether and simply eliminate exercise from their life since there’s no guarantee this injury won’t recur. I can’t afford to become a paranoid woman and remove myself from anything that might cause injury. Life’s too short and I’m still 30 pounds from my goal weight and I can’t afford to slack off the exercise entirely. I’ve genuinely missed exercising and my daily endorphin power surges.

That doesn’t mean I won’t be using common sense from here on out. It’s unlikely you’ll spot me next door at the track running bleachers and doing wind sprints. For me it’s best to start small and try short walks and short bike rides before I jump into anything more strenuous.

None of us have any guarantees about what tomorrow may bring. We can all sit around on our duffs playing it safe waiting for our lives to be over – or get back in the game; jump back on the horse; or dive right in and take a chance.

As for me … no surprise - I’m diving in!

The door to safety swings on the hinges of common sense. ~Author Unknown

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you for medical advances, surgery and doctors who can repair damaged bodies. Help me to take excellent care of this body you’ve entrusted to me. Help me to eat balanced meals, get plenty of restful sleep and use wisdom, common sense and balance when exercising. Help me to always include you in every aspect of my life. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I went to my food addiction support group meeting last night and was significantly refreshed. During praise and worship we sang a song “I’m hungry for more of you,” which is a reference to being hungry for God’s spirit.

I’ve noticed an unusual hunger in my spirit this week, but I’ve been trying to fill it with the wrong things. My insatiable hunger comes from the fact that all my kids are leaving this weekend to go back to college – leaving me and my husband official empty nesters again.

While I’m excited for all my kids and their upcoming school year, I’m feeling a real sense of loss as they leave – almost like a sense of abandonment. My husband and I were in this position last year and it was a huge adjustment for our marriage. One of our kids returned home mid-year so we were only official empty nesters for a few months.

This year the child who boomeranged home last year is more ready to be gone this year so I have more peace about this than last year – but I’m still feeling lost. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 20+ years and even though I’ve got a busy life without kids, I’m still feeling that sense of abandonment and rejection. In reality I know my kids aren’t rejecting me, they’re simply doing what they’re supposed to be doing. So why do I feel this way?

I’ve tried feeding these negative feelings with food – although on a much smaller scale than I did last year at this time. I’ve had enough restraint to know that it isn’t food that I want. I’ve also tried shopping which is also not what I want and since I don’t have a lot of money, I can’t do a lot of damage in that area.

I’ve even tried rearranging furniture which is what my mother used to do when she was unhappy – but I never got it with her. I get it now. Because I know the house will be significantly quieter and empty without all my kids and their assorted friends traipsing in and out, I’m attempting to rearrange furniture to give the house a different flow so I won’t notice the emptiness. No surprise – furniture rearranging isn’t helping either.

It wasn’t until I sang that song last night that I felt in my spirit God trying to get my attention. As I poured out my heart singing about being hungry and thirsty – it finally started making sense. I’m hungry for relationship. Yes I will miss my kids and nothing will fill that void, but filling up on the love of God and nurturing my relationship with my Savior will fill and satisfy in a way that’s incomparable with other relationships.

I’m so hungry, God – please fill me up.

God understands our prayers even when we can’t find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown

18 So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. Isaiah 30:18 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I pray you would take away my sadness and replace it with excitement and happiness for my kids. Help me not to worry about them constantly and entrust them to your care. I pray that you will fill me with Your love and Your spirit so I may not be in want. Help me to trust that you have a perfect plan for my life and help me stop trying to feed my emotions with the wrong things. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

One of my favorite authors, Janet Evanovich has a character in her Stephanie Plum bounty hunter series named Lula who is a girl after my own heart. Lula is a plus size black woman who is always talking about going on some sort of diet. One of my favorite Lula diets is the One Diet. As long Lula only eats one of something it’s legal; like one pea, one asparagus or one dozen donuts. Oh, if only!

I think I’ve been on a One Diet lately too, only my one diet is far different from Lula’s. For me the one most important part of my program is remembering I’m not on a diet, but I’m making lifelong lifestyle changes.

The other important part of my program is I know without the help of the one and only true God; I’d be up the proverbial creek without a paddle. I know I cannot have success without including God in every aspect of my program. He is the one I turn to when I doubt myself and when I fear failure. He is the one who answers my prayers and grants me success. He is the one who stands with me and will never leave me nor forsake me.

One other important element of my program is when I am tempted by cookies (or chips or crackers or whatever) if I can eat just one, it’s alright to allow myself to have one. However, if I can tell it’s one of those days chances are limiting myself to one of anything is slim to none so it’s best to not even have one.

Most importantly I KNOW that one day I will achieve success and lose this excess weight, but it may not happen in one day, one week or even one year. I will be successful because I trust in my plan, myself and my Lord Jesus to help me one day at a time.

Something in human nature causes us to start slacking off at our moment of greatest accomplishment. As you become successful, you will need a great deal of self-discipline not to lose your sense of balance, humility, and commitment. ~Ross Perot

14 Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine. Proverbs 8:14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that you are the ONE I turn to and the ONE I rely on constantly for strength, wisdom and common sense. Help me to stand strong on the promises of Your Word and help me to continue to include You in every aspect of my weight loss journey. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Experts agree that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Skipping breakfast is never a good idea and to do it justice it’s smart to include high fiber and plenty of protein in your morning meal.

My oldest daughter invited me to breakfast this morning to celebrate back to school. Initially I’d planned to keep my breakfast a healthy loser’s breakfast, but the simple fact that we were meeting at a pancake house should have clued me that I might have a challenge on my hands.

I should go on record as saying that I love to go out for breakfast which is why I rarely go out for breakfast because it’s a very tough meal to keep legal. I’m sure it’s the idea of pancakes or French toast for breakfast because it’s like eating dessert for breakfast. Who doesn’t love that?

Sometimes though opportunities come along that force us to make decisions and choose between keeping it legal or enjoying fellowship and the simple joy of the invitation. This morning I made a choice to enjoy my breakfast without becoming anal over my menu and to thoroughly enjoy the company. My oldest and I rarely get to enjoy a stress-free visit with just the two of us so to me that was more important than weighing my food choices.

I did my best to pick wisely and avoided the pork fat and skipped breakfast meats, opting for fresh fruit and scrambled eggs. Where I faltered was on the carbs. To me, a restaurant breakfast is simply incomplete without potatoes so I indulged in hash browns. And honestly, what would be the point in going to a pancake house and not including pancakes in your meal? Hul-lo! That’s a crime against humanity and an insult to breakfast!

In my defense I did choose multi-grain pancakes and even then, I could only eat half of my portion, so I did exercise restraint. Because I’m still a couple days away from my post-surgery check-up, the only exercise I’m practicing this week is restraint – so at least there’s that. Plus those multi-grain pancakes were chocked full of fiber and hours later I’m still stuffed. It may be hours (maybe days) before I’m feeling hungry again so any way you spin it – that was a great use of calories.

Restraint, control and balance are always wise on any weight loss program. Each day, each meal and each opportunity should be handled with simple common sense though. Opportunities to dine with a cherished friend or family member should be cause for joy not one that makes us stress over how to tweak our menu.

When it comes right down to it, family and friends are priceless. For me to enjoy a big meal this morning may mean cutting back the rest of the day – but in the grand scheme of life, it’s worth it to me. Tomorrow is a new day and as long as I don’t eat this way every day, I refuse to feel guilt over enjoying a meal with my daughter.

Getting healthy is a priority for me, but cultivating relationships along the way takes precedence and makes me a winner today. I’ll worry about being a loser tomorrow.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to share a meal with my daughter. I thank you that I’m past the stage of obsessing about everything I eat. Help me to use common sense and cut back when I need to in order to make up for a larger meal this morning. Help me to cherish people and opportunities rather than making everything about the food. Thank you for the healing and freedom I’m walking in. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

It’s amazingly hard to sit and do absolutely nothing. I mean really nothing. Even now as I sit here I’ve borrowed my daughter’s laptop and I’m writing, so clearly I’m incapable of doing absolutely nothing. Let’s face it; one can only watch so much HGTV without suffering some sort of decorating brain seizure.

Because I felt so good yesterday I cleaned house, including moving a piece of furniture and then went shopping in the afternoon. Big mistake on my part on all counts. Last night found me in need of painkillers and an early bedtime, where I went and cried myself to sleep. I find myself in a state of panic that I may never be normal again or at least my perception of what normal used to be for me.

I know it’s only been a week since I had surgery and my body needs time to sufficiently heal, but patiently waiting for anything has never been my strong suit – especially when it comes to important things in life.

When I started my weight loss journey on New Year’s Day I KNEW that eventually everything would fall into place and I’d finally make healthy eating a way of life. I KNEW thinking positive and dwelling on success rather than failure would eventually come naturally to me and it has. In all honesty I don’t know at what point change occurred – it simply did while I wasn’t patiently waiting for it.

I can say with all confidence I will successfully lose weight and a healthy lifestyle will become second nature to me. I can’t promise it will happen in my time frame; in fact I’m sure it won’t since I’d prefer success came sooner rather than later.

The time frame is secondary at this point. Failure is not an option for me. Somewhere along the way I stopped obsessing about things and have been practicing what I’ve been preaching for the last eight months. I am no longer the woman I was when I started. I still don’t like to wait for things, but at least I accept that.

I wrote a story a long time ago about how life happens when you’re making other plans. That’s what has happened during my journey. I had a plan to complete this journey according to my terms, but God stepped in and is doing things His way. As long as I end up meeting my goals how I get there doesn’t matter.

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you that you are patient with me and in your infinite wisdom you are teaching me patience. I know I’m a long way from where I planned on being at this point, but I thank you that I have come a long way. Continue to teach me in spite of the fact that I continually get in your way. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

The U.S. Geological survey has been reporting some unusual seismic activity in my area lately. No wait it’s just me and it’s the rumblings of my empty stomach as I try and sleep every night!

Lately because I’ve been really watching my caloric intake I find myself going to bed hungry nearly every night, waking in the middle of the night because my stomach is empty. Not only is it noisy but it’s downright uncomfortable. On top of that I wake nearly every morning feeling ravenous and I can’t wait for breakfast.

In the grand scheme of life the emptiness is far better than the way I lived for years. I used to go to bed sick to my stomach and hating myself because I’d eaten so much food during the day. It was impossible to sleep comfortably – not to mention I was wracked with guilt for being such a glutton.

Both scenarios remind me that my help comes from the Lord. When I was stuffed to the gills I’d pray at night for forgiveness and strength to resist the next day’s temptations. Now I find myself praying that God will help me to feel satisfied with my limited calories and make me thankful for all that I am eating.

Because we must always have balance in our lives, I’m doing my best to make the most of my calories and eat fruits, veggies and high fiber foods so I won’t feel the hunger pains. Despite my best efforts, my stomach seems to be operating on a system unto itself and doesn’t know the meaning of the word satisfied. But then thinking back to how it was when I’d overeat on a regular basis, my stomach didn’t seem to know when it was full either.

Retraining all these parts of my body is exhausting. I’ve got to constantly be schooling my brain to think only positive thoughts; I’ve got to teach my stomach to be satisfied with smaller portions; I’ve got to teach all my five senses not to react to smells, memories, taste or sight. Lord, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle is so much work. No wonder so many people give up so easily.

I am not a quitter though and regardless of the seismic activity in my stomach I will prevail, because my help DOES come from the Lord!

Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful. ~Author Unknown

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I know that you are an ever-present help to me always. Help me to rest in the shadow of your presence and sleep peacefully at night. Satisfy the cravings of my flesh; fill my stomach so I may not be in want. Continue to give me strength for each new day and help me to conquer all my cravings and remain strong and steadfast in my commitment to get healthy. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Looking around my kitchen this morning I’m reminded of what great friends I have. My countertops are littered with pies, cakes and breads – all tokens of compassion while I’ve been recuperating this week. Wonderful well-meaning friends have made sure that my family would not go hungry this week while I was recovering.

I’m filled with such love and appreciation for all of my wonderful friends. However, part of me is looking at all these yummy goodies and I must confess I’m filled with shame. Mainly because there was a time – not so very long ago – that I would have been forking out bites of every one of these goodies until I’d single-handedly finished nearly everything.

What makes me feel even more shame, is I most likely would have done all of this snacking and forking in secret when I was alone after everyone else had either gone to bed or left the house. AND to top it all off, most likely I would have blamed the disappearance of said goodies on one of the kids. How’s that for pathetic?

I’m cognizant of the fact that I’m not even tempted to sample most of these goodies. The appeal that carbs once had for me is quite simply – non-existent. If that’s not a hugundus (my grandson’s favorite word) then I don’t know what is!

I am simply delighted that the food is here for my husband and kids to enjoy, but I don’t feel the pull that these foods once had over me. The guilt and shame have been replaced with such an overwhelming sense of peace and … yes – freedom!

I know that the very thin tightrope of my resolve could break at any time pulling me right back into a serious food addiction – but for now – for today – I am living in freedom. I knew this day would come – eventually, but I’ve had my doubts; not doubt for my eating program or doubt that God could heal me – but doubt that I would ever be able to surrender and LET God heal me.

Ah sweet freedom – it feels fabulous!

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:14 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord I thank you that I can practice restraint and I’m not driven to eat based on my feelings or emotions. I thank you for the gift of friends. I praise you for all life’s victories. I love and adore you my Savior! I pray you will continue to walk beside me and give me victory – no matter how small – each and every day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I think that the manufacturers of movie popcorn must add some sort of addictive property to the oil the kernels are popped in making it nigh to impossible to stop eating once you’ve started. Under normal circumstances I know this about movie popcorn and I generally resist engaging in bucket of the buttery stuff.

Movie popcorn is a flavor that cannot be duplicated at home. If this weren’t so they wouldn’t be able to dupe ordinary people of above-average intelligence into purchasing a vat as big as an oil drum (and for a mere 25 cents more you can super-size that so you can refill it before you leave the theater) and charge you a price nearly equal to that of a barrel of oil. I mean seriously? It’s just popcorn!

Clearly because of my partially incapacitated state post-surgery, today wasn’t considered a normal day for me as I found myself indulging under a power not my own. Somewhere about mid-movie I knew that my husband had a half-eaten bag of popcorn resting on the seat next him and I’m certain I could hear it calling to me.

My husband is very persnickety about his popcorn. He can share, but he generally chooses not to, so he interrogates everyone prior to movie time about their popcorn intentions. If no one is interested in popcorn but him, he’ll limit his popcorn size to something he can maneuver with one hand. But never ask him for popcorn once you’ve declined the invitation as he’s been known to draw blood from time to time.

He’s got his butter-to-popcorn ratio down to a fine science. He preys upon some young unsuspecting newbie working behind the counter and convinces them to put a large scoop of popcorn in the bottom of the bag first and then saturate the contents with enough butter to soak through the bottom of the bag. Then add more popcorn and repeat the butter saturation level until the person handing the bag off suffers some sort of coronary episode during the transfer.

Sharing popcorn with this guy means risking a butter-induced seizure but yet somehow today I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Luckily there was less than half a bag left by the time I started digging in so the butter saturation level had been marginally reduced. Even knowing that movie popcorn with all that butter is bad for me and knowing that all that oil and butter gives me a stomach ache and makes my teeth feel weird – I still CHOSE to eat it!

Because I’m a smart woman and doing really well on my weight loss program and I’ve been taking extra precautions after surgery regarding my food choices, I’ve got to go with the addictive properties to popcorn defense because otherwise I simply have no explanation for my behavior.

I’m thinking that the moral to this story is just when we think “we’ve arrived – I’ve got this …” human nature, instinct and life simply takes over reminding us that none of us can conquer our food addiction demons all on our own. That’s why we so desperately need God in our lives. Maybe that’s not true for most of you, but it’s certainly true for me.

Common sense is not so common. ~Voltaire

Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. Proverbs 4:7 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I refuse to beat myself up about enjoying popcorn and a movie today. I do ask that you would fill me with wisdom and common sense so I can make informed decisions. I come against any feelings of guilt the enemy tries to throw my way. I had a great day with my husband and I thank you because time spent with a loved one is never a waste of anything. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

There is a major food group that’s often overlooked by the FDA but it’s a food group known intimately by anyone with a major food addiction. This food group is directly responsible for my personal downfall and a good percentage of my weight gain in the last few years.

I’m not talking about the meat and protein group; the fruits and veggies group, the dairy and cheese group or even the teeny tiny group at the top of the pyramid that comprises your carbs and sugars. No … the food group I’m referring to is the “O” food group.

This is a dangerous group and should be avoided at all costs as I can personally guarantee it will lead you down a path of self-destruction that has felled even the most stalwart hard core dieter. Once you’re seduced by the dark side of the “O” group it’s a fight for your life to be freed from the tentacles of the strangle hold these foods have on you.

I think you’ll see what I mean in the following list of “O” group staples:

Frosted Cheerios, Chicken Noodle-Os, Burritos (from Filibertos), Nachos, Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos, Dominos, Jenos, Ho Hos, Rollos, Mentos and of course my personal all time favorite – Oreos.

The only food listed in this group that might even be considered half-way redeemable might be the Chicken Noodle-Os, but those are chocked full of carbs and sodium, so no – never mind. While not all burritos are bad for you, it’s rare to consume a burrito without the necessary accoutrements like sour cream, guacamole and a giant side of nachos or chips and salsa.

I medicated my emotions for so many years eating my weight in Oreos and many of these other food items on a regular basis because ignoring my internal pain and stuffing my emotions seemed easier – at first. As most of us know, you can only stuff your emotions for so long before you either implode or explode.

I opted for imploding and found myself undergoing a series of medical tests for heart issues and anxiety, which lead to an eventual diagnosis of depression coupled with menopause. Oddly enough even though I knew I was depressed prior to my imploding meltdown, rather than getting help either with counseling or a support group, I opted to feed my emotions which led to a 40 pound weight gain and oh yeah – more depression!

The good news about stuffing our emotions and feeding our depression is for the average person there eventually comes a point when you reach rock bottom and you tell yourself “enough is enough” and you seek outside help. At least for me the eternal optimist, I’d like to believe this happens for everyone, but not every story has a happy ending.

The funny thing is, “rock bottom” looks different to everyone so we can only reach it and look up for help when it feels like rock bottom to us. I am thankful that for me the bottom came after a wakeup call from a major anxiety attack and only a 40 pound weight gain. I’m realistic enough to know a real heart attack was in my future if I continued on the path I was on and that 40 pounds could have been double that.

God can meet us where we are and He knows where rock bottom is for each and every one of us. I am so blessed He reached down and saved me before the “O” group got the best of me.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people? ~Author Unknown

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I give you thanks and praise for rescuing me from myself. Thank you for giving me the strength and courage to reach up and grab on to help before I self-destructed. I pray you will continue to walk beside and be my fortress and my refuge during this journey. I love you Lord and ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

This has been a tough week for me because of my surgery I’ve been unable to do any exercise at all. It’s likely to be a couple of weeks before I can resume even light exercise. Add to that I’ve got amazing friends who’ve been bringing my family dinner, snacks and desserts every day this week while I recuperate. The combination of delicious foods and no exercise and I’m a little panicked that all the weight I’ve lost will quickly return.

It’s been a tough challenge to weigh and measure my food portions and not give in to my natural instinct of pigging out when I’m feeling all out of sorts. But I have been doing just that because I am so worried about regaining weight.

Somehow it doesn’t seem fair that what has taken me eight months to get rid of could reappear in a fraction of the time. But such is the nature of the beast and what most of us know to be true. Losing weight is hard work and takes a long time – gaining weight … poof … happens practically overnight! There’s definitely something wrong with the math and physics of that equation.

What really has me concerned is this unnatural fear I’m feeling at the very thought of regaining the weight. I know that God doesn’t want us to live in fear and He expects us to cast all our cares on Him. Trying to find a balance between casting my cares and staying worry free while I agonize over everything I’m eating this week - and my oh my – I may need to tap into those prescription painkillers just to survive the rest of my convalescence!

But even as I type this I’m feeling guilt that I don’t want to trade one addiction – FOOD – for another - prescription painkillers. But the temptation for that is there. The good news is God knows all my worries, my fears and my temptations and I KNOW that He will help me through this.

The good thing about convalescing is because I can’t get around and do much this week, I’m spending a lot of time in prayer and in the Word of God. Perhaps God allows these times in our lives so we can reconnect with Him on a deeper level. I know I’ve enjoyed my quiet times with God this week, plus this week has truly helped me appreciate the many people in my life who’ve rallied around me offering prayers, meals, flowers and cards and generally just wanting to be of help to me in any way possible.

So at this point, I’ve got to say that in the grand scheme of life, the bigger picture is telling me “so what if I gain a few pounds this week. I’ve got amazing friends; a terrific family and my God is so awesome that a few extra pounds is nothing to freak out about.” It will all balance out in the end.

Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another. ~Arthur Christopher Benson

4 Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. 5 Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Psalm 25:4-5 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for life’s many blessings. I praise you for this quiet time this week and a chance to dive into your Word and hear that still small voice that reminds me how much you love me. Continue to heal my body; help me to cast all my fears and worries upon you Lord Jesus. I ask all these things in your name, Lord. Amen.

Boy there’s something to be said for today’s advances in modern medicine and surgical procedures. I had my knee surgery yesterday and it went fabulous – better than expected. And boy oh boy, that anesthesia is a wonder drug. I got the best 55 minute nap I’ve ever had. It made me a little loopy afterwards, which by the way was an added bonus for my kids who secretly delighted in messing with my head all afternoon. But paybacks are a you know what and I’ll figure how to get even with them at some point.

Luckily this surgery wasn’t super invasive compared to the procedure I had a dozen years ago. That last one left me feeling like I’d been run over by a truck, leaving me sore in places on my body I didn’t even know existed. Yesterday’s procedure made me a little nauseous and left me with a nagging headache all day, but other than that I’m walking unaided needing no crutches and moving around pretty well.

We are lucky to have modern technology and science available to help with every area of our lives.

For those of us battling addictions there is help available to us at our fingertips. The invention of the telephone is another one of those modern inventions, as well as computers, internet, email; text messaging and instant messaging so that if we feel ourselves on the verge of a relapse or total meltdown we can instantly reach out to a trusted friend and receive immediate help. (Or recovering from surgery … friends are great!)

A lot of us try to convince ourselves that we can kick our addictions completely solo and on our own; especially when it comes to food addictions. Most of us know that nothing could be further from the truth. We need to stay accountable to someone about what we’re eating if not on a daily basis at least a check-in every few days – especially in the beginning until we learn some self-control.

Overcoming food addictions cannot be fixed with a simple surgery (unless you opt for gastric bypass, but that’s far from simple and requires you seek advice from a qualified doctor). There is no instant shot or pills you can take that will instantly eliminate your food cravings, although billions of dollars are spent each year in pursuit of such miracle cures.

The only way to kick a food addiction is get to the core issues of why we turn to food in the first place. We need counseling or a group support system where we can learn from others, garner support and encouragement from trusted friends who will stand beside you as you uncover painful truths and people who can be there to pick us up when we struggle or are down.

Modern science may be great for a lot of things, but nothing beats a friend to hold your hand, give you a hug and tell you “you’re going to get through this. You can do it!” I had a great doctor for my surgery, but my friends helping me through recovery are beyond great. They are kind and caring and I am thankful and blessed to have their help. Hey, that’s what friends are for.

If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me. ~Author Unknown

The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray. Proverbs 12:26 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for modern medicine and advances with surgery and medicine and I thank you for the healing I am receiving. I thank you for the many I friends I have who have offered, prayers, meals, flowers and cards. You have blessed me abundantly and I am ever aware that everything in life is so much easier when I’ve got friends to help me through. Thank you for all the many friends in my life, Lord. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Living with daily pain gets to be a drain on a body physically as well as mentally. I’ve been living with constant physical pain in my left knee for months and finally decided to take the advice of my doctor and have surgery. I have a meniscus tear in my knee that will not heal itself and the idea of living with long-term pain holds zero appeal.

The physical pain while tough to manage can be controlled with Ibuprofen or Tylenol, so I have been getting some relief. But this physical pain has got me thinking about people who live with constant emotional pain. Pain from rejection, abandonment even physical or sexual abuse, any of these issues can leave us scarred and emotionally crippled, sometimes even more so than the pain from a physical injury.

The reason many of us turn to food, alcohol or drugs is our attempt to manage our pain. Unlike pain relievers for physical pain, using food or substances for managing emotional pain merely mask the pain. The major drawback to masking our emotional pain with food is oftentimes once we’ve binged we end up feeling worse than when we started.

Not only does the food not manage the pain but it makes us feel physically ill because we generally consume so much food in one sitting our stomachs are stuffed beyond our comfort level. The accompanying guilt that goes with any binge makes us feels worse than before so now we’ve got emotional pain, physical pain and guilt. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’m grateful there is a simple surgical procedure that will fix my knee injury. In a perfect world there would be a simple surgery that could mend broken hearts or repair handicapped emotions. Unfortunately nothing short of a lobotomy will fix our emotional scars. There is however help for broken hearts and emotional scars. His name is Jesus Christ and He came to set the captives free and to heal the broken hearted.

Simply choose to give your problems to God and let Him carry your burdens for you. The emotional scars you carry may not be healed instantly, but with prayer, meditation on God’s Word and faith, God can apply a soothing balm to your damaged emotions and heart and make you whole again. You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom. He’s waiting for you right now right where you’re at.

Let go and let God!

Let God’s promises shine on your problems. ~Corrie Ten Boom

14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord there is healing for all who call upon the name of the Lord. I ask that you would continue to heal me of my emotional scars and be with me for a quick healing from my surgery. May I cast all my cares upon you and not give in to worry or fear. I ask all these things in your holy name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Occasionally without provocation the human brain suffers some sort of misfiring in normal brain waves resulting in a strange anomaly known as brain hiccup or brain fart. Oh wait, maybe that’s just me, but I seem to have these occasional brain hiccups or brain farts on a regular monthly basis. (Hmm, must be directly related to PMS or menstrual cramps. Perhaps my uterus is somehow connected to my brain transmitters and with the onset of menstrual cramps my brain cramps in choreographed rhythm.)

I’ve been having such great success with my eating program, continuing to lose weight and finally feel as though my emotions are controlled and I’m living in freedom. It’s been such a welcome respite to be free from the bondage of food and always feeling guilty about what I eat or don’t eat that I should be eating.

… Until this morning that is. For some bizarre reason I woke up stressing about what I ate yesterday and the simple fact that I skipped my daily swim two days in a row made feel all out of sorts. I felt that old obsessive compulsive behavior knocking on my door wanting to sneak back in.

To top it off, I’m filled with anxiety today for no apparent reason. Well okay, there is a slight reason, actually a couple of reasons and none of them are menstrually related, pre or post.

The best way I know to combat anxiety is to empty my head of all negative thoughts (not an easy task for a woman to do) but somehow I managed to remove myself from everything to spend some quality quiet time with God. I prayed, I read, I meditated and prayed some more. When I finished with that I went for an extra long swim and let the sun bake the anxiety out of me while the Son filled me back up with peace.

While I was swimming it occurred to me that I’d been dwelling on negative events and letting my mind wander to “what if” scenarios regarding some upcoming events. Rather than imagining the best case scenarios, I’d let my mind wander over into the negative and started thinking on the worst case scenario. What’s so surprising, the negative mindset slipped in so effortlessly.

Once I recognized that negative mindset I quickly set about casting my cares on God and rebuking those evil mindsets. Joyce Meyer does a sermon on “think about what you’re thinking about.” As soon as those negative thoughts try to burrow into our brains we’ve got to immediately sweep them out.

Life comes at you fast and if we don’t gird up our minds and properly outfit ourselves to fight the battles against our mind, life will mow us down and keep us down. Rather than sitting around waiting for the next brain hiccup, I can’t let my mind feed on wrong thoughts. The Word of God taken in regular doses will not only eliminate brain hiccups but it will fill your head and your heart so full of God’s promises those brain hiccups are sure to become a thing of the past.

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~Terry Josephson

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I thank you for redirecting my thoughts and helping me to flush the negative thoughts from my brain. Help me to dwell on what is pure and lovely and refuse to give in to doubt, worry and fear. I trust you for my every breath and I have hope for a bright future and I will not be held prisoner by the thoughts of my past or worry for an uncertain future. Give me peace of mind and strength for each new day. I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Food triggers are literally everywhere. These triggers have the potential to propel us into our next binge or cause us to fall back into self-destructive eating patterns. Triggers can come at us in many forms and assault our five senses – and usually when we least expect it.

Some days I’m strong and immovable when my senses are attacked, but that’s certainly not the case every day. Occasionally I find myself in a very vulnerable state of mind and a TV commercial, magazine ad, driving by restaurant row or even spotting someone who vaguely resembles someone from my past and without warning I find myself needing food to settle my emotions.

When I’m in that vulnerable state those triggers to my emotions are so explosive I feel as if I’ve been shot from point blank range and I need to quickly fill the deep hole. My first reaction is to fill that hole with food, more specifically - sugar. The further I dig into my past and the more resolve I’m finding with that troubled past, the more progress I make when it comes to food. For the first time in a long time, I am finding some much needed control with my relationship with food.

Every day is not perfect and I’ve had more than my fair share of setbacks. But I finally have my feet firmly planted on the road to recovery and I am handling those setbacks - one at a time.

Unlike someone who turns to alcohol or illegal drugs, I will never be able to do completely without food in my life. I can say with all certainty – food will always be an issue for me because I can never completely eliminate food from my life.

Knowing that food will always be in my life, I’m learning to keep food in its proper place. Food is not a sedative. Food is not my friend. Food will not provide comfort to me, nor will food ever fill a void in my life. Each day is a new challenge and like setting boundaries with relationships in my life, I must not let food run my life and control me.

I’m learning that even though food is not my friend – food is not the enemy. The emotions that drive me to eat are the real culprit. Managing my emotions is a tall order, but as with everything else in my life - I’m working on it. Realistically though, it’s unlikely I will ever completely manage my emotions. The fact that I am a woman means my emotions will never be completely mastered this side of Heaven. Lest I forget that, I’m sure it’s written in the fine print of every woman’s birth certificate – we are women – hear us roar!

Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

19 Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. 20 Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Lord, I am glad you designed me the way you did and that you’re never surprised by my breakdowns, setbacks or emotional tantrums. I thank you that you continue to love me unconditionally in spite of the fact that I am so flawed. I thank you for choosing me as your own and for your continued patience with me as I grow and mature on this journey. Give me strength! I ask all these things in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen.