Diet & Wisdom Appetizers

I feel the winds of change blowing in my life – and for once they’re not tornado gusts or hurricane gale force winds. I got an encouraging email this morning for a great upcoming opportunity and “the old me” (pre-New Year’s resolution) would have IMMEDIATELY thought, “Oh crap! How can I lose 20 pounds before this event takes place?”

This “new and improved, positive thinking” girl that I’m morphing into thought, “Oh wow, I’ve got to go shopping and find something nice to wear!” And this is important because I’ve still got 40 pounds to lose and that thought about losing 20 pounds didn’t even enter my mind! EVERYTHING has always revolved around hiding my weight gain – or on those rare occasions, accentuating my weight loss. But not today!

This opportunity is so exciting, that my reaction became more about the actual event rather than focusing on the weight I need to lose. Okay, so maybe I’m “mountainizing” mole hills, but to me, this feels huge.

For most of my life everything has been about my weight. I’ve defined myself – even as far back as early childhood – as a chubby girl, a frumpy housewife or lately – a middle-aged menopausal muffin-top, full-figured woman. For my mind to not instantly focus on the weight but finding an outfit that would make me feel good about myself is indeed a sign that I’m making progress.

Two weeks ago, when I’d shared I’d only lost seven pounds in seven weeks I felt something finally break in me. It was at that admission, I realized that even if I never lose another pound, THIS IS ME, and I need to accept myself and love myself not based solely on what I weigh, but simply for who I am and I’m a good person. Apparently based on my initial reaction to my good news today, without even realizing it, I’m beginning to model my decision.

In the past, it didn’t matter what the event was – a birthday party, a reunion, family barbecue or even (I’m ashamed to admit this) a funeral, my absolute FIRST thought like a condititioned response or Pavlov’s dog was, “Oh crap … how can I lose 10 or 20 pounds before this funeral, etc.”

I see my “old” self as the most self-absorbed woman ever to walk the earth, that even in the event of someone’s unexpected death, I was focusing on me. Because let’s face it, when you attend a funeral you invariably run into people you may not have seen in decades and of course they’re thinking, “OMG, has SHE ever gotten fat!”

Hello! Wake-up call … nobody cares about my weight because people are usually too busy dealing with their own issues! And of course, especially at a funeral I should be thinking how can I encourage and support the bereaved, not “I wonder if this skirt makes my butt look huge.”

Okay, so maybe I AM the most self-absorbed person on the planet and I’m the only one who’s ever thought these horrible thoughts. By admitting them publicly I’m admitting my problem, taking responsibility for my issues and begging God to continue to heal me.

I know change doesn’t happen overnight, but I must confess, it’s exciting when those winds of change begin rustling through my life as I’m quite ready to blow these self-absorbed, addictive behaviors out of the way and get on with what God has in store for my future!

Sorry, this was a long post today – some days I’m a major word junkie – and today I needed to vent!

Blessings to all!

If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. ~ Author Unknown

“22 Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. 23 I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. 24 I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. 25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:22-25 (NLT)

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Thank you Lord, for small victories! I see your hand at work in my life and I’m so immensely grateful. I pray you will continue to guide me and lead me and change anything in my attitude and heart that are displeasing to you. I ask all these things in your precious name, Lord Jesus. Amen.